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Relationships

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Original poster

friends - i dont have a bestie :(

29 replies

Ladyemem · 08/09/2012 22:52

I can honestly say i have never had a best friend. I have lots of friends through work and school mums. Would love to have a bestie.
Is there anyone else like me?

OP posts:

Doha · 08/09/2012 22:56

Me--many friends but no one special.
Doesn't bother me at all.

BehindLockNumberNine · 08/09/2012 22:58

I had a best friend at primary / secondary school.
But no one since the age of approx 14 (when my best friend's family moved to Hong Kong)

I sometimes think I would like a best friend but have yet to meet someone who I click with enough for the friendship to develop into best friends...

4goingon14 · 08/09/2012 23:00

I have not had a best friend since I moved to the UK...I really miss having one

Shakey1500 · 08/09/2012 23:01

I wouldn't say I have a (sorry, I can't use "bestie" ) "best" friend either. I do have what i would consider to be close friends. All different and we are close in different ways. I have a close friend I go to the theatre with. Another I get rip roaringly drunk with. Another I would choose to ask about an outfit as I am clueless. But I would never entitle any of them closer than another, just different.

As long as you have friends then why is it an issue that one of them isn;t a "best" friend?

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 08/09/2012 23:09

I've got some really lovely friends but I don't have a best friend. The last time I did we had a horrible falling out and it was very traumatic.

Then she moved away. We've recently got back in contact and there is no bad feeling, but it's kind of put me off having a best friend. I'm not sure it's that healthy.

It's OK at school but I can't help feeling as adults we become much more complex and it's fine to have a bunch of friends who fulfill different needs we have and who we probably do the same for.

I think it's important to have friends who you feel you can trust, rely on and who are 'on your side' though. I'm lucky enough to have several of these and I really value them.

AnitaManeater · 09/09/2012 00:10

My best friend committed suicide 6 years ago. I'm lucky to have a group of close friends but nothing like the crazy friendship I had with my best bud. I still can't get my head round it all.

maristella · 09/09/2012 00:22

I never did (apart from one, I'll get back to that) but I have always had really close friends in different groups. Now I have several best friends, who really don't know each other all that well.

The only person I considered a best friend violently attacked me out of the blue last year

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/09/2012 00:30

In view of the replies so far, what exactly do you mean by a 'Best Friend'?

trixymalixy · 09/09/2012 00:34

I had a best friend at school and at University. They're still friends, but we have drifted. I have a good group of friends, but i miss having a best friend

howdoo · 09/09/2012 00:50

I have a wonderful best friend and we have always had each other's back whatever happened, but I think she made the friendship all those years ago as she had a better concept of love and loyalty than I did.

Having moved abroad four years ago, she is still my best friend, but I am getting better at letting other people in IYSWIM, and finding good and interesting things in lots of people who are not exactly like me. It has been an eye opener to me, in that before I would have thought eg because someone was not my age or didn't have children, therefore I wouldn't have that much in common, but I have realised that I was completely wrong. I now have some lovely friends here in certain bits of my life - one I go running with, one I get pissed with (she happens to be British!) etc., and they are LOVELY people.

I'm not very outgoing and frequently beat myself up about my lack of best friend in my new country, but I have realised you can have a number of meaningful friendships without an actual "best" friend. They all count.

Believe me, as an expat, I have thought about friendship a lot!

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 09/09/2012 01:10

I have lots of friends in different ways; mum friends, old work colleagues, neighbours, old school friends, etc, but not a 'best' friend. To be honest I would say its because I confide everything in my dh and he therefore fulfills that need.

He's not too hot at the girly stuff but he's always there for me.

Tortington · 09/09/2012 01:11

i have a bestie
shes awesome

JustTheRightAmountOfWrong · 09/09/2012 08:38

I fell out with my best friend for six years. She got back in touch with me a year ago and much to my relief me have resumed our friendship.

The six years we didn't talk were awful; it was worse than splitting up with a boyfriend! I pined for our friendship so much and actually got depressed about it. I have other close friendships and a v close relationship with my sister, but for me there is nothing like having a best friend. My exDP was v supportive and tried his best to replace her but there was no substitute. Suffice to say I'm really happy that we are back to being best friends.

fairyfriend · 09/09/2012 12:06

Justtherightamountofwrong, I am really relieved to read your post about how hard you found splitting with your friend. I have recently fallen out with my longstanding best friend and it's been like a bereavement, no-one understands how devestated I am.

Sorry for hi-jack, OP.

Original poster

Ladyemem · 09/09/2012 19:43

well everyone seems to have friends they go on holiday with, friends they get together with in school holidays etc. If all my friends were to write down their top 10 friends i wouldnt be on anyones list. To me a best friend is someone you share special memories with, you share your ups and downs together and are there if you need to talk.

OP posts:

howdoo · 09/09/2012 19:50

Ladyemem, why do you think that is? Do you think you give off a self sufficient vibe, or are you sometimes vulnerable? Having a best friend does mean being vulnerable and letting someone in, I think.

delilahbelle · 09/09/2012 20:03

My two close friends both got pregnant at the same time, and are now each others best friend and less in touch with me :(

Understandable, but hurtful, particularly as I introduced them.

They met each others babies before I have seen one of them post birth too .

Luckily I have several other wonderful close friends, and I'm glad I do. Never put all your eggs in one basket IYKWIM

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 09/09/2012 20:07

Haha, are you a Big Bang Theory fan by any chance?

perplexedpirate · 09/09/2012 20:11

I have a bestie. 24 years +
We both have lots of other friends, and close families too, but we don't know what we'd do without each other, as we frequently tell each other when we are pissed.
I am very, very lucky.

WarmFuzzyFun · 09/09/2012 20:13

I had a best friend when I was younger, she broke my heart by deciding abruptly not to speak to me and not telling me the reason why. I tore myself into shreds trying to get her to talk to me, I wanted so much to put whatever the problem was right.

I grieved and was depressed for quite a years: I had known her for all of my life, our mums were friends during their pregnancies etc. I felt I had lost someone special in my life.

I did not have a best friend for 20 years, I had many friends, close friends but no bestie. I wouldn't trust someone to get that close to me.

However recently I have a best friend again. A friendship where we tell each other everything and accept each other and it is fantastic, I can say I love her and I am so glad to have a best friend again.

Rowanhart · 09/09/2012 20:16

Lots of very good friends whom I love. Never had a best friend. Made bridesmaid choosing difficult!

JustTheRightAmountOfWrong · 09/09/2012 20:28

Fairyfriend it's really, really hard isn't it, like you say it is like being bereaved.

Is there anyway you can make it up?

Time does heal some rifts, I couldn't see how we could ever be friends again after so much time, but somehow we have got back to where we were over the last year. There is hope!

Good luck x

Mama1980 · 09/09/2012 20:31

I have had a best friend for15+years couldn't imagine how I would cope without her. We row and don't always agree but at the end of the day if I need her at 3 am she's there always, usually bringing wine I know i am very very lucky

Trills · 09/09/2012 20:34

Most people don't.

You are not eight years old.

Don't put so much importance on having a "BFF".

Back2Two · 09/09/2012 20:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

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