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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I tell my DH

54 replies

VodkaAndCokeplease · 17/09/2012 15:11

DH and I have been married for abt. 15 years, 2DCs

A few months ago I developed a crush for someone else. I don't know where this came from because although things are not the way they were in my home life I always considered myself to be happy. Unfortunately it is not possible to stop seeing this OM because he is someone I work with. Nothing has happened between us and that is how I want it to stay, there is no way I would cheat on DH. I have tried to get the OM out of my system and focus my energy on my relationship but it does not want to go away. I'm running out of ideas and I wonder if perhaps I should tell DH that I have feelings for someone else but that there is no way I would act on them. I know it would cause a lot of pain and that perhaps this is a selfish thing to do. However I do think DH is noticing a difference in my behaviour. The other day he asked me to use my phone because his was flat. I'm not sure if it really was or if he just wanted to have a look to see if there was anything in my phone, which of course there isn't because there is nothing going on.

I need this feeling to go away and I feel guilty as if I'm having an affair because I often think about the OM. I'm not a bad person and I don't want to hurt anyone but if I'm honest with myself I think that if I did not have DC I may be tempted to take this further.

Please help...

OP posts:
leguminous · 17/09/2012 23:15

I don't think you should tell your DH, OP - you're not having an affair, he can't magic the crush away for you, and to my mind it'll just hurt him for no real gain. Crushes really are very normal, and although this one is clearly too intense and persistent for you to be comfortable with, you haven't done anything wrong at this point. As for dreams, you don't get to control those, so please don't beat yourself up! God, if dreaming were cheating I'd be in deep shit...

You clearly do want to get rid of the crush, though. Might sound silly, but have you tried picturing him in all sorts of mundane, off-putting scenarios? Morning breath, snoring, farting, sat on the loo with curry-and-hangover shits. Wee spot on the front of his pants where he's not, erm, shaken vigorously enough. Wearing the same rancid socks five days in a row. Think of anything your husband does that makes you grit your teeth, then force yourself to realise that OM no doubt does it too, or something even more irritating. He looks shiny because you haven't been married to him for years! Keep on remembering that he's not actually way more amazing than what you've got now - crushes are giddy little departures from reality. It will wear off. Feelings do, if they're not fed.

And I really think you need to get a bit more firm about pencilling in quality time with your DH. Forget the "we can't seem to be able to" stuff. This is important. I know it's hard when work spills over into every waking minute, but it's not going to get better by itself - you guys need to set the boundaries together and carve out time, cos work's not going to do it for you.

Charbon · 17/09/2012 23:17

I think if this crush has gone on for what you describe as 'a lot' longer than 6 months and is impacting on your marriage to the extent that you are no longer able to enjoy family holidays and your husband is starting to worry that you're having an affair and checking your phone, then you must do something to bring matters to a head.

There are several options. You mentioned discussing this with your husband - and if you choose your words carefully and package this as it giving you a wake-up call to make your relationship more of a priority, then if your husband trusts you and isn't someone who thinks being married means never finding anyone else attractive, it could be a very productive thing to do. If he's been worrying you're having an affair, this might be a relief and by you broaching the subject and being transparent about it, it demonstrates your honesty and trustworthiness. Also, if you've told no-one but Mumsnet about your crush, then just discussing it sometimes has the effect of neutralising it, because these things thrive on secrecy and the illicit/forbidden nature of them.

Or you put even more distance between you and the crush. Look for a different role or job so that even occasional contact is impossible.

Or you make a concerted effort to make time for revitalising what sounds like a good, strong marriage. Loads of fundamentally good marriages go through periods when life is chaotic and busy and the relationship is left to take care of itself. But every relationship needs nurturing from time to time, just as every sex life needs spicing up if it's becoming too routine.

I've a feeling that only the first option will produce a more urgent incentive for your partner to match your efforts, but this will only work if you're both prepared to jolt yourselves out of your complacency and put your relationship first on the priority list.

VodkaAndCokeplease · 18/09/2012 10:02

Carbon - Yes it is effecting my daily life. Which is why I'm considering to tell DH. I know DH feels something is going on. I don't know if his phone was really flat when he asked for mine but last night I went to a friends house who I hadn't seen since the beginning of the summer hols and he rang me there on her landline to ask the a really stupid question which could easily have waited until I got back. So he is definitely checking up on me. What do I do if once he gives up checking on me because he can not find anything and decides to sit me down and asks what is going on.... Do I lie and tell him I'm stressed or that I'm having a midlife crisis?! As much as I don't want to tell him the truth I do not want to lie either.

In terms of comparing DH and OM been there and done that. DH goes to the gym and is not overweight, is a very good looking man (who gets attention from the ladies), is kind, social drinker, does not smoke, nice smile, tall...too many good qualities to name.
OM: teeth are not great, short and beer belly, smokes, not very tall, drinking from what I have seen at office functions he knocks them back quickly. Give me half of what he drinks and I would not be able to stand.

