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Original poster

Boyfriend slept with an escort

49 replies

AlisonL1981 · 12/10/2012 08:28

Hi ladies, this is my first post, I'm looking for a bit of advice and support. I found out tonight that my boyfriend slept with an escort in August. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and devastated. He doesn't know I know. Any advice? X

OP posts:
scentednappyhag · 12/10/2012 08:29

How awful for you Sad how did you find out? Is he at home with you now? So sorry Sad

Original poster
AlisonL1981 · 12/10/2012 08:32

He disappeared at 5am. I got suspicious and checked his emails. Found he'd been on escort sites. Then found an email conversation with the one he met with in August. He's still not home. X

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/10/2012 08:37

I'd recommend packing a bag for him, telling him what you've discovered, then sending him away somewhere to cool his heels while you think about what you want to happen next. Unfortunately, if he's been with prostitutes, you're also going to have to get yourself checked out medically. Hope you're OK. Sorry you've had such a nasty shock.

Feckbox · 12/10/2012 08:46

I would go down the bag route in your shoes as well. It sends a clear signal that you won't be wheedled / sweet talked into accepting an apology.
It gives you head space to decide what you want long term.

Do you live together?
I take it you are not married.
Who owns the house? Do you have other children? Was the relationship happy until now ?

Feckbox · 12/10/2012 08:46

I would go down the bag route in your shoes as well. It sends a clear signal that you won't be wheedled / sweet talked into accepting an apology.
It gives you head space to decide what you want long term.

Do you live together?
I take it you are not married.
Who owns the house? Do you have other children? Was the relationship happy until now ?

Original poster
AlisonL1981 · 12/10/2012 09:00

We're not married and its his house. No children apart from the little jellybean inside me. I want to believe he only did it once. Also it was before he found out about the baby and since then he's become more affectionate. I know he looks at porn, mainly because I'm so tired all of the time at the minute. Worries me that as this pregnancy progresses he could look else where. I think if I wasn't pregnant I'd walk out now. im sure he'd cone after me. we've been together almost 11 years. since becoming pregnant he's been talking about getting engaged. How do I confront him? Admit I went through his emails?

OP posts:
Feckbox · 12/10/2012 09:07

What do you want to happen ? If you are going to confront hi, yes, you say you read his emails because you we're suspicious.
Do you mind me asking what made you suspicious?

Feckbox · 12/10/2012 09:08

Do you mind the porn? Is it something you have discussed?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/10/2012 09:09

You must have been suspicious about him to look through the e-mails. Not the greatest thing to confess to admittedly but is completely overshadowed by the sin of paying for prostitutes when someone's supposed to be in a loving relationship.

So what if it was before he found out about the baby? I don't understand why that makes a difference. And I dont understand the part about 'he could look elsewhere' either. He is actively looking elsewhere and it's probably not an isolated incident. I know, when you've had a shock like this, the first instinct is to try to rationalise it, blame yourself and wonder if you can get past it somehow. Which is why you need to get him out of your hair and start thinking straight.

If he's not going to leave his own house, pack your own bag and go stay with someone who actually loves you.

Doha · 12/10/2012 09:19

Only once !!! only once that you know of and that is one time too many.
Pregnant or not he is a cheat and can't be trusted.
He has put your health and that of your baby at risk and you need an STI check as soon as posssible.
Why did he disappear at 5am?????

This does not bode well for the future. Is there anywhere you can go for a few days?

Doha · 12/10/2012 09:20

Just read back some psots
DON'T EVEN COBSIDER MARRYING THIS MAN

Original poster
AlisonL1981 · 12/10/2012 09:22

I was suspicious because he disappeared at 5am saying something about going to do some work. He took my car so I'm stuck until he gets back. Had a look at his computer to see what he'd been up all night working on but the history was full of escorts photos. That's when I started to delve a bit deeper. I know he's always looked at porn and he's admitted that. It's something I live with. In his email to the escort he told he it was his first time and there aren't any other details of other bookings so my hopes are that it was a one off. I don't doubt that he loves me, he won't leave me alone since finding out about the baby.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 12/10/2012 09:26

You need to get yourself checked for STIs, especially important since you are pregnant. Most midwives today do blood tests, including a HIV test, which I think in your case is most definitely needed.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/10/2012 09:26

He's a liar and I'm not quite sure why you're making his excuses for him. A history 'full' of escort photos suggests a fairly serious habit. Why do you think he was telling the hooker the truth when he doesn't even tell you the truth?

QuintessentialShadows · 12/10/2012 09:27

I should add. He may get a kick out of the whole "first time with an escort experience", so could be what he does all the time when contacting escorts.

It takes a certain type of man to use prostitutes.

Doha · 12/10/2012 09:29

He is probably away meeting up with one right now--where else could he go at 5am?

QuintessentialShadows · 12/10/2012 09:31

He has taken your car to pick up a prostitute.

But he really loves you.

You sure about this relationship?

Original poster
AlisonL1981 · 12/10/2012 09:34

He can get into his office at 5am. If he hadn't taken my car I'd go and check. He left his phone here so I can't even contact him. Feel so helpless right now.

OP posts:
mummytime · 12/10/2012 09:34

You seem to have very low self-esteem for you first thoughts after you discover evidence he has cheated on you, and a suspicion he could be doing the same right now: not to be to "leave the bastard".
You need to get an STI test.
You need to separate and give yourself time to think and build your self-esteem. He is not the only fish in the sea,

QuintessentialShadows · 12/10/2012 09:36

Why would he go to work at 5 am?

Does he often "go to work" this early?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/10/2012 09:39

"If he hadn't taken my car I'd go and check."

Get a taxi?

Original poster
AlisonL1981 · 12/10/2012 09:42

It's plausible he could have been working. We were away for my birthday at the beginning of the week and have plans all weekend so he could have wanted to catch up with things.
Unfortunately for me I'm 400 miles from my family, so home is a 7 hour car journey.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/10/2012 09:42

They don't have landlines at his office?

BellaTata · 12/10/2012 09:46

I'd still go home for a long weekend/week to clear you head if he won't go. I think you need time away from him. Please do not fall for his 'first time' 'I won't do it again' excuses. Would you be more/less upset if he slept with a girl he knows from a bar/work? It's still cheating if it's with an escort.

Doha · 12/10/2012 09:46

Sorry love but you seem to be looking for excuses....

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