Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

pie- how weird is that!!! sounds like you are quite looking forward to the date :)

4th date later, feel a bit nervous about it really, not sure why.

Morning all. Pie that is weird! Watch, why nervous? What are you doing for your date?

Hello everyone

Blimey this has moved fast... I blinked - serves me right I suppose!

Watch, good luck for later, I think nerves are good, if you're both nervous it means it matters and you want it to be good.

I had a really nice date with Hendrix last night, went to a wine bar and had dinner and I'm meeting his son on Friday - we spent hours talking and being very silly and I'm all smiley and stupid-feeling now, in a nice teenagerish sort of way - neither of us have grown up at all!

yoga I love the tattoo - I've never thought I was a tatt person, but now I'm wondering if a new me is about to emerge ...

hes just coming round. Ive got a babysitter for the weekend and am also seeing him then, tonights just a mid week pop over, dont want to wait a week to see each other type thing.
I dont know why i feel nervous

rask - how long have you been seeing hendrix? good luck for the meet :)

rask - never thought I was a tat person either

I've been thinking about the 'easy' question. Of course its all rubbish, but there are lots of people (IME long term marrieds in particular, and I'm thinking of a number of close friends especially) who still think that you might wait a while/long time before you sleep with someone. This may have applied to them when they met their partner and at the time, women were described as easy because they didn't wait.

So that line of thinking still exists among men and women and will continue until these people either think carefully about the implications or find themselves in that situation.

They will also be communicating this message to children, family, friends etc. I had a conversation with a close friend recently about OD trials and tribulations and she looked very perturbed about me meeting men who wanted sex early on ... she described it as 'sleeping around' - I didn't go any deeper into it, but I'm sure that view is not unusual.

Mind you, that raises the question of the sexual habits of teenagers - am I being hypocritical in thinking that they need a different message?

Hi watch - got chatting on OKC end of August - met in a pub, first impression was not my usual 'type' and I think I'm not his either, but I gave him a kiss (on the cheek) on leaving and he was surprised and pleased. I think we've both been fairly slow to get started but now I need holding back - dammit! what happened to the cool, calm exterior??

rask - that makes sense, i was reading an article last night on it that advocated waiting 6-8 months. But suggested maybe oral and hand jobs for the man, to keep him sexually happy.
WTAF!

that is actually crazy. So, then man is allowed sexual pleasure, but the woman not, so she stays ' nice' the womans sexual needs are not important? what happens six months down the line you finally do it and find its rubbish and you arent sexually compatiable?

my dd isnt a teenager, im not going to tell her nice girls wait. im going to tell her to do what she wants, what shes comftable with, so long as she stays safe.

sounds nice, sounds like its going well with him :)

Watch - was that a 1950's Woman's Own article you were reading?

It concerns me that a large proportion of the female population are being judged by remainder because they are in the fortunate () position of not being single. (All said tongue in cheek of course) - but if women can't get the message straight amongst themselves, then how can we expect men to think differently.

There are bundles of threads on MN about moving on after separation/divorce etc and just to add to these women's difficulties, some of them (older possibly?) are having to cope with the fact that they may be judged by their peers as being easy? Without wishing to simplify things too much, they're the ones often needing more affection and kindness because of the crap they're dealing with.

I think, for me, it would feel like "sleeping around" or being "easy" or whatever else you want to call it if I was meeting one man after another and sleeping with all of them, whether it was on date 1 or date 6. It would feel different if I was doing it to try and make the man happy and not because I really wanted to or if I was doing it with men I didn't really like other than for the sex. Lots of things that would make it feel sleazy for me other than what number date it is. So in 6-8 months I've talked to dozens of men online, actually met 7 in person and only gone on to have sex with 2 of them - but those 2, one of them I slept with on the first date and one of the second. Saw both for a while after that. Don't regret or feel bad about it in any way. It felt right, I was careful and safe about it, it was fun(!) & was what I wanted.

As the mother of a pre-teen, when she's a bit older, I think the message may be slightly different though. The problem with teenagers is that they aren't properly grown up yet. They may be old enough to be having sex but they aren't going to be as safe and careful, both about their bodies and about their emotions. Teenagers, by nature, take risks. They don't have the experience to know when a man is fucking with them (teenagers have notoriously bad twat radars!) or using them. They don't have the experience to understand there can be a difference between sex with someone you fancy and sex with someone you love. I could go on...

So when my kids are say 16-20ish (hopefully not younger!!!), I really, really hope they will NOT sleep with someone they've only just met. I don't know - does that make me a hypocrite?