So on paper the OM is not very attractive and still he me makes me feel like a love sick teenager.

I have not spoken to anyone in the real world about this but I'm seriously considering to see a councillor, even if only for one session. Just so I can talk about it. Even writing about it here really helps, it is such a relieve to let it all out. Thanks to all of you for your support.

OP posts:
Charbon · 18/09/2012 10:24

Okay, well let's unpack this a bit more.

What is it about the OM that makes him attractive to you?

Is it him as a person, is it his sexual charisma, is it his humour?

Or is this more about the way he makes you feel, not about him but about yourself?

When someone has a crush or an affair with someone who by any objective standard, they wouldn't entertain in a relationship if single, it suggests that in reality, the crush or addiction is more to do with the feelings about oneself. The compliments and the feelings of being sexually desirable to someone else are intensely addictive because they speak to a part of you that is not someone's wife, mother, daughter or wage slave. So in a sense, the love affair is with yourself and not this person. Less diplomatically within reason, he could have been anyone as long as he fulfilled the requirements to make you feel good about yourself.

Your husband sounds very troubled and fearful.

What do you think about the options I suggested?

betternamechange · 18/09/2012 10:47

Vodka. Been in exactly yr position. It is an awkward place to be. What difference is yr DH noticing in you, do you think? An emotional distancing perhaps? Why not acknowledge this without mentioning the crush and start making a date night every week. Do u email or text yr crush? Or is it just chance encounters at work? Is he married? I feel for you.

VodkaAndCokeplease · 18/09/2012 11:18

I don't know why I find him so attractive. The truth is that I fancied him the first time I saw him, before I even spoke to him. This is about two and a half years ago but that was just a normal crush. It is since the beginning of this year that things seem to have developed in to something more than a crush. I/e starting to effect my life which it didn't before. So I don't think it could have been anyone. I also don't think it is a sex thing. During my marriage there have been instances where I had "opportunities" but have never been remotely interested even told DH about them in a joking way.
OM has a wicked sense of humour and makes me laugh, (but so does DH). Definitely don't like the way he makes me feel at the moment. When this was just a normal crush it was kind of fun but it isn't anymore. I'm unhappy when I'm away from him for periods of time ( like holidays, which should be the highlight of the year in terms of quality family time) and he effects my life to the extent that DH seems to notice that something is going on.

Creating more distance between us at work, is going to be difficult. Also can not start blanking him completely, the last thing I need is for people at work to start gossiping. Would like to keep it as normal a possible. Hopefully mid October things will settle down a bit work wise for DH before the mad end of year rush. Was going to see if I could book a surprise long weekend away without the kids. We have done that many moons ago and it did us both the world of good. I have realised for a while that I should put more in to my marriage but on the other hand it is not so easy to go for a nice romantic walk if I'm thinking of OM. I really tried to use our holiday in the sun to revitalise the relationship and try to forget about OM and failed miserably.

BetterNameChange - I think DH is starting to notice that I'm not my cheerful normal self. I get irritated quickly, not just with him with everyone. OM is not married. He split from his longer term OH with who he has a grown up DD just after Christmas which in a way has made him available. However he has moved his elderly mother in to his house which is a very sweet thing to do and I'm sure his mum is very nice but who, at my age, would want a boyfriend with live in mother... Not saying that I want him as a boyfriend, just in general. Not very romantic is it?

I'm off now but will read later tonight. Please don't give up on me.

OP posts:
Kaluki · 18/09/2012 11:41

Well I don't think tell your DH about the OM but why not talk to him about your marriage and how you feel it needs a kick to get back what you had.
He might be feeling the same.
I have had crushes on men at work in the past and the only one I ever acted on (I was single) turned into a disaster and ended up in him leaving the company!!

Think of how it would affect your job, really look at him properly, I bet you could find something to put you off. Or if not, just enjoy the fantasy and see it for what it is - a symptom that your marriage needs attention.

Kaluki · 18/09/2012 11:42

The compliments and the feelings of being sexually desirable to someone else are intensely addictive because they speak to a part of you that is not someone's wife, mother, daughter or wage slave. So in a sense, the love affair is with yourself and not this person.
Blimey - that is so true. I've never thought of it like that before.

BeautifulBlondePineapple · 18/09/2012 12:35

Crushes happen to me fairly regularly. The first one was years ago before DH & I were married. I had a brief affair and it all ended terribly - I was obsessed and behaved awfully. I was very lucky that DH did not leave me when I admitted all. Now I have absolutely no idea what I saw in the OM and I am still ashamed at what I did.

I now try to stop the thoughts as soon as they come into my head and try to keep a big distance between myself and the current object of desire until it passes (it may take a while, but it always does pass!).

