I hate my Dh

[pebblemum]

I know my problem isnt as bad as many that post of here but my (not so)Dh has really pissed me off today.

No matter what I buy my Dh for his birthday/Christmas etc it is never right. If I buy him clothes they are either the wrong style of the wrong size (even though they aren't)Yet anyone else could buy him the exact same top and he would love it. The only time I get it right is if I buy him something to do with golf. The other year i bought him his first golf set £190 and he loved it but 6months later he gave it away and bought a new one. I cant seem to win so for his birthday in 4wks time I decided i would do something different. I have booked us into a posh golf and country club hotel for a romantic night away from our ds's. We need to spend some quality time alone and thought this would be the ideal place, there are plenty of facilities there so if we wanted to we could play golf, swim, pamper ourselves or if that didnt take our fancy we could lock ourselves away in our room and take advantage of room service. This night is costing me around £150 once i account for drinks, food etc and has taking me nearly 2wks to plan it. I have spent an extra £30 on sexy undies for the occassion and have purchased a bottle of his favourite wine to sneak into the room. On top of that I have bought him an MP3 player(from the boys) and a few other little things including golfing vouchers, this all amounts to another £40. All in all this birthday is costing me about £220 if not more but it would be worth it. I have everything planned down to the last detail, everything is booked/ordered etc. Dh knows i have planned something special but hasnt a clue what, he thinks we are probably going for a meal. This night means a lot to me.

Today my arse of a DH tells me that he wants me to cancel his birthday as he just wants to spend it in the pub with his mates. The best present i can give him is to let him do what he wants. I am so pissed off. Things have been a bit strange with us lately due to the fact we have no time together anymore and dh is always saying he feels neglected iykwim which is why i have planned this surprise. At first I thought he was joking but finally realised he was deadly serious. I have spent ages planning/saving for this and he has ruined it just like he does every birthday/christmas. I feel that no matter how hard i try i cannot please him.

We havent spoke since he told me this as i couldnt trust myself not to say something i would later regret. I did tell him he was an ungrateful 'barsteward' and that I would keep my plans but take someone else but he didnt seem too bothered. Why does he do this to me everytime. The funny thing is I didnt get him a valentines present as I was ill and he hasn't let me forget it yet when i do buy him something he moans about it. Aaaargh I hate him so much at the moment.

Sorry for moaning, feel a bit better now I've got it off my chest

Good strategy pm.

Great idea Milward - and extend it to two nights!

I very much doubt he is having an affair he hasnt got it in him. His only interest other than golf is getting drunk and to do that he goes to our local where i know everyone so would soon find out.

He keeps threatening to have an affair though whenever I refuse his advances but wanting sex at 2.30pm with a 2.5yr old running around isnt exactly ideal is it!!

I think his problem is he is spoilt. His mum gives him almost anything he wants ie money, clothes and he thinks he should always get his own way.

i suppose the money I save by not paying for expensive meals at the hotel for him (ID be happy with a salad) I could extend my stay, only thing is its not fair leaving the kids with a miserable git like dh lol

But he is their dad!

Arse.

how old is he pebblemum?

I'm with WWW on this - are you absolutely sure he's not having an affair? If the people at the local are all lads, then it's not inconceiveable that they would keep his secret. But if he's not having an affair, then imo him wanting to be with