The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

It's a trivial worry in the grand scheme of things but it does stress me out...
These are the things that keep us drinking and dealing with them is a consequence and gift of getting sober.

can you just tell the friend to ask her son to shut the dog out of his room? that is truly above and beyond the duties of a dogwalker!! tell her you're uncomfortable having to go into his bedroom to get the dog - up to you whether you mention the pisspot.

how gross!

grey uggh that is disgusting, it sounds trivial but really your friend should take your job more seriously.

I think (its hard not being in that situation) I'd say to the owner

'I couldn't get the dog to come out this morning, can you leave her in the kitchen before you go out'

and if she replies that you can just go into the son's bedroom, you raise your eyebrows as though she's asking you to do something inappropriate (which she is) and say

'Lazy tosser is still there, and dog hides under his bed!' and have a look on your face that implies this is Not On.

Actually its surely not your job to go chasing the dog round the house, whether the lad is there or not. If dog is not available to you, it doesn't get walked.

I agree Greyhound that's not fair at all. It's difficult as the guy has clearly got problems and I'd steer clear of the pee or his lifestyle but just that you feel a bit awkward going under a sleeping mans bed to retrieve the dog and someone has already suggested can she leave the dog in the kitchen.

Greyhound, you don't happen to be in Yorkshire and do dog sitting do you. I really need a new sitter :)

Thanks all :) Greeneyed Unfortunately, I don't live in that area or I would have loved to help!

Well, I went into the guy's bedroom today and he was, at least, up and sitting at his computer. I managed to get the dog out without much trouble.

However, this is not a reasonable situation and I will speak to my friend about it. I think she's just given up on him, frankly. It was me, I'd either chuck him out of the house or insist he make himself useful whilst he is there. For example, they have just hired a new cleaning lady. Why can't he do the bloody cleaning instead of staying in his skanky, stinky bed all the time? The guy's a nightmare.

I have spoken to my friend in the past about how the dog hides and it can take me ages to find her. It's a big house and I don't like having to go into all the rooms to look under the beds etc. It didn't seem to go into her consciousness, however, even though I have told her that I have other dogs waiting to be collected and I don't have the time to faff around trying to locate her canine.

greyhound I'd advise you to steer clear of any comments on the son or his lifestyle if possible, and just say you aren't able to go looking for the dog, as you can't leave the other owners waiting.

You can't be expected to play a game of hide and seek!

*Greyhound if this were April 1st I'd be thinking you were having a laugh! Honestly, that is so ridiculous and beyond gross. If the guy is using drugs you don't want to be anywhere near his bodily fluids, apart from anything else, it's a health hazard!

However, I agree with joey that, for the sake of the friendship, don't make it about the man. Just say that from now on you will collect the dog from (agreed room, preferably one without beds to hide under) and if it's not there, you will leave without it and perhaps her son could walk it instead

Be clear, be firm and don't let her take advantage of you any more x

good point about the health hazards scary

koti its funny how that craving creeps up just when you're not expecting it. My bank statement came through today Turns out toffee mousses and pain au chocolats are just as expensive as wine. Must find cheap free alternatives to treat myself

Evening, tis me, Mouse

IsinDe -

So sorry not to have read back but I'd been thinking a lot about my own drinking, past and present, of late and I guess your post made me want to 'share' some of those thoughts, I hope that's okay? Feel free to ignore

My wake up call was risking the life if my precious Nemo's life by picking him up pissed, out of my face. Well, that was my most serious one. Then we have last year's holiday, pissed, smashing my face open in the bathroom with my DD's best friend with us, having to lie, with a twisted knot in the pit of my sick swilled stomach, to them about the silly shelf over the sink, blah blah.

How I've gotten to 37 years of age is beyond me. The shit I have put myself through, the danger, the stupid, stupid situations, the life threatening combination of drinking and taking drugs too...... mixing my pain medications with bottles, yes, bottles of wine/alcohol...... it all just makes me shudder. I run cold thinking about what I did, the person I am.

I am still that person, or at least I would be, if I let myself drink/drug like that again. If it all got too much, like it has of late, being ill, constant, searing pain, tears rolling down my face at 2am because I just can not move. My marriage is suffering, although DH wouldn't say it to my face, because of my disABILITY.

I have fucked up more times than I care to post but in many different ways, however the outcome has always been the same; I've regretted my actions by the time I sobered up.

I have hurt people, lied, tried to end my own precious life to punish an ex, been spiteful, mean, cruel and actually a complete bitch for no reason at all, other than being off my face, being selfish, wanting to be in control, wanting to be the one calling the shots in life.........

All of those times, every time was my choice. I chose to drink, take the drugs/meds....... I chose to fuck it up big time. I chose to risk it all. Time and time again.

Some of it was to blank out awful mental, physical and sexual abuse. To blank out the pain. All the drinking really did was blur the memory, rub out some of the finer points to the details my head would replay for me, clear as day, the smells, the sounds, the feelings......

For those who are new to this Bus thank God (or your choice of God) for you getting aboard. Sure, there's AA, local community teams who can and WILL help you, they can be fantastic. But here, no-one knows your face do they? (I know some Babes have met, I'm not talking about that )

You can be honest here, raw, shockingly raw. You can tell us what ever you want to, or not. You can ask for help, for what you need. You can stay here, you can lurk, you can drink or not..... You can get off your face and come and tell us all about it. No-one will tell you to get lost. You might be 'advised' to slow down, do 'The Drill' (brush your teeth x2, pour the drink away, get into your PJs, hide your car keys etc.....)

