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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Some support for a wonderful woman

48 replies

Papillon · 16/03/2006 07:24

Required here!!

Would be great to let her know we are here and thinking of her. That is really ok not to be strong sometimes and that feeling low just makes the bright vision of the future even more alluring.

For ((((((Glitterfairy)))))) Hang in there x X X

OP posts:

tigermoth · 16/03/2006 07:33

glitterfairy, I know you have had a very hard time, even though I don't know many details. You've always struck me as a very giving and warm hearted person. I do hope things look brighter for you very soon.

MeerkatsUnite · 16/03/2006 08:11

((((((((((((((((((glitterfairy))))))))))))))))))))))))

prettyfly1 · 16/03/2006 20:05

glitterfairy you know we are all going to be thinking of you and big hugs

Original poster

Papillon · 17/03/2006 08:56

good morning ((((glitterfairy))))

OP posts:

Hausfrau · 17/03/2006 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Freckle · 17/03/2006 09:06

She hasn't posted for a while. Has something specific happened recently? I know her ex is a prize-winning *rse.

Chin up, GF. You can get through this.

Miaou · 17/03/2006 09:10

I think about you lots glitterfairy - chin up girl and keep going - you're doing brilliantly in very hard cirumstances

beetroot · 17/03/2006 09:11

Paps, you are sweet. She is having such an awful awful time. I would never have beleived he coudl be this awful.

You know I love you babe. xxShe will post soon, jsut not capble at the moment.

anorak · 17/03/2006 09:21

Hi Glitterfairy, you're on the road to recovering being the real person you are, after years of having it bullied out of you. There is a wonderful future ahead where you will blossom.

lots of love xxxxx

puff · 17/03/2006 09:27

(((((((glitterfairy))))))))))

puff xx

Original poster

Papillon · 17/03/2006 09:46

hausfrau what a beautiful glitterfairy! and "she" knows it too.

I don´t know Freckle what has been happening but I know my friend hurts.

OP posts:

glitterfairy · 17/03/2006 10:30

I am quite incredibly touched. Have had an awful time and feel caught in a terrible trap. Cannot say too much but had a call from Cafcass Monday regarding brithday contact on Tuseday. It is an emoitional day for me as I had two kids that day adn the cafcass woman told me how happy x is with new woman and how she is the one for him and has put him on the straght and narrow etc etc. I really have gone to pieces a over it all and then had to read his statement on why I cannot be allowed to move!

It is not that I want him back but I dont want to hear all this and then be told I am as much to blame as him! It was all too much on that morning of all mornings. I have had a really terrible week and am holding it together by the skin of my teeth.

It must have been bad as I couldnt even post!

Original poster

Papillon · 17/03/2006 11:18

what he writes and says now does not belie his actions past and present. Stay strong in this as a positive!

OP posts:

glitterfairy · 17/03/2006 11:21

Yes Paps it is only when people believe him I fall apart!

I went to a budhist center yesterday adn am thinking of starting meditation classes with my eldest. I am reading lots of positive books and trying hard just every now and then I hit rock bottom and he seems to be taking over my life again and stopping me from moving on alone.

Freckle · 17/03/2006 11:40

Oh dear. Poor you. But remember he is a control freak. He tried to control you in the past and he is now trying to control both you and his new woman. Unless she's willing to be controlled, she'll suss him out in due course. He will only have the power to affect your life whilst these court proceedings are ongoing. Once you have the final order, you can do what you like, move where you like (unless abroad when you'd need his consent). It would be highly unusual for a court to make an order which profoundly affected your right to live your life as you please (e.g. prevent you from moving to a better area, for a better job, etc.), when the same restriction wouldn't be placed on him - mind you, you'd probably like him to move, preferably very far away.

And he can say and write anything he likes. The cafcas woman probably can't comment on it to you, but I suspect she has probably got a pretty good idea of what he is really like.

anorak · 17/03/2006 13:36

Hmm. Sounds like he's even controlling the CAFCASS woman. Surely it's not her job to sell him to you? She should remain impartial and base her advice on practicalities.

Glitter you have to stop being so nice to him. If you want to move, don't tell him. Wait till all the legal stuff is settled, then just do it. Don't give him time to react.

glitterfairy · 17/03/2006 21:05

He has reacted he has put a prohibited steps order on me. THis is part of the legal battle. He says I have gone on a campiagn of parental alientation and that I am malicious.

The kids say that the cafcas officer is trying to trap them and is on x's side. I have just had a really really bad week. To be fair I have probably influenced them and they have heard more than they should but really his relationship with them is his problem and it is up to him to sell himself to them. In the end I have no objection to him having contact and want the kids to have a relationship with him even if he doesnt ever give me maintenance or child support!

I didnt tell him I was moving he found out when he broke into the house and stole my legal papers and information on schools in the area.

Freckle · 17/03/2006 21:12

Did you not have a hearing about the prohibited steps order? Or is it just a temporary prohibition until the final hearing takes place?

flutterbee · 17/03/2006 21:21

Keep strong glitter, when it's all over you will be in the best position ever, you will have your kids, he will be gone and you will never have to have contact with him again unless its to do with the kids. You will be able to move and you will be able to start a fresh. This will all be worth it just hang on in there.

Freckle · 17/03/2006 21:24

Oh and, if you are asked about the moving issue by anyone, such as cafcass or the court, just say that you have no current intention to move. The stuff he found when he burgled your house was just stuff you had acquired when you were looking at all your options.

beetroot · 17/03/2006 21:31

yes good one freckle

glitterfairy · 17/03/2006 21:52

Cant do that Freckle although a good idea. He has taken out a prohibited steps order and the final hearing is in July. I have had to serve a statement on why I shoudl be allowed to move and he has served a reply already.

It is all extremely time consuming and awful. I had to provide school prospectuses etc. He is asking that I remain within the current area until the kids leave school that is his prohibited steps. I have said I wont move until the end of the summer term already.

Now cafcass are reporting on contact, joint residency adn the proposed move. He says the move is only to frustrate his contact.

The kids are being interviewed by two cafcass officers again on Monday for two hours.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 17/03/2006 22:05

hello Glitterfairy. Sorry it is difficult for you at the moment. At some stage you will find you have built a new life and moved on from this horrible time. I spent a very long year as a kid with just me and mum unable to move for various reasons. When we did (only a few miles) it was delicious. keep strong.

blueteddy · 17/03/2006 22:07

Sorry you are having such a tough time atm, glitterfairy.
Thinking of you.xx

glitterfairy · 18/03/2006 21:54

THanks guys I am really really better when I read these posts.In RL four of my friends came round and kept me company today which was lovely. It is hard though because many of them live in the same village as x and new woman and inevitably bump into him and tlak about him!

Anyway I am going to wash him out of my hair and life one day and he will cease to control me.

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