"We'll talk tonight"

[PurplePlant]

DP and I don't have the best relationship, usually it trundles along, and I start thinking it's not too bad. Then something will happen and I berate myself for starting to think it can be ok.

DP and I have agreed to "talk" tonight. This usually involves him listing all my faults, me zoning out, him getting frustrated, repeating all that has already been said, me withdrawing even further, him getting cross, me finally snapping and walking out of the room.
(If I defend myself or answer back this adds fuel to his fire, and we end up shouting at each other.)
He will then follow me to the next room and continue criticising me, usually interspersed by "Can't you see it?" "I don't think I'm being unreasonable" "So you think that's ok do you?" etc etc
It's always the same pattern until I say something like yes dear, you are of course right. I am totally and go to bed.

Apparently I am the sole cause of his anger due to my "nagging" him to help with housework and "expecting him to jump when I issue an demand"

How can I keep the discussion short? Unless I whole-heartedly agree with the charges laid out before me, then he remonstrates for hours.
I'm so sick of it, it's always me in the wrong. He repeats over and over his points as though I'm that stupid that I don't understand. I don't know why he does this. I like him to just air his grievance once, allow me to respond then try to find a solution.

I have said in the past that I think he likes confrontation, but he strongly denies that.

Any suggestions please?

I will not be able to check back in that often, so please don't think I'm being rude by not responding.

Are you "allowed" to go for a long walk by yourself,see a friend or relative by yourself?

Yes, I can go for a walk. good suggestion.
I don't tell any of my friends how I feel. No family nearby.

Forget being allowed! Go out, get a coffee, have a walk, chat to someone, go round to a friend's.

Think of some of the ways he's less than perfect. It can be a bit empowering to remind yourself of the ways in which your criticiser is less than perfect themselves.

How would he respond to
"yes, darling, but you leave your dirty pants on the floor";
"did you mean to sound so rude?" is quite good and may shock him into silence;
"Oh, could you show me how to do it, as I find it really hard?", and then simply fail to get it for a while.

I don't want to sound harsh but he sounds like a complete waste of oxygen,

as far as refusing to do drop offs and pick ups , not much of a parent is he?

if he wants to do fault picking , ask him why he can't be arsed with the basics of being a parent? This is another example of you being a poor father.
etc.

I hope the walk helped, it will do you good. I suspect you can't properly unwind at home now you have started to assert yourself more. Your dp likes the sound of his own voice and you're experiencing moan fatigue.

Can't believe I am suggesting this as I am not a gym or fitness fan by a long chalk but I've noticed that when someone wants peace and time to themselves, somehow going to the gym or swimming is more acceptable to others than just shutting oneself away for a soak in the bath or curling up with a book and a drink. Whether you get a job or not you deserve time beyond childcare and housework and coping with his lordship to think things through. They're his children too so it's not "babysitting".