When did you know that you were "ready" to start dating again?

[nkf]

I keep thinking I should try to find another relationship or at least go out with a man. And I never make any moves to do so. And maybe I'm not ready. But I feel that the longer I wait, the less ready I will become. If you are divorced/separated/widowed, did you always know that you would start again? Or did you just meet someone?

Anyone?

It took me over 4 years after my ex left me before l could even think about dating - friends urged me to try it much sooner than I did but in my experience l just knew when l felt ready. My friend was ready to date just months after her ex walked out - everyone is different, do what you feel is right for you.

Good luck!

Appreciate it's a bit rambling but I just need some help sorting out my head. Because if I'm not looking for a new relationship, then I need to think differently about my future.

How did you know though? Waht told you?

I think its when you stop thinking/pining for/missing and loving your ex, then its time to move on.

i just met DP. It wasnt planned and was the last thing on my mind, but we met totally by accident, met up again and it went from there.

It was 3 months after I finally dumped my abusive, alcoholic drug addicted partner.

there have been issues, working through some of my legacies. But DP has been totally supportive and I couldn't have wished any different.

2 years later we are very very happy. As are my kids & his kids. XH is still a fuckwit..

It's been two years since my second marriage ended and I am nowhere near ready to start thinking about dating. This is the longest I've ever been without a man in my life and I'm enjoying every second of it tbh. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready...

A long break, feeling happy by myself and then trial and error.

If you think you are ready try some very casual dating but be prepared to cut it off if you find you aren't.

Almostagoldhipster, I'm not sure that I'll ever be ready either. Do you feel that you are expected to want to?

Everybody says to me that every pot has a lid and that I'll meet someone lovely and get married again yada yada - this is unprompted and despite my assurances that I'm really not fussed and will never marry again, even if Mr Right begs me for 20 years!

It amuses me when my first husband's current wife tries to give me hope :)

Nobody seems able to accept that I'm happy on my own, it's most bizarre! I'm 47, have had two dreadful marriages and yet folk persist in feeling sad that I'm not throwing myself into the dating game with gay abandon :)

It is, however, their problem. I'm fine with it (and cba to put up with any shit again!)

It really annoys me when friends nag me to find a new man. I don't want a man, new or otherwise. Divorce almost through from twunt; was with him 23 years we split 16 months ago. I am having a great time doing what I want to do and it's great not walking on eggshells and having my happiness dependent upon a moody man-child. What annoys me is that my friends seem to think that there's something lacking in my life now; and they want me all paired up. Why is this? It's like when you enjoy a drink, but decide to not drink for a few weeks, any people keep looking at you with your soft drink, and try to encourage you to hit the bottle. I am a grown up, I know my own mind!

I think you'll just know OP; you'll meet someone, or you'll get to the stage when you feel that a man might add to your life, and may expand your social life to see if you find one.

Right now, I'm happy with my cats, knitting and the new series of Dallas!

xx

I jumped back inot dating after bing with someone for 15 years, 15+ dates later I am taking a break, they cannot all be faulty so I think I may have issues!

I might try again next year, I have 2 on the back-burner so to speak one thinks we are meeting next weekend I haven't he balls to tell himI've stopped dating, last time I tried to explain this he said h would "wait" he's gonna have a long wait. My ex was an abusive fucker though, so just now mahoosive counselling then next year will be my year! Possibly. I may stay single. Just because Adam and Eve supposedly got together i don't think everyone needs a man.

I think this is one thing that it doesn't do to over think.

Enjoy getting to know yourself better, loving your self and have fun on your own.
Enjoy dressing for yourself, taking care of your body just for you and exercising your mind just for you.

Whe the right man presents himself, you will know. Decide that you will meet someone one day, but that you are not going to search for him. Just remain open to the idea.

"Because if I'm not looking for a new relationship, then I need to think differently about my future."

For me, I needed to realise that I was in control of my future, regardless of whether there was another relationship in it or not. Plan for you. The best relationship is one that will fit in with your plans. If it doesn't fit in, it's not the best, and you shouldn't be settling for anything but the best. Until I believed that completely, I knew I wasn't ready.

bing = bang btw

Honestly - big - being not bloody bang

Argh I did it again bing = being.

I know that I have to plan for me. For me and my children. And for me as a solo woman. I just have this feeling - and maybe it doesn't matter - that every year that passes, a new relationship becomes less and less likely. I become less tolerant, more fond of my own habits, less able to compromise. And so on.

Maybe think back to how you saw yourself in older years back when you were un scarred. Were you with the love of your life and comfortable in companionship?
Life is long. Do you want to be alone through out it?

nfk - Ditto!

It really is up to how YOU feel, maybe you ahve been veryn hurt in the past with a relationship this takes time for some people and less for others,dont dwell on it enjoy your life now tha tis what counts sounds like you cope fine on your own and if you really feel the need for a man you know there are plenty out there ready willing and able to have you, take care and all the best in your life, try to let it all just happen.

Oh well! I do have my cats but no I don't want to be alone, maybe for the next 5/6 years, or maybe next year after lots of counselling. Right now I am unsure where a man would fit in to our life, we have a routine, it would take a man with the patience of a saint to put up with hyperactive child and an over-protactive other DS but who knows what's in store in the future I guess you.

I always imagined being with someone in old age. When I see old couples together, I get very misty eyed. But the thought of being with someone now makes me feel anxious. Do you think I could leave it till I'm seventy and look for a man then? Only semi serious. It's like a pension system. You have to put in the work now to have the comfortable life later.

Good thread question! I sometimes think if I wasn't pg that I might be ready but if I envision going on a date (I was a prolific dater pre marriage) I still think I would just go on about exp a lot and that I would find it hard not to. This tells me I'm not ready so I will leave it a while. Once dd2 is old enough to leave I will hide it a try though - since she will be bf it could be years!