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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I hate my Dh

39 replies

pebblemum · 15/03/2006 23:02

I know my problem isnt as bad as many that post of here but my (not so)Dh has really pissed me off today.

No matter what I buy my Dh for his birthday/Christmas etc it is never right. If I buy him clothes they are either the wrong style of the wrong size (even though they aren't)Yet anyone else could buy him the exact same top and he would love it. The only time I get it right is if I buy him something to do with golf. The other year i bought him his first golf set £190 and he loved it but 6months later he gave it away and bought a new one. I cant seem to win so for his birthday in 4wks time I decided i would do something different. I have booked us into a posh golf and country club hotel for a romantic night away from our ds's. We need to spend some quality time alone and thought this would be the ideal place, there are plenty of facilities there so if we wanted to we could play golf, swim, pamper ourselves or if that didnt take our fancy we could lock ourselves away in our room and take advantage of room service. This night is costing me around £150 once i account for drinks, food etc and has taking me nearly 2wks to plan it. I have spent an extra £30 on sexy undies for the occassion and have purchased a bottle of his favourite wine to sneak into the room. On top of that I have bought him an MP3 player(from the boys) and a few other little things including golfing vouchers, this all amounts to another £40. All in all this birthday is costing me about £220 if not more but it would be worth it. I have everything planned down to the last detail, everything is booked/ordered etc. Dh knows i have planned something special but hasnt a clue what, he thinks we are probably going for a meal. This night means a lot to me.

Today my arse of a DH tells me that he wants me to cancel his birthday as he just wants to spend it in the pub with his mates. The best present i can give him is to let him do what he wants. I am so pissed off. Things have been a bit strange with us lately due to the fact we have no time together anymore and dh is always saying he feels neglected iykwim which is why i have planned this surprise. At first I thought he was joking but finally realised he was deadly serious. I have spent ages planning/saving for this and he has ruined it just like he does every birthday/christmas. I feel that no matter how hard i try i cannot please him.

We havent spoke since he told me this as i couldnt trust myself not to say something i would later regret. I did tell him he was an ungrateful 'barsteward' and that I would keep my plans but take someone else but he didnt seem too bothered. Why does he do this to me everytime. The funny thing is I didnt get him a valentines present as I was ill and he hasn't let me forget it yet when i do buy him something he moans about it. Aaaargh I hate him so much at the moment.

Sorry for moaning, feel a bit better now I've got it off my chest

OP posts:

moondog · 15/03/2006 23:03

What an arse he sounds.
No wonder you are pissed off..

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/03/2006 23:04

Take someone else but make sure he knows what he's missing.

Arse.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/03/2006 23:04

Look! Two of us think he's an arse

irishmum · 15/03/2006 23:11

no,three of us!
doesn't know wot he's missing

moondog · 15/03/2006 23:12

Any more for any more???

unicorn · 15/03/2006 23:14

what is his problem?
Sounds as though there may be more here?

irishmum · 15/03/2006 23:14

Sorrt!it's easy to knock someone else.I would never have the imagination or money! to do something as interesting for dp...

Original poster

pebblemum · 15/03/2006 23:18

Its times like this i wish I was still single. This is the first time i have tried to do something like this and he has deliberately ruined it.

I am seriously thinking of taking his sister, that would really piss him off. They dont get on and knowing that she is enjoying his birthday present should really annoy him. Would have to change the room to a twin one though not sure about sleeping with my SIL

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/03/2006 23:20

Well to be fair, he doesnt know what you've planned and how big the surprise is.

However, sod him, go with someone else

irishmum · 15/03/2006 23:21

Do it!You sound like you are trying so hard,enjoy urself,u can't let it go to waste!

Eve2005 · 15/03/2006 23:22

that might annoy him even more

also... WHAT * AN ARSE !!!

Original poster

pebblemum · 15/03/2006 23:30

I know he doesnt know the full details of his present but he knows how much time and effort i have put into arranging it and that it is something very special.

In my opinion he can go to the pub with his mates whenever (and he does all the time) this is the rare chance of a romantic night away and it wont cost him a penny! but if he isnt interested theres nowt i can do. I do know that this is the last time i do anything like this for him, from now on all he is getting from me is socks!!

OP posts:

irishmum · 15/03/2006 23:34

he should realise how much effort u've put in.realationships are all about togetherness,aren't they?ur too good!

Original poster

pebblemum · 16/03/2006 00:04

Thanks irishmum, if only dh saw it that way.

I was tempted to tell him what the surprise was but dont want to give him the chance to change his mind just because he thinks he is missing out.

He can be such a miserable git sometimes. I often wonder if i have actually got 3 sons instead of just two. I forgot to mention earlier that after spending the last month telling me he was going to buy me a new camcorder for my birthday (i dont need one, i have already got one!)he has now changed his mind and wont be getting me anything. Im not bothered as it was something he wanted not me but he seems to think i am going to be really upset. Think i deserve that night away just for putting up with him.

OP posts:

Eve2005 · 16/03/2006 00:13

do tell him. make him face up to what a selfish, ungrateful, childish ass he is.

tell him exactly how much time and money you put into it and then let him know that no way, no how is he coming and he can Foff if he thinks you'll ever waste your time on a gift for him again. spend the money on your kids each time instead so at least some-one benefits.

irishmum · 16/03/2006 00:14

I think ur're right!It doesn't seem fair that u are trying to please someone that takes u for granted.I'm not an expert on realationships by any means,but GOD u neded more....

riley3 · 16/03/2006 00:16

WHY ARE YOU STAYING WITH THIS WKR???? Unbelievable! You sound like an absolute sweetie and are worth so much more than this ungrateful sd. Show him this thread - I dare you - kill or cure! And in any event - go on this weekend with someone you really get on with - get pissed, slag him off etc and then it won't matter any more if you're in the same bed or not.

irishmum · 16/03/2006 00:18

"need more",sorry rum n coke makes me cross

quanglewangle · 16/03/2006 00:25

He sounds very manipulative.

cab · 16/03/2006 00:27

I'm pished, but would say he loves you to bits and is trying to prevent a situation where you might 'let him down'. Give hime a big hug, tell him it will be just fine, and he can go out with his pals the next night.

irishmum · 16/03/2006 00:31

"REAL PALS" Will always b there,let him see if they will go out 4 a drink when u get home from ur trip.....

Original poster

pebblemum · 16/03/2006 09:33

Sorry i disappeared last night i suddenly realised how late it was and didnt want to be up when he came home from work (he doesnt finish until 1am). Thanks for all your support.

He's asleep now until about 11am so luckily i dont have to speak to him for a while. I've decided i'm not going to cancel it but wont tell him that. I am also going to leave all the information about the hotel laying around so he can see what he has missed out on. If he continues being an arse he will suddenly find me with my bags packed and i will be going on my own. I could do with a bit of pampering and its about time he spent more than half hour on his own with the boys. If however he suddenly turns into the perfect husband (pmsl) then i may consider taking him but it will be the last time i ever do something like this.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 16/03/2006 09:36

Is he having an affair do you think? Sorry, I do hope not but there's something not right here. And you are clearly a thoughtful person and he's an ungrateful tosser so it's not you, it's him. Fgs. I don't know what to suggest, he sounds like a spoilt brat and that's not attractive ina husband. Or in anyone, really!

milward · 16/03/2006 09:36

If you get no response from leaving the info around then spend the cash on a spa weekend for yourself! He can look after the kids whilst you relax.

lucy5 · 16/03/2006 09:37

So sorry pm, I remember how thoughtful you were over this present, ungrateful git!

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