i hate my body after having my second child

[Fairylea]

That's it really. And it's impacting on my marriage. I feel absolutely disgusted with my body and I don't want any physical affection yet alone sex at all.

My ds is 4 months old and I have always been fairly slim. When I was pregnant I put on some weight as is normal and expected to lose it afterwards. I lost a few pounds initially and now it is creeping up and I weigh more than I did when I was pregnant. I have a bmi of 27 which makes me overweight. I have a thyroid issues for which I am regularly monitored and I am on the right dose.

I admit it's mostly due to being at home with ds and not running round at work like I normally would. I go out walking everyday and it's not coming off so I am going to try slim fast etc.

No one has said anything to me about this. It is something coming only from me. My gran ended up being a size 28 and I am scared if I don't get a held of this now I never will.

My dh is at his wits end with me and I know he just doesn't understand why it bothers me so much but I've never ever been this big. I had to buy new clothes as nothing fits. I feel embarrassed to go out like this as I don't look like me. I always used to wear a lot of make up and now I just feel like there is no point as whatever I do I just look big.

I'm sorry I know I probably sound horribly vain and offended tons of people but until I get this sorted my life is on hold. I am not depressed about any other area of my life. Just this.

It's all consuming and I'm dreadfully unhappy.

well said , tiredofwaitingforitalltochange.

I also heartily recommend a weighted hula hoop.

OP your concerns are very common. There are a few fortunate women out there whose bodies don't change much after childbirth. I'm not one of them. Please be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time

Hi OP, sorry you're feeling that way, I've been there myself.
Obviously if you're following a healthy diet then that's the first step.
I would really suggest looking into HIIT (high intensity interval training) It's not for the fainthearted and is around 20 mins of hard core exercise. Take it easy at first, you can find it on youtube for beginners and I know people who swear by it.
The magic is after completing your work out the body continues to burn fat for around 12 hours. Spend some time researching and it could give you great results. I'll pop back tomorrow if I remember any links or more info, at the moment I've lost the ability to write = too tired, can't see screen so it's bed now for me x

Perhaps look up parenting centres /mothers groups near you. I lived overseas when I had DS1 and ended up finding a stroller fitness class that I went to once a week. From that I met mothers who turned into great friends and we started meeting to walk regularly. The class was run by a fitness instructor who pushed us to walk at a fast pace and we stopped to do push ups etc along the way. Wasn't the leisurely walk in the park I had pictured but it was the kick start I needed! Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself.

It's not uncommon for the female libido to take a dive after giving birth and it may not return to its former giddy heights for many months after the event but, if you resumed your sex life without physical discomfort some weeks ago, it would seem that other issues are causing you to reject your dh outside as well as inside the bedroom, so to speak.

Giving birth is a life-changing experience which can cause some to ponder matters they rarely paid attention to before the advent of a pfb, and various subjects may have come to the forefront of your mind which you haven't previously paid much heed to.

Charting the milestones of our dc is a surefire way to focus attention on the passing of time and it's not unnatural to relate that to our own passage through the years, which suddenly appear to fly by until it seems that our youth was gone in little more than the blink of an eye.

You may be feeling overwhelmed by your recently acquired persona of a 'mum' - a being that you may believe is aeons away from the young, slim, and carefree woman you were, and that you fear you cannot become again in this lifetime.

In terms of being abe to please ourselves to the exclusion of any other consideration, the arrival of dc put an end to 'carefree' until such time as they've flown the nest and beyond but at 32, you are still young - and will remain young for as long as there are folk around who are older than you

As for 'slim', that is a state of mind as much as a physical shape. Many women of your age consider themselves slim at size 14/16/18 but, by paying attention to diet and exercise, there's no reason to suppose that you won't attain your pre-pgy weight if that is what you want.

Your dh obviously adores you and is no doubt longing to revel in your temporary voluptuousness; and rightly so because your womanly curves are testimony to you having brought his dc into the world.

Perhaps later today you can unearth your make-up bag, whack some slap on, pop dc in the pram/buggy, and take a hike around your locality?

And maybe tonight you can sit on the sofa with your dh, hold his hand, look into his eyes, and find the words to help him understand that post-pgy hormones can play havoc with the mind and body and that although at the moment you cannot express your love for him sexually with any degree of enthusiasm, this doesn't mean he is no longer the love of your life.

A few suggestions:

-Don't be so hard on yourself. A BMI of 27 and size 14 is not that overweight especially 4 months after giving birth! (I started there before I got pregnant...)

-That said, since you're not breastfeeding I think you might benefit from a simple protein and veg-based eating plan. If you can commit to it, it's something that will take a few pounds off fairly quickly (especially at your age - I'm the same age) and help you feel better fast. Atkins was always too extreme for me - I had great success on South Beach (Dr. Agatson), though. It's very moderate and easy to follow. You don't even have to cut out whole grains and you can do easy snacks. Here's the book on Amazon: South Beach Diet

-Have you tried any exercise DVDs? I loved zumba dance classes before I was pregnant - a super fun and effective way to get moving!! They make zumba DVDs for home - you could try this, or do something else fun like Bollywood dance workouts. Pilates is also really effective when combined with cardio for toning the tum.

