I have taken my wedding ring off.

[Ormiriathomimus]

Not about making him feel bad, not about revenge, just about simple facts. We promised to be faithful to each other when we got wed. When he told another woman he loved her he broke the promise. Our marriage ended. It's quite a releif TBH because i was having trouble reconciling the two facts:

1. He loves me, he wants to be with me, he is making huge efforts to make me feel loved, he is remorseful.
2. He loved her at the time and still does.

I am not going to make a song and dance about it - if anyone notices I will just say I lost it. If DH asks I will explain.

When he can honestly tell me that he can go a week or so without thinking of her, when he can see her at work and feel nothing but a faint wash of shame for what they did, when he doesn't care about her any more than any other colleague, then we will start a new marriage. Won't be married to a man who loves someone else.

AF - he says that - that he can't imagine life without me.

But my own mood is so low now that nothing anyone says seems to get through. I need to go back to my GP to get my meds adjusted I think. I am slowly going crazy.

Yes, see your gp but don.t blame yourself

This is his doing

Just checking in and sending more support orm. Completely agree with AF advice wise. X

Orm, I have followed your previous thread, glad i found you again.

I am so sorry you are still in this situation, i cant imagine how horrible it must be.

This may seem really insensitive so feel free to ignore me.

What meds are you on? are you taking antidepressants? If you are I am not sure adjusting them will help you.

It is completely natural to feel the way you do when someone behaves as badly as your husband. Antidepressants are brilliant for helping some people get through horrific, life changing events. you are grieving for the marriage you had and the life you thought you were living.

I cant help thinking that you are at a stale mate, you cannot grieve, you cannot move on as you are living the same life but this time with no trust, no love and no real hopes for the future. Meds wont change that, you are not going crazy, you are being driven crazy. I dont think changing your meds will help you, I think the only thing that will help you to heal and get back to who you are is changing your situation.

What AF said is spot on, I worry that if you don't separate from this man you will lose your self to his mistakes. You are not crazy, you dont owe him anything but you owe it to yourself to get out of this situation.

(( Hugs ))
It sucks doesn't it. (discovered DP had OW not so long ago)
Hope you ok

I have booked a session with a counsellor. Need to clear my head because right now I am not in a fit state to decide anything or see anything clearly.

Orm, I have been thinking about you recently and wondering how you are. Sorry to hear things are not good but either way this will be part of the process. I will read in detail later but am thinking about you x

Orm, I have been thinking about you recently and wondering how you are. Sorry to hear things are not good but either way this will be part of the process. I will read in detail later but am thinking about you x

Orm, I've just read this thread. Just wanted to say you sound so very lovely. Wish you all the best and hope that life gets better soon. My parents recently went though this and my mum left, she lives a very happy fufilled life on her own now but I know that's not the course for everyone.

Is it possible for you to take a few weeks out - maybe visit a relative or just take off somewhere for a week or so? Sometimes it's better to step out of the familar just to get the bigger picture. It's hard to think clearly sometimes when your 'in it'. I agree with Lunar about the anti d's for what it's worth but I guess talking to the doctor is good if you feel like you need to do something - what about counselling? just to talk things through with someone who is not a friend or relative. Wishing you all the best x

Right! Now I am angry. I texted Dh to tell him about my counselling session. He texted back 'OK, love'. How fucking dare he? No comment? No concern? Twat! He dumped this on me, all this pain, fear and confusion, laid my self-esteem lower than the fucking floor, gave what was mine to another woman. And now he is so passive!That is the word I've been looking for 'passive'. Gave it to him with both barrels. Grrrrrr! my body aches all over, I haven't slept for months, I keep crying, I feel like I've gone 10 rounds with a prize fighter. He should be dragging me out of the pit he chucked me in - breaking his back to do it.

Orm - I am so, so, sorry. I do remember the awful pain of it all.

Good luck with the counselling, I hope it gives you some support and clarity.

I am very concerned that he said he 'loved her' - and I don't think it's for any of us to interpret what that means. He's an adult, he can speak for himself. I am also very concerned that he's still working with her. I don't think you can continue in this situation without breaking. It's unbearable.

Sorry, I don't have advice to make it better (I wish I did), but I hope you know that you deserve so much more than this.

Orm :(

I think the basic problem is that he is still very sure of you. And until something rocks that, and he isn't, he is always going to have this passive, complacent attitude.

I really hope that the counselling is helpful to you in clarifying your thoughts.

Oh orm it seems to me that he still doesn't really grasp what he has done or it's repercussions. That texts speaks to me of a man who isn't afraid of losing you, I don't know why else he wouldn't be terrified and fighting very hard to help you in anyway he can. I am glad your angry. I think anger is every healthy and necessary. Hell I'm furious on your behalf.
I hope the counselling helps you and helps you decide how you want to move forward and what is best for you.

I think he's passive because he has what he wants. His wife and his girlfriend. If he wanted to change things he would. Orm being in the pit suits him because she's not calling him on his behaviour while she's trying to save herself and their marriage. When people are passive when they should be passionate that is normally never wrong. I have my opinion but really the "why" doesn't matter as much as the "what" so it doesn't matter whether I'm correct about the reasons for him being so passive.

Orm , this is why (IMO) the advice is almost invariably to separate, at least for a while, after the discovery of infidelity

it isn't punitive, it is essential for

1. the cheater to really understand what he/she has risked, for so little

2. the cheated-upon to be able to sort out their thoughts and feelings without the harbinger of their despair carrying on as normal right in front of their very eyes, thus rubbing salt in the wounds

Yes, I realise that. I realised that at the time TBH but I needed him close to me. He had always been my best friend.

This is the dilemma

Your "best friend" fucked you over. He would still be fucking you over if he could.

He cannot heal you....he is the creator of your distress

This is the dilemma

Your "best friend" fucked you over. He would still be fucking you over if he could.

He cannot heal you....he is the creator of your distress

oops, sorry

Agree with AF (again!) I don't think he can help you here, he has caused this, the best friend you always relied on has gone its a new reality to adjust to. You don't need someone who would do this to you, you need the space to decide if you still want him though.

He had always been your best friend, Orm, and when a best friend does the dirty on you and the resulting confrontation does not fully clear the air, your instinct should be to stay well away from them until you've had opportunity to process the magnitude of their betrayal and are able to converse with them again with some degree of equanimity.

Save only that, in the face of seemingly overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you chose to believe that he had not engaged in sexual intercourse with the ow, your reactions so far have been entirely predictable.

A euphoric period of wild sex hysterical bonding with you evincing a desire to renew your marriage vows as a way of regaining your social standing/rubbing the ow's nose in it/reassuring yourself that you are the only one for him, followed by the brief plateau of apparent return to normality, and the plunge into the depths as you begin to fully understand that what he's done can never be undone and that it's hurt you beyond belef.

Putting on the nauseating Pollyanna hat that I've been wearing on another thread, perhaps your text to him about your counselling session today was ill-timed and he was unable to give it the attention it deserved.

Could it be that he was waiting until school was out to either respond more fully by text or discuss it with you when he got home?