It sounds like you're doing the right thing - you've accepted that you've got a crush but you're not acting on it. You seem to be acting responsibly but you do have to address the issues.

Carbon's advice is all spot on.

JollyJumper · 18/09/2012 13:41

I wish I could find that thread written by Charbon where she very intelligently explains the psychology of the crush on the OM or OW... it's not really them we're "in love with or attracted to" it is the different perception we have of yourselves. In terms of analogy I think she used cars, let's say you are a Volvo saloon and the OM makes you feel like you are a MG sports car . It is an illusion. It is a fabrication of your (bored) mind and a way to sabottage your own relationship. I'd devote time trying to understand what you think you are getitng from the OM (are you feeling attractive, young, intelligent, funny when you are in his company?)and why you are open to those feelings (could you H make you feel like that again?). Perhaps a therapy?

needtotalksoon · 18/09/2012 13:46

DON'T TELL HIM
I speak from experience. I am in a very similar situation to you and I made the mistake of telling my DH. Although he says he appreciates my honesty, it can never be unsaid. I still work with the 'crush' who is blissfully unaware.

My other advice is to redouble your effort within your relationship, however you can... I found by making my relationship work better my crush receded. Unfortunately, because I told DH in the first place, it keeps raising its ugly head and deep down my DH doesn't really trust me anymore :(. In a way it feels very unfair because I wasn't unfaithful, but it is a situation of my own making.

have name changed for this

betternamechange · 18/09/2012 14:32

There is obviously truth in what charbon says. There is also the fact that we do, whether single or married, meet men in our lives who we just connect with and There isv alidity for our feelings, appropriate or otherwise. It isn't always merely the volvo to mg effect. as i see it there are several possible outcomes - keep as u r, work on yr marriage and try and put crush to the side, tell DH and do as before or otherwise possibly enter the complications of uan affair. I offer no opinions or judgements. You are not a bad person. Many of us have been in your shoes.

DoingItForMyself · 18/09/2012 14:56

I know exactly how you feel Vodka, I was in your shoes last year and its so difficult.

I did tell my (then) DH, as I'd been really withdrawn for a few months, fantasising about a different life and then I made the decision to put my efforts into my marriage. He was suspicious that I was making a big effort to be more loving to him Hmm and asked why. I said that I'd been thinking I should have married someone more like (object of my crush), as we had lots in common, but that I now realised that it would have been a big mistake and that our differences were what made our relationship work.

Fast-forward to this year, I have now separated from H, been on a date with said crush, kissed him and he subsequently backed off, didn't see him for dust, as he obviously got the impression I'd left my H to be with him (I didn't!). Felt really disappointed as I'd built him up to be something special in my mind whereas actually he is a bit immature and selfish and has behaved quite rudely towards me considering we were friends before all this.

I now can't see what the appeal was, don't find him in the slightest bit attractive and can only presume it is exactly what was said above, that actually it was an affair with myself, that I was learning to value myself and see myself as a sexual person outside of my miserable marriage.

Charbon · 18/09/2012 16:27

If the OM became single around Christmas and you found that the crush was deepening 'at the beginning of the year' it seems like an obvious possibility that what changed between you was the signals you were both emitting, together with a changed internal dialogue on your part. He was emitting 'available' signals (not necessarily to you personally and exclusively) and you were responding, together with an internal dialogue that perhaps this was more permissible, because you weren't now intruding on someone else's relationship. At the same time, his availability ceased to make this as 'safe' as it once was and this explains your discomfort.

People often baulk at the term 'it could be anyone' and I understand why that is, because it feels like I'm devaluing something that has become quite precious to you, while simultaneously giving you problems. Even a bad secret habit can become precious to us, because it's a part of us that no-one knows. Because this has been going on for so long - 2.5 years - it's become part of you that might be difficult to give up.

The other problem with the 'it could be anyone' suggestion is that there is a received inference that this is a shallow thing felt by a shallow person. It's neither of those things at all. All it means is that this person has come to represent something to you that's not personal to him or his individual qualities, but the feelings he stirs up in you, possibly in an area of yourself that has been untapped for some time.

This doesn't mean that your marriage or husband is lacking in any way. It would be impossible for him to replicate the headiness of the early days of a relationship, just as you wouldn't be able to compete with another woman who made him yearn for those initial feelings.

You emphasised in your initial posts that the 'spark' has gone a bit and you've rationalised that as being due to your relationships longevity. I admire you for your pragmatism about this, but it seems to me that however rational you are about that, there is still a yearning for the early days of sparks flying, intense and sometimes uncomfortable feelings and the pleasure and pain of infatuation. Perhaps you experienced that in a safe way until Christmas, but then his availability notched it up.