You don't have to sit around and feel bad about yourself- be kind, it really is early and by making just a couple of changes to your eating and moving around schedule I bet you'll be back to your old self (or at least feeling a lot better) very soon!!

until I get this sorted my life is on hold

Noooo! As another poster said, stop punishing yourself! Please, look after yourself, be kind to yourself.

Look, my second is now a year old, and my enormous weight gain is shifting well, after starting low carbing (I recommend it, it worked for me after DC1 too: 'The Idiot-Proof Diet' is the book I use) a few months ago.

I've been where you are, and to be honest it is still very much an issue for me, but I manage day to day because I know I'm doing something about it. Can you talk honestly about this with your husband? Mine's been very supportive, not least because I think it is a relief for him to know it isn't that my feelings towards him have changed, just that I was finding the situation difficult.

After just 4 months, you could decide to give yourself more time to recover before thinking about a diet and fitness regime, but since it is really bothering you why not attack it now? That includes getting some nice clothes to help you feel more confident in the interim. I think that's actually really important. When you put things on hold, you tend to end up in a rut.

Good luck with it, and don't feel bad about feeling bad. We are a society where a woman's appearance is currency, is very important, and finding yourself in a very different place from where you were is understandably hard.

Right I've had a look through some of the sites I've used in the past.

HIIT training is a safe way to quickly burn fat/lose weight. Have you heard of any "boot camps" in your area? they're all the rage at the moment in the UK. They work on HIIT training, check this one out from my local area, for some idea's on the kind of exercises I'm not saying you should join one because personally I wouldn't, I found everything I needed to know from the web and do it at home.

It looks daunting but it's not really and you honestly do enjoy it - it gives me so much energy and a flood of feel good chemicals . I know one of the ladies in the VID and she dropped 3 dress sizes in around 12/16 weeks and got toned and is now actually a kettle bell instructor.

The basic premise for the training is that you work really hard for short intervals then have an active recovery period. To start you should do 15 seconds of high intensity activity (sprinting on the spot, jumping jacks, step ups on a chair/steps) then you have an active recovery - as i do this at home - my active recovery is a slow jog/walk around my ground floor for 45 seconds (the ratio is 3:1)...do 8 reps of this.

For the next phase I jump on the exercise bike for 10/15/20 mins (whatever time I've got to spare), steady paced to allow my body to recover and prepare it for the final phase.

The final phase in the workout will be equal intensity activity and active rest. Ideally it should be 60 secs of the sprinting, jumping jacks, steps then 60 secs of slow jogging/walking (ratio 1:1) again 8 reps of this BUT for a beginner try doing 30 secs of each and build it up. This is the part most important as it's what's going to allow the "after burning effect" Yes that's right AFTER you're finished your body continues burning fat :) As a beginner you should do this routine twice maybe 3 times weekly and take up something else gentler in between - possibly some toning, maybe some form of yoga until your body is stronger after child birth.
I lost fat from everywhere but noticed the biggest fat loss in my mummy tummy and my bum, some from my thighs.
I also use kettle bell training in addition to this to repair my core muscles, amongst other things (pelvic floor)

Eat as "clean" as you possibly can, natural healthy foods, no additives and not processed. I eat when raging hormones force me Dark chocolate 70% cocoa content or higher, it satisfies my need and is full of antioxidants too. So an occasional treat won't kill you.
Good quality green tea can assist weight loss too, I'm not positive on the amounts needed.

I know I've rambled here but just want you to see it's not hugely time consuming and once you start doing some exercise it's actually great for restoring your confidence as you're actively doing something to make yourself feel good.

Have a look on this site too, you can join as a member or just receive email updates
fityummymummy.com Yeah I know the title just pisses you off or maybe that was just me thinking "as if! they've all probably had surgery and had fat sucked from their every body part or they're just liars they've never even given birth ha ha"
BUT it's not like that, there's real inspirational stories on there from real people and some great advice and tips.

P.s - sorry in advance if my links don't work.

Even if you were stick thin, having more than one child (or even just the one) changes your tummy forever! I am also a size 14 now, having been a 10 til my early thirties. Although I do eat healthily, clearly even if I ate very litle and exercised a lot (which I don't), I would not have the body of a 19 year old.

But, do you know what? I have relatives in their eighties and nineties that would kill for the body of a 32 year old. You can't stop aging, all you can do is keep healthy, and look the best for your age. I think you have to be a bit more accepting that change is going to come to all of us. I am surrounded at work by beautiful young students, with long glossy hair and mostly very slim. I could spend all day getting upset about it, but I'm pretty happy as I've got lovely children, a family, a husband, an interesting job, and look reasonably attractive (though my age).

If you start thinking age 32 that you are totally unacceptable, you will waste years of your life, years which could be the best years of your life, focusing on a very trivial and not terribly interesting part of your whole self, the size of your tummy. I don't like having a wobbly tummy either, and if I could magic it away, I would. Til then, stick on the control pants, eat healthily (healthy food but in quite large quantities works for me) and go and live your life.