But this place? This Bus is as real for me as AA or any other support group. It's open 24/7. You can sit where you like. You can talk, or not. You can cry your heart out and tell us all why you drink.

Or not.

You will NEVER be judged for drinking the amount you've drunk/drink/drank. Chasing the hope that this is the last ever drink, the cure to all of your (insert problem here) worries, to the bottom of the bottle, chasing the fixer, it's in there somewhere isn't it? Except it's just not. I promise you that. It's not at the bottom of that bottle, it's not at the top of it either.

Keep drinking, keep looking, keep getting to the bottom. Time and time again. You will find something, eventually. But what is it you're looking for? Can you even remember? It tastes sooooo nice, the warm, gentle liquid, soothing those bruises that life leaves behind.......

Addiction takes. It always and I mean always takes from you, your loved ones, your life, small little parts that you don't really miss at first. At first.

Keep going, Brave Babes. ODAAT. xx

Mouse xxxxxx

Thank you Mouse, I came on the thread because a hugely persuasive voice is telling me it's okay to have a drink tonight - you've helped thank you xx

mouse - you are a wonder

Tonight I went for a walk as I am still not well enough to drink. I was almost cross with myself for having to make the decision not to take my purse with me so I wouldn't buy alcohol while I was out. Sometimes I don't want to have to go out of my way to avoid alcohol - if that makes sense. I want to be 'normal'. I want it not to be a problem. For once. What this bus does for me is make me realise that it is actually vitally important to make these decisions and to go out of your way to remove yourself from temptation. Rather than getting frustrated by the person I am, you mouse tonight have made me proud that I recognised that taking cash would have been foolish. And that I was the stronger person for deciding not to do it. Thank you x

Argh. Still not well enough to run. Not bloody drink. Freudian slip there!!

NoNo - exactly...... it's about YOU taking the control back without a prop, a crutch, a bloody reason. Don't drink because you don't need to. Don't drink because you don't want or have to.....

If you ever get to the point where you can have 2 glasses of wine, or a couple of drinks, like I can now (And it takes EVERY fibre of my being to do that, with NO GUARANTEES THAT I WON'T FUCK UP!)..... then great.

Life if a gift, a wonderful gift. Your life is a gift to others NoNo.... your children? Mother? Siblings? Someone, people in your life value YOU. Let it stay that way xx

I'm going to snuggle up with DH and watch some old CSI Vegas before BT realise we've left their robbing clutches and we lose the recordings we've built up.

Anywho....I have to try each and every day to love all of me. That will never go away, but it's getting easier, this Bus makes my whole life easier.

Thank you to all of you for being a part of my life.

Night all xxx

mouse - hope you have a lovely snuggle.

Sometimes I do just wish there wasn't such a big struggle in my head all the time. I struggle all day every day with what to eat - can I justify the calories etc. and then with exercise - how much I should do. And then bastard alcohol. Argh. Sometimes I just want to switch my head off and not have to worry about it for once.

I love my kids to the end of the earth. And I am doing this for them and for me. No siblings, no contact with my parents. No husband. But 2 gorgeous kids. They are my life and they are worth everything. Thanks for reminding me of that x

Mouse, you are fantastic!

Well done kotinka. Day 5 for me, I will not drink today. Morning all babes, have a good day x

Morning all

Well done to all those who battled through it last night. It seems so hard at the time but once it's past, you never regret not drinking.

I resisted a gorgeous home-made coffee cake about 13 months ago (at a birthday party) and does that bother me now? Of course not. It's well in the past. Whatever I would have gained from eating it (a few moments of sweet taste) would be all forgotton about by now. But it would have blown my diet for that day, possibly even that week and I would have felt guilty and annoyed with myself.

Same principle with booze. Once the craving is behind you it loses all it's power. It means less than nothing. But the fab feeling from having resisted stays with me. I feel great all day, like I can take on the world

If you're feeling low or even a bit lonely, remind yourself of this:

To the world you are just one person, but to one person you might be the world.

Have a great day babes x

well done koti

I feel the same way NoNo Have reached 4 weeks (!!) but every day still seems like a battle. The worst is during the daytime when I can't stop thinking about it, not so much whether I'm going to drink today (I know I'm not going to) but about alcohol in general. This weekend, DHs birthday, the holiday, the 'talent show' at DHs work which is in November.

I can make a decision about ODAAT but that doesn't stop me worrying about the future.

Hi everyone,
3 rd night AF last night for me. Both nights dh had a small glass (he doesnt drink much at all in fact goes weeks without bothering so in fact when we share a bottle of wine its more 2/3rds me 1/3 him ! ). Anyway i know working the last 3 nights has helped and i can honestly say it didnt bother me. In fact instead of falling asleep i watched TV again which i havent done in ages and sorted all my bills !
Skin def clearer.
Would i withdraw after drinking half a bottle every night because im on 4th day and feel fine ?
Im going to a lovely dinner party tonight and looking forward to a couple of glasses which is what i want to do. Be able to drink out with friends/with nice dinner out ect, but also happily not drink at home in the week .