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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

crush on soneone at work- is it normal?

27 replies

waitingtobeamummy · 14/09/2012 19:38

Ok, I was going to name change but if I did I would chicken out.
I love my husband so much, we have been through a really shit yr (infertility, fall outs with family, emergency op) .
This year I started a new job where I work with a lot of men. I've lost a lot of weight and feel confident in myself for the first time in my life.
I'be worked closely with a man for the past few months and I have developed a crush on him. We are both very flirty with each other and now I am coming up with excuses to go and see him/email him etc. I spend time daydreamibg about him.
I love dh and we have a fab time together/great sex life but it is always very safe. He is the only man I have ever been with and I am disgusted in myself for having this crush. It would destroy him to ever here this and I need to stop it hut I can't stop thinking about the other man.
I am a dreadful person :(

OP posts:
Original poster
waitingtobeamummy · 14/09/2012 19:58

Sorry for the typos. I've had to drink to be brave enough to post this.

OP posts:
Methe · 14/09/2012 20:02

it's normal. We all have crushes, it's human nature. You are not a dreadful person. don't be hard on yourself!

preggofabulous · 14/09/2012 20:07

I think crushes are fine as long as they don't overstep the mark. everyone needs someone to daydream about, whether its johnny depp or the bloke next door. I guess its how we manage to control the natural impulse of finding more than one person attractive, without actually jeopardising a good relationship.

and its all in the wording: you have a crush on him, you're not in love with him! x

out2lunch · 14/09/2012 20:07

its what makes going to work interesting

Methe · 14/09/2012 20:10

^^ what she said!

preggofabulous · 14/09/2012 20:11

actually i have a crush on a bloke at work too....while i'm pregnant. It feels a little unseemly, but then again, im not throwing myself at him in a weird inappropriate pregnant way, just sneak out for breaks when i know he's out there too, lol. Agree with out2lunch, its what makes work fun :-)

SloeFarSloeGood · 14/09/2012 20:12

Tread carefully though ;-)

Original poster
waitingtobeamummy · 14/09/2012 20:16

Really? God I've got myself so stressed about this? I thought I was going to get flamed. I scare myself about it as I worry I will step the line. I know that's my decision but I feel ill overstep it if the chance comes.... But I don't think it ever will as he is married, he has children, he doesn't view me Luke that..... If it was johnny depp I wouldn't even be thinking this would I?

OP posts:
scrivette · 14/09/2012 20:17

I have a crush on someone at work, I met him yesterday and went ridiculously giggly and silly, I was a bit embarrassed about it as I knew everyone else noticed!! Blush

It's harmless though, as long as you realise it's just a crush and don't act on it.

ceebeegeebies · 14/09/2012 20:23

I have had a crush on someone at work for 10 years now Blush Over the years, we have had varying degrees of contact but have worked closely together for the last 4 or 5 years (as in he is an operational manager and I am his key person in one of the support services).

I think there has always been an unspoken attraction and agreement that nothing would ever happen and we have probably now moved into a more relaxed relationship with each other as the sexual tension that was present between us has more or less disappeared. However, I do still find him attractive and possibly make more of an effort with my clothes when I know I am meeting him and occasionally daydream about him...I don't think it does any harm (although I am sure DH would disagree)!

Pourquoimoi · 14/09/2012 20:24

It's normal but a bit worrying that you think you may well overstep the mark if the chance came. Think very very carefully and if that's a real danger try and distance yourself.

Methe · 14/09/2012 20:24

Really. We all do it! I have spent the last 8 years working in a nursing environment with no male eye candy AT ALL.. recently changed jobs to an office environment and am througherly enjoying all the MEN IN SUITS! The Banter! the Flirting! Grin

I love my husband to absolute bits but don't feel bad about admiring the totty at work. It's just what it is to be human.. As long as you don't actually go there!

wizzler · 14/09/2012 20:26

Its natural.. you work really closely with someone and from time to time you think.... mmmm... but as long as you only think it, thats ok

Original poster
waitingtobeamummy · 14/09/2012 20:35

Thank you all so much. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm going to enjoy it rather than stress over it, but just realise it is a crush and nothing else. It doesn't help, working in a high school that It's all so intense, situations having to deal with etc (and the men were suits and look so yummy)

OP posts:
IfHappyLittleBluebirdsFly · 14/09/2012 22:56

Question: How the fuck do you stop yourself thinking about them though? It's constant with me, I just can't wait to get back to work...

dequoisagitil · 14/09/2012 23:02

Nothing wrong with a crush. It's nice to appreciate other people

De-fang it, 'tho, by noting his faults and reminding yourself of them, and avoid flirtation. It is too easy to fuck things up with your dh. If he couldn't see your interactions with this guy without being upset, you're over-stepping.

dequoisagitil · 14/09/2012 23:04

How do you stop thinking about him? Tell your dh about your silly crush, stop flirting, acknowledge the attraction but don't act on it.

savemefromrickets · 14/09/2012 23:05

Don't go there. Been there, done that, fucked up.

Sorry to rain on your parade!

IfHappyLittleBluebirdsFly · 14/09/2012 23:05

By that reckoning, I'm doing the long-jump...

SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 14/09/2012 23:06

I have a terrible teenage crush on a dad I see at the park.

He is gorgeous. I can't seem to speak to him without stuttering! I blush when he speaks to me and try to avoid eye contact as I end up staring.

I.don't know what it is about him that causes me to act like a 14 year old! I won't try anything with him as no doubt he wil turn out to be a complete arse Grin

IfHappyLittleBluebirdsFly · 14/09/2012 23:17

Deq If I told OH he'd be 'crushed'. Not going to go there, but it's very difficult when you're all consumed with lust, but backed up with a LOT in common.

GranToAirMissiles · 14/09/2012 23:25

Have had these crushes, but noticed that they go away again fairly quickly (matter of weeks).

Asamumnonsense · 14/09/2012 23:53

I think it is very normal. I have been married for 6 years, love my husband but I work with a lot of men too and I seem to have crushes all the time. I move on from one crush to another. The difference is that they don't know and there is no flirting involved.. A couple of my colleagues know this and we keep laughing about it.. I do not understand why I have these crushes but they're nothing. When I go home, i don't think about them and some have become great friends.

Original poster
waitingtobeamummy · 15/09/2012 11:21

Thanks all, I feel more "normal" now I know other people the same :) I'm naturally a very flirty person and dh has no issues at all with it so I have no worries about that.....the thoughts in my head however are another matter entirely! Just need to ground myself by thinking that the persona I've created for him in my head are completly different to how he actually is. Can't remember who said it, but I plan what to wear when I'm working with him too :)

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/09/2012 12:14

Poor OP... it's hard, isn't it? I think perhaps it is the body's way of finding 'suitable partners' for babies and you mentioned fertility issues.

It is perfectly normal, crushes are a fact of life, but what you do hereon in is what counts. It sounds like you have a good grip on things; enjoy the flutters and take it no further.

Hope you have good news on the pregnancy front soon. :)