You've been married 15 years and you might believe that it's impossible to recreate those heady feelings after all this time. But the strange thing about a marriage crisis that is jointly experienced and tackled is that it can stir things up so much that complacency is stripped away and the 'lack of safety' this engenders revitalises the marriage and the feelings for one another. Numerous long-term couples talk about 'falling in love again' after something has happened that threatened their safety, either as individuals or their union itself.

I can't advise you either way about discussing this with your husband. You mentioned that you were previously close and told eachother everything and I'd imagine this has put a distance between you for what is now a long time. Only you know whether he will understand this, or will instantly mistrust you as in the case of a recent poster's experience. If you do decide to share this, you also need to be prepared to hear about your husband's own crushes and temptations. A conversation like this is a risk and requires a level of maturity and pragmatism not everyone has. When it works though, it can blow the cobwebs away and marks a more honest, grown-up phase in a couple relationship.

I think given that your husband sounds like he is suffering and worrying, it's not an option to do nothing. I think you need to be proactive about this and tackle it.

Crinkle77 · 18/09/2012 16:44

So far nothing has happened so it wouldn't achieve anything by telling your husband about your crush. In fact it might make things worse cos he knows if you work with him you will see him every day.

Is it possible to change desks or offices so you don't have to keep bumping in to this OM?

Proudnscary · 18/09/2012 17:21

If my husband told me he was madly in lust with someone my only thought would be 'Why did you tell me?'.

Firstly in a 'I didn't need to know that, now I'm feeling weird and insecure' way.

Secondly in a suspicious way as in 'What you are really trying to say? That you want to have an affair/open marriage...are you trying to make me feel bad about myself?

Just don't do it. How on earth do you think it will help you or him?

If you want to talk about your marriage, do that. Don't mention this guy who I guarantee you won't fancy at all in a couple of months.

VodkaAndCokeplease · 21/09/2012 14:53

Went out for drinks with the office last night, a colleague is leaving.

Ended up in a conversation with my crush, just the two of us and nobody could overhear us.

He asked me to go on for a drink somewhere else, just the two of us. Maybe it was the wine talking, I'm not sure how it happened but I told him that I think he is a very nice man and that he makes me laugh a lot and that if it wasn't that I was happy with DH I would have loved to go out for a drink with him.

I gave him the I'm not single but happily married line. (did not feel the need to add that I fancied the pants of him and have sex with him in my dreams etc...) It now sort of feels as if I have cleared the air.

I don't know if this was a smart move or not but I'm feeling so much better now... even though it is Friday and I will not see him during the weekend. Just maybe this is the road to recovery?! I hope it is.

Thanks again for all your support, it has helped me a lot.

OP posts:
Kaluki · 21/09/2012 15:22

Well done!
You did the right thing.
Now go and sort out your marriage Smile

DoingItForMyself · 21/09/2012 16:02

Well done Vodka, that was a make or break moment! It could be the first step to you breaking away from this infatuation.

maleview70 · 22/09/2012 09:09

Or now that you know for sure he likes you it could go the other way....

MaryQueenOfSpots · 22/09/2012 10:41

Hmmm... So your crush came on to a married woman with children. Suddenly he's not such a nice guy is he?
Stay strong Vodka

susiedaisy · 22/09/2012 10:53

mary I agree

Proudnscary · 22/09/2012 11:02

It's a coincidence that this development happened after two and a half years of nothing - when you've just posted about this problem.

So why after all this time has he asked you to go for a drink?

With this thread/issue on your mind, was it really you who initiated a flirty conversation?

I wonder what your body language was saying when you told him you were happily married?

I hope you are being honest with yourself and us about what took place and how you are going to avoid similar situations going forward.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 22/09/2012 12:29

I fell in love with someone else, never acted on it, but got into a preoccupying friendship. I wasn't honest about it and dh knew something was up. I eventually confessed but not until after the event. I genuinely did this because I thought 'honesty is the best policy' and that it would clear the air.

We are now separating and I think telling him was instrumental in getting us to this point.

Hopefully now OM knows you are not available the 'spark' will die. If it doesn't and he pursues you despite your married status, because you've told him you find him attractive, he's a c*.

VodkaAndCokeplease · 24/09/2012 11:19

Proudnscary

I don't think I initiated a flirty conversation with him but I do think that my body language has been sending out signals over the last few months which is probably why he asked me out for a drink. The idea of this does not only make me feel bad towards my DH, who really does not deserve this but also towards my crush. It is not very nice to send signals to someone if you know very well that things can never be. I have definately not done this on purpose.

I fully accept that I'm the only guilty party in all this, not my DH and not my Crush either.

As I said before, I try not to have conversations with him on my own and have at least one other person there, however, I don't think it is a good idea to avoid him altogether. People at work would notice. People talk and I don't want someone to add 1+1 and make 3.

I can not see the point in asking for advice here if I'm not honest about what really happened. Hope this explains.

OP posts:
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