Advice on the kiss-off email please

[Beograde]

Hello, I'd like a tiny bit of advice on the kiss-off email to an ex. I'm not sure whether to go down the magnanimity or honest route.

The short story is I met someone, fell head over heels in love (and he was saying the same about me). However, after a while, the ex appeared on the scene, and he has moved back in with the ex.

He has just emailed me to tell me this. I'm obviously upset, and I want to tell him he's treated me without integrity, was very flaky to have changed his mind so quickly, but the other alternative is "all the best, I hope it works out".

What would you advise?

I don't think you'll gain anything by ignoring it - be polite and acknowledge his email with a reply along the lines of SGBs suggestion.

Thanks for all the advise, I'm going to reflect on it later in the day and think about sending an email at the weekend

I'm in favour of the 'be polite and add that it wasnt working for you either approach'

Perhaps add that you're relieved that he's ended things and you hope that with his care and attention his girlfriend will be able to overcome her mental health problems.

I like SGB's response, as is. Not responding at all may have him imagining you sobbing on your bed and too upset to even type, and I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking you cared that much (even if you do really).

He never was single OP, you realise.

The best, but the very ahrdest reply to do, is no reply

Good luck OP. You sound well shot. Sorry you're so upset :(

BitOutOfPractice,

It took me a while to realise it, but I do know he was never single - why do they do behave so badly? What a twunt!

What SGB said. Be visibly not bothered (even if you actually are bothered).

Don't reply for a few days, then saend this
'sorry! your email ended up in junk mail so only just found it - how apt! Thanks for letting me know.'

I like hattifattner's response best. What a total shit he is to do this by email, you're well rid of him.

Oh op they are not all twunts. But this one is.

Try not to reply. That will drive him far madder than any cutting remark you can think of. It'll drive him mad wondering if you got it, what you're thinking etc etc

I know it's hard right now but stay strong and good luck with finding a non-twunt

I would 100% go with no reply.

He doesn't deserve one.

It will frustrate/worry/annoy/confuse/upset him - he might think you haven't received it, or that you are going to turn up unnounced...!

In my opinion, any reply will be be interpreted as you being spiteful or bitter or jealous. Nothing you can say will make him see that he's acting like a duplicitous twat, so what's the point?

Sorry you're going through this.

I think you have to bear in mind that he probably was never single and that his partner may have found out he was cheating. She may have asked him to cut ties with you by email so she can see that he's done it - and perhaps your response too.

In those circumstances, I wouldn't want to give him any let-off by saying that it wasn't working for you either. I'd be more inclined to go with something cold and aloof (but dignified) like;

"I've received your email.Whilst I'm not particularly surprised by the content, as I've suspected for some time that you have not been honest with me regarding your relationship and "single"status when we met, it is always disappointing to realise that your fellow human beings are capable of being weak, untrustworthy liars."

Sorry you're going through this Beo. On the plus side, you won't be saddled with a two-timing arshole in the days to come. You're well shot of him.

Good luck.

No reply is the best response. I wouldn't bother engaging at all - he clearly couldn't care less about your feelings so I wouldn't give him even the 9 seconds it takes to tap out an email.

Idiots like him will get some sort of titillation from imagining women are heart broken or even thinking about them.

Ah, The Script. ('My ex is crazy ....')

I like sgb's reply; and I like the complete silence option.

Most of all, I like the idea that you are not going to be with this unpleasant man any more.

OP - Can you round up your friends for a good night out/DVD night + takeaway/country walk... whatever you and your friends like to do for fun?

No reply.

I like SGB's response, however since he was cheating on the "ex" I would be sorely tempted to send a response making clear the extent to which he betrayed his "ex"

I agree with those saying ignore. Any response will be read by him (and the ex) as you being jealous, bitter or desperate.

He already knows he's treated you terribly so telling him wont be new news?

Why give him any satisfaction in knowing that you give a shiny shit?

Sorry this has happened though.

I think you shouldn't reply just because : a) he's a dick and deserves to be worried/not get attention; b) things which sound cool and cutting when you say them can come across as child like and desperate when written; and, c) I'm 99.99999% sure his partner does not have mh problems (its what all cheating losers say about their partner) but in case she does it wouldn't be kind to her to see any email and misinterpret it and think hes still with you.

firstly,well done for not firing off a tirade of abuse straight away, i would also say nothing, he's so frigging insignificant, he's not even worth a reply :) then yes, get your girls together and shop, drink, laugh, pull. whatever makes you feel good again.

Honestly don't reply to him.
Write different replies but send them to yourself rather than him.
Then go out with your friends/family and do something fun even if you are hurting inside

Dear Twunt,

It's probably for the best. I think DH (or BF) was getting a bit suspicious.

It was fun for a while.

All the best,

Beo xx

Either complete radio silence or dignified response of very little words are the best options, anything else you will regret in the future

I don't think you should reply at all.

Don't reply. Ever.

Let the bastard sweat.