Oh, and yes, I agree watch - that article is just fucked up!

no, it was online, cant find it now, was linked from askmen website i think, so recent...ish.....

you are right about women being bad about that. There was a posted on here a while ago who used to chastice me constantly for sleeping with every date, and sleeping around. I wasnt, i think i slept with 4 or something over the course of the year. Thats 4 shags in total over a year. ( cant remember exact figures) it was a tiny amount of sex. Bearing in mind i also hd 20+ dates that year i also wasnt anywhere near sleeping with them all. But she wouldnt have it.
Its sad.
Its just another stick to beat women with really.
I dont really understand the mentality that an adult woman should have to go without affection, physical touch etc... things that humans have, things that married people take for granted, yet a single woman is meant to be on her own for years, so shes not easy?
Finding a new partner isnt easy, ive been on my own for years, im not the only one either. to go for years without even a hug of affection, from a man, is awful.

In 5 years of being separated/single, I've met about 20 men, 10 of those I or they didn't want to meet again; 2 two-night stands and 2 lasted 2/3 months, 2 a bit longer. Being very blunt, I absolutely wouldn't change any of those experiences for a moment - one guy I spent 4/5 month with was just what I needed at the time - very flirtatious, complimentary and spoilt me rotten - I felt a million dollars after being with him. Sadly the sex was disappointing and I was ready to move on. Other, later, dates were more adventurous (!) and, again, made me feel my life wasn't over because my marriage had ended.

I must admit I'm finding it a bit difficult with my 3 teens, knowing what the message needs to be. For me, I'm happy to be out looking for a happy relationship, good company etc, not necessarily a life-long commitment, but for my kids I want them to consider the risks and possibilities that come with a sexual relationship - the fact that an unwanted pregnancy could mean a life-long link to a casual sexual partner and that really what they want is a long term relationship where, if pg occurred, it wouldn't be such a difficulty.

Not sure if I'm making myself clear here, or talking rubbish

to go for years without even a hug of affection, from a man, is awful.

Watch, I'm so with you there, on a recent weekend away with 3 married gfs, I said that what I missed the most was the hugs (although they're a very distant memory, even when I was married ). They all went quiet - maybe that's when I should have shared some titbits .

teens must be very difficult. I supose you have to hope you have taught them about safe sex, and given them the emotional education that they can make wise choices.... and that they can talk to you at any point.
i have no idea really..... dd is little.

Watch that is absolutely barking! So it's naice to give someone a blow job but not to shag them? Eh???

We are our own worst enemies sometimes - who needs men to make us feel bad when other women can do it just as well. We all need different things at different times in our life and I think that people who have been married for a long time don't necessarily understand some of those needs - to know that your life isn't over just because your marriage is, to crave affection and touch sometimes even more than than an actual relationship.

I hate the way women are judged over this issue.

I have slept with less men than the majority of women I know. Yet I suspect the fact that the last 5 of mine have all been one-offs (albeit over an almost 4 year period) means a lot of narrow minded people would call me easy.

But the reality of my life, and my OD experience, is that I've never had a second date. I'd have liked to see 3 of those 5 again (if I'm honest I knew 2 of them were one-offs, but the others I was hopeful of) but it didn't happen. And if I hadn't done anything, if I'd waited til the 2nd, or 22nd date or whatever, then I'd still be waiting now, years and years later.

Not an appealing prospect. And again, the people who judge me are ones who are lucky enough to go from one LTR to another, with barely a gap in between, or have a FWB to turn to. They have no concept of how it feels to be on your own without even a hug month after month year after year. Maybe if they did they would be less judgmental.

I'm sure my kids will learn by trial & error same as I did...I tell my daughter to look after number one and never let a man get in her way.
I hope they both have enjoyable sex lives with as many partners as they want (I dont especially want to know the details though )

I think the idea that a woman is easy for wanting sex is laughably anachronistic:o

We are our own worst enemies, yoga, as if things aren't hard enough anyway.

It takes a lot of strength, iron-will and self esteem to carry on, doesn't it? I've been tempted on one or two occasions to go for someone who I knew wasn't right, just because they were keen, available and it would mean I was part of a couple. BAD NEWS.

It is mercury, but peer pressure is such a strong force, it affects us throughout our lives, and in this respect, it really does hold us back.

sponge - me too. until i divorced i had slept with 3 men. I was 30. It jumped rather a lot since then, but its still only just over double figures. And, i seperated 4 years ago this dec. So adverages out at something like 2.1 men a year for 4 years. hardly a lot, considering all of them, bar two, were one offs.
so, that works out as one snog/ hug/ shag, every six months. thats hardly making me easy - i cant see how it does, its a nun like existance!!!!!!!!

sponge - agree, if married people knew what it was like, maybe they wouldnt be so judgemental. ( sweeping generalisation, but they do seem the worse offenders of this)

Ermm, my total's a bit higher - I didn't get married til I was 31 , H 5 years younger, so smiles all round

raskguess it depends if you care what other people think of you...I dont care.

I dont think there is anything inherently wrong with being promiscuous/having alot of casual sexual partners.
If thats what you like doing and thats what works for you

mercury yes, I do care what people think about me - isn't it in our nature to want to be liked? Besides I don't think I'd have got to where I am now without close, supportive friends - the only issue is that I can't discuss intimate details with them.