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Original poster

mother in law - anyone else had this

31 replies

bubbles11 · 13/09/2012 16:58

I think this is quite common and happens to quite a few people tho I am not sure
Has anyone had their mother in law say to them within days of their return from hospital with their newborn baby (in my case it was my second and last baby, I am not having any more and had agreed this with my husband privately although our two children are very close in age (18 months apart) - kind of planned kind of surprised it happened so quickly but happy about it)

And I am talking when the baby was 2 or 3 days old and it is your second child
Mother in law phones up for the first time after the baby has been born and the second or so thing she says during the phone conversation is "you aren't having any more are you"?

It is quite common for the older generation to be concerned that you are not going to have a big family and to check isnt it? Or is it? Genuinely wondering

OP posts:

Diana2000 · 13/09/2012 17:46

This hasn't happened to me personally but I know my PIL weren't happy when BIL and his wife said they were expecting DC3. They told DH, in my hearing, that they were worried about the pressure on their son and that they thought it was "her" doing. Don't know how direct they were with BIL and his wife but once when we were all round there after the baby was born, MIL said in response to something "no, we don't want any more children!" (meaning GC).

Oh and my mum's said that my dad's parents expressed their concern at DF having another mouth to feed when they were expecting my youngest sister.

Dryjuice25 · 13/09/2012 18:07

"Another birthday and xmas present to worry about, don't bloody have anymore ", she said as she held my newborn dd2.

Ha ha I have 3 now .....and dont really care for presents. Leave me aloooooone woman!!!!

HairyPoppins · 13/09/2012 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phlebas · 13/09/2012 19:26

my MIL said (in an utterly appalled tone) "I knew you wouldn't be satisfied with two" when I was pg with #3. She didn't comment on #4.

Sabriel · 13/09/2012 22:05

My parents said on the arrival of DS1 "you won't need to have any more now you've got one of each".

MIL said something similar.

DC3, 4 and 5 were welcomed with open arms

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/09/2012 22:33

My FIL told my DH we shouldn't have any more. As you can imagine, I love FIL more each day

5madthings · 13/09/2012 22:46

my mum said this after i had no 2, tbh she didnt want me to have no1 (was at uni) we have 5 now! and my mum was not thrilled with preg no3,4 and5 but she loves them all to bits now!

my mil thought we were a bit mad but again is thrilled with them all.

so ime it is fairly common yes.

PoppyWearer · 13/09/2012 22:51

My own mum is concerned for my health (I have various things going on since DC2 was born) and would not like me to have any more. Fortunately DH and I agree with her!

MIL seems sad that we don't want more. DH is one of three, I suppose she thinks three is the perfect number, but we are stopping at two.

(FWIW, MIL is one of those people who goes nuts over newborn babies and could sit holding a newborn baby for hours - personally I prefer them once they're a bit more interactive!)

StateofConfusion · 13/09/2012 22:59

Mils response to us expecting dc2 was that bad I got a written appology, ill never forget it.

runningforme · 13/09/2012 23:03

my grandmother-in-law thinks we should have more! After 2 DC she was always dropping hints. And even after dc number 3 she would still be thrilled with more. We, however, are DONE!

CommanderShepard · 13/09/2012 23:13

Mine keeps going on about how being an only child isn't the worst thing in the world and how my husband was almost an only one. She is one of 3 and has 2 children so I'm not sure how she feels qualified to tell me that.

My mum is an only child, however, and hates that she is. I say this loudly whenever MIL mentions the only child thing. It certainly isn't the worst thing but the one closest to me says it's pretty shit.

user12785 · 13/09/2012 23:13

When we told MIL about first pregnancy she was over the moon. Told her about the second one, (2 years later) she just said "Was it planned?"...

thetrackisback · 13/09/2012 23:25

Gmil said this........just had a little boy and twins and We're dead on our feet so I think she is worried about us.

Ozziegirly · 14/09/2012 05:58

My MIL asked my DH whether our first was planned - we'd been happily married for 6 years, both in stable jobs and had just bought a family house and a big family car......

