Night out with male friend.

[ThreeEdgedSword]

I have a weekend to myself coming up, and have arranged for a night out. Not with my DP, but with a mutual male friend. The plan is to go out, have a great time, crash at his then come home at some point the next day. I see absolutely no problem with this, it is a purely platonic friendship.

However.

I am wary of telling DP because of the comments he makes when I see this friend. He teases me about going on "dates" with his friends. Now, most of the time I know he's joking, but sometimes I wonder if there's real insecurity behind them. So now I almost scared to tell him I'm spending the weekend with this guy, even though it would be lovely to just be away from everything for a couple of days.

WWYD?

If there are sound practical reasons for staying at his, then I can't see a problem with it. I've stayed the night at a male friend's house when I've been away for work in a city where he lives and didn't think twice about it (like you, this is a long-time old friend who I've never had anything sexual with)

Just need to be sensitive to whether your DP is unsure about it, and reassure him if he is. Maybe find some pretext on which to text him during the evening.

I would do this, and would have no problem with DH doing the same.

If your DP does start making comments or jokes about it, then I'd try to address it directly -- say, Look, I didn't think it would be a problem, as this is something you would do with your female friends, but if it bothers you, lets talk about it. What are your concerns? And just go from there.

Thanks everyone for the advice, we had a quick chat about it before he went to work and he said the jokes were just that - jokes. He then said he'd have a chat with the friend and tell him to take good care of me .

He said that while it made him a little edgy, that's just from bad experiences in the past, but he rationalised it as 1) I wouldn't cheat on him, 2) our friend wouldn't betray him by trying it on, and 3) at least I won't get hassled by other guys, meaning I'll be able to have a good night out without worrying.

So I was, and wasn't worrying about nothing. I'm glad he didn't get mad he told me the only condition was that I text him a couple of times through the night so he knows I'm ok.

Did you discuss your past experiences with being controlled? It'd help him understand (not that he sounds like he doesn't understand!) and that's full disclosure and fab communication

I would tell him before you do it...I would be more suspicious if I found out about it later. You know that it is harmless and your DH has nothing to worry about, but your DH can still be uncomfortable with it.
I think you should go out with your friend, but not stay over at his house if you can help it. Unless of course your DH stays over at other female friends' houses then the same rules should apply to you.

Whoops, posted too late. Glad you were honest with him and he trusts you

I think the fact you live together mans you should tell him so he knos where you are - why would you lie?

As a whole I think having platonic friends of the same sex is fine and I have no problem with my DH doing this with female friends I know. I would think it odd if he wanted to do the same with someone I don't know.

When i was with my ex partner i regularly went on nights out with male friends and crashed at theirs. He trusted me, I never did anything wrong (although I was between 19/20 at the time and had DD1 who was 2/3 at the time, so still young but always got along with males better than females) I liked to be treated as one of the lads.

It was good to get out without my partner at the time.

I think you should tell him though, as the more honest you are, the less likely he will be worried about you being around this male friend.

My ex partner never got to know my male friends as they didnt like how he was with me (we lasted 5 years but he was a complete asshole) but still let me do as i pleased.

On a serious note, thank you for the advice. I am just going to tell him what I'm doing, and if he doesn't like it he can shove it, I'm not doing anything wrong.

sounds like you dont care that much about his feelings. Imagine if the situations were reversed. A man comes on here and says his wife's feelings dont count....

I didn't mean his feelings don't count, I meant I am not going to avoid doing things because he doesn't like them, rather than if he had a legitimate concern (in which case I may well avoid doing it, or find a compromise). I admit it sounded like I didn't care though. Fair enough to call me on it.