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Original poster

Feel weird. Ex-h's new baby born today

58 replies

Mexxo · 19/09/2012 21:00

He called from the delivery room to tell us (me and the DCs). Happy for them... But also feel a bit weird about it. I feel like the baby is a part of my family, and yet there is no word to describe what the baby and I are in relation to each other. "My DC's half sister" doesn't really cut it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mexxo · 19/09/2012 21:01

Posted too soon! Meant to say: how do other MNers feel in this situation?

OP posts:
YouBrokeMySmoulder · 19/09/2012 21:03

Ifind it hard not having a term for it and knowing that ds has another sibling that dd won't know at all.

I was actually really happy for them though but it did push ds out a bit so you have to fight a bit harder for what they need. That was my experience anyway.

omletta · 19/09/2012 21:06

Not he same situation but the mother of my step children will have a child soon (13 year gap) this child will be my step child, the half sibling of my DSC and the step sibling of my DS.

Ours is an unusual situation in that I am very fond of DSC's mum and it's important to me, and to the kids that we are all one big family.

My DH doesn't quite feel the same....but lives with it!

mogandme · 19/09/2012 21:09

Omletta why will it be your stepchild?

NamesKerry · 19/09/2012 21:09

I know what you mean Op. When my DD's dad had his son I found it hard to get my head around the fact she had a brother that was no relation to me.

Took me a while but I was glad she had a sibling. I never wanted her to be an only child

Mellower · 19/09/2012 21:10

My Dc do not see their father so, I told them a few weeks back they had a step-sister but they were not really interested, I realise this may change as they get older.

Makes me feel a bit, I don't know, but it has been on my mind, we don't even know if they will get to keep her or if she will be taken into care. Just curiousity I guess. Hopefully this will change him. Hmm

Dryjuice25 · 19/09/2012 21:12

"he called from delivery room...."

I assume you're on good terms or is he trying to rub it in?

NellyJob · 19/09/2012 21:14

this child will be my step child
how could it be your step child, it will be the child of your parter's ex.
it will be no relation to you at all.

omletta · 19/09/2012 21:15

Mogandme - because there is no other way to define the relationship. The same as the child who my DH and I have is the stepchild of his ExDW. It's not correct, but it's how we have chosen to deal with things.

tribpot · 19/09/2012 21:19

I guess it's possible it's omletta's step-child if her DP is the father of the baby, but I sincerely hope this is not the case!

The exact distinctions maybe less relevant among the children; I was once in a pub when my step-brother was trying to explain who my half-sister was to one of his friends. They were utterly bemused by the explanation 'my step-sister's half-sister'. Fortunately I am well used to drawing pictures to explain the complexities of my blended family!

Beamur · 19/09/2012 21:20

My DSD was 12 when my DD was born and had a really hard time trying to connect how her new sister was related to her Mum. The answer being - they aren't! But my DP's ex wife is a nice woman, so she volunteered that she could be an 'honorary' auntie, which was nice for all concerned. She buys DD Christmas and Birthday presents too.

omletta · 19/09/2012 21:24

No my DH is not the new child's father, absolutely not, no no no! We have been married 10years, and the other couple together the same amount of time.

As I said its not correct but how we have chosen to deal with it. And for us it has worked, all the children are quite secure in their understanding of the roles of their parents ( all 4 of us) and I hope the new one wil be too.

AnotherMumOnHere · 19/09/2012 21:24

@ mexxo - I dont see anything wrong in calling the new baby the dc's half sister.

omletta · 19/09/2012 21:26

Yes Beamur, that's exactly why DHs exDw was first defined as stepmum by us, because my DSC needed an explanation as to how our DS was related to their mum.

Beamur · 19/09/2012 21:27

Names and labels are just tools really - I'm not strictly speaking DSS and DSD's step mum as I'm not actually married to their Dad!

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 19/09/2012 21:28

I like the aunty idea, its sweet

omletta · 19/09/2012 21:28

Sorry Mexico - didn't mean to hijack your thread. DCs half sister would be correct.

CremeEggThief · 19/09/2012 21:29

It's early days for me, as my marriage broke up just 3 months ago, but I am already worrying about this situation...

Just 8 weeks before I discovered he was leaving me for an O.W., I broached the subject of us trying for another baby. Obviously, he wasn't keen! I was going to force him to have the snip, if he still wasn't keen in a year ( to stop him from having another child with someone else if we ever split), and now I've missed my chance to do that.

I am 34 and have to live with the fact I may never have another child, and if I'd left him 4 years ago, when things started going wrong, I could have had one by now...Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

So I can't imagine ever being okay with the situation, but it may well have been different if we had split amicably and before he started seeing someone else.

Original poster
Mexxo · 19/09/2012 21:34

Thanks all. Dryjuice, we get on ok. On civil, rather than "good" terms but his wife facilitates things and is good to my DCs. I was quite agitated when they first told me she was PG, but once I got used to it I started to get quite excited. However, it is his wife's first baby and I know that my DCs will now take second place for her, which makes me sad as she is more of a parent to them than their dad is. She's the one who "does" for them at weekends and so on, while he sits on the sofa watching Sky Sports.

Hey ho. A new chapter begins...

(Also feel a little like she might have "beaten" me as I had 2 x c-section and she popped the baby out with no pain relief in about 20 mins!)

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 19/09/2012 21:36

That sounds quite nasty actually Creme.. very premeditatedly nasty too.

You are 34, so what is to stop you from meeting someone in the future and having a child with them?

Discolite · 19/09/2012 21:36

Cremeeggthief, you are being odd. Your (ex)partner's future fertility is none of your business. Imagine if you were a man saying he wanted his wife to be sterilised so she could never have children with anyone else - it's very close to being abusive.

NellyJob · 19/09/2012 21:40

I was going to force him to have the snip, if he still wasn't keen in a year ( to stop him from having another child with someone else if we ever split), and now I've missed my chance to do that
OMG!!!!! I am shocked....as Discolite said, imagine a man saying about his woman.

NellyJob · 19/09/2012 21:40

*that

Socknickingpixie · 19/09/2012 21:50

op, i personally would flip out if my exhusbands current gf refered to my child (not my exdh's) as her step child but then again i hate her with a vengance (shes unkind to my other children) so for me it would be my sdc's sister/brother.

cremeegg- thats insane and outragious. but i do know a woman who did that,she knew she wanted to leave as she was seeing another bloke 2 years before she kicked out her dh,fleeced him financially bullied him into getting the snip as soon as the check was done she booted him out very very nasty woman indeed.

Dryjuice25 · 19/09/2012 21:51

Creme, just wow. How calculating are you. You have no right to control his fertility to spare your hurt.

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