ModreB · 14/09/2012 07:39

My MIL stopped speaking to me for 6 months when I was pg with DS3. A bit hypocritical as DH is the eldest of 5

Longdistance · 14/09/2012 08:08

My mil stayed for about s week when dd2 was born, to help out with dd1 mainly and have cuddles with newby
She did have her uses, cleaning, washing and taking the oldest out.
She did have her moments, and she knewshe was being s pain, so went to stay at fil (her ex h) house.
Mind you she was more useful than my own mother

Ra88 · 14/09/2012 08:58

Yes ! Annoys the hell out of me ! " you'd be stupid to have more than 1"
When SIL had dd2 she wanted her to terminate (various reasons but still nothing to do with her !) and when born told us " don't you get any ideas " my response .. We will be having more ! Her response " I'v already told (dp) not to" .. Like he's gonna listen to her !! Grr

trumpton · 14/09/2012 08:58

On DS1 telling my MIL that " mummy's tired cos she is growing a baby "

" oh my God !! You have completely ruined my birthday ! I will never feel the same about my birrthday again "

DD2 is now 27 years old , MIL is 89 and we don't let either of them forget it .
DH was an only child due to secondary infertility she would have loved more than one child but obviously not as many as 3 !!

Original poster

bubbles11 · 14/09/2012 10:30

thanks for all the replies
sounds like it is very common
is it acceptable to cut communication with MIL if she does this (plus other things making it expressly clear she hates you and she comes every single year for christmas day - dreading it already) - but that is another story..
anyway thanks for your responses... glad to know i am not alone not that that is any comfort to anyone!

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WineOhWhy · 14/09/2012 10:39

I have 2, no plans to have more although have not necessarily publicised that. I am 1 of 4 and my mum often says she wishes she stopped after 2. I am number 2, and I think/hope she would not actually say that to my younger siblings but still think it is a bit sad for them that she thinks it.

Original poster

bubbles11 · 14/09/2012 10:45

WineOhWhy
That is almost exactly my own situation! - I personally was first of 4 - my own parents did a good job in hindsight but large bits of my childhood were a nightmare and v stressful for both my parents and us 4 children
i am very happy with 2 children and never intended to have more than 2
it was just a memory which really sticks in my mind, more now than at the time - that MIL main concern the moment baby 2 was born was that i wasnt having any more
Oh well, i guess she was concerned I was ruining her sons life even more than she already thought i was, so fair enough

OP posts:

beanandspud · 14/09/2012 10:46

We had the opposite. MIL came to visit when DS was about 6 weeks old and mentioned something about a brother or sister for DS. When I said 'oh no, that's it for us' she was quite rude and said 'you can't do that to him'

Quite frankly it is none of her blooming business how many children we choose to have and although we have a good relationship I've never quite forgiven her for that comment.

Original poster

bubbles11 · 14/09/2012 10:58

just curious
why do you think parents and/or inlaws say these kind of things?

If they are against you having more children is it because they didnt enjoy parenting themselves or they think it is expensive (for them??? what if they dont really pay for anything) or basically they just dislike their soninlaw or daugherinlaw? I ask assuming that the parent/parent inlaw making these comments has no real day to day involvement with the grandchildren living a long way away and when they visit they behave like "guests" (i.e. not in any way getting involved with the children or looking after them just "visiting" and giving the odd gift)

If they are for you having more children is it because they themselves did or identify their own lives as so totally bound up with having their own children that they cannot imagine their offspring/inlaw-children wanting anything different? If they want you to have more do they offer to help more or do they just voice their opinion

I am genuinely curious - maybe I should stop over thinking this stuff

OP posts:

Badgerina · 14/09/2012 11:12

I really think PILs who think these kind of comments are acceptable really ought to fuck off.

Arithmeticulous · 14/09/2012 11:37

MIL (mother of 6) phoned me at work to demand to know if DC3 was planned. Yes, because that's a conversation I wanted to have in an open plan office

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