Hello, here is a brief bit of background to my relationship with my mother:
- I grew up pretty much just with my mother. My father was away a lot with work as he was in the forces; my brothers are much older than me and were at boarding school; as we moved around a lot, I had no real long term friends.
- Looking back now, I can see that my mother was full of self pity and depression. She constantly looked on the bleakest possible side of everything, saw the worst in everyone and everything, and was resentful of anything that went well for me, finding something negative to say about anything good that I did or any good luck I had. If she could not find anything suitably dark to say, she would rely on her old favourite "oh well, the IRA will probably blow us up anyway."
- unsurprisingly, I became fearful of everything and everyone and believed that no matter how well I did in anything, it wasn't good enough. I became very depressed at an eary age (diagnosed at 9 by the forces Dr who said in my notes, it was due to my parents).
- At fifteen, I was a straight A student who kept being told by my mother that I was stupid and my school was rubbish which is why they thought I was good and that I would never get into university.
- On being accepted into Cambridge, I realised she was talking shit. I had a blinding moment of realisation when I saw she has just been transferring all her shit onto me and, while my friends had all been supported and buoyed up by their parents, I had been let down terribly by mine.
- I then had a great time enjoying life, feeling positive about the future for the first time ever, and generally stayed the hell away from the toxic, depressive old witch.
- things have become more complicated since having DD who is now 18 weeks old. Having a DD of my own makes me even more livid at how I was treated - I would do anything, anything , for my little girl and want the very best for her. I can not understand the resentful, jealous, undermining awfulness I was subjected to. I am beyond furious that this woman refers to herself as my mother.
- However, she is still married to my father and I want him to see DD. The upshot has been an uneasy truce whereby they have seen DD twice together and DF has seen her twice on his own. When my so called mother came up to see DD last time, she was vile. She said things like "someone has to keep an eye on that baby" ie I am not looking after her properly; she said to DD when she started crying "mummy doesn't love you and daddy doesn't love you" at which point I flipped and asked her to leave; she even had a go at me because she thought the cat looked sad and neglected (our cat is a very content, well fed puss who is effectively queen of the house and isn't so much as slightly downcast ever). These are just a few examples of the shit to which we were subjected.
- anyway, my parents are coming up next week and spending the night. I don't know why I agreed to this. I think it's because I want my dad to see DD. I am shaking with anxiety already that the bitter old witch is going to be, well, herself.
What should I do? Cancel? Prepare some put downs in advance? What can I do to minimise her awfulness?
Erggggggh. I would love to hear from anyone else who had experienced anything similar! And any advice on how I can keep the toxic awfulness away from my lovely DD would be gratefully received.
I suspect I am just going to have to cancel ... Such a shame for DD to miss out on time with my dad though.
Thank you for reading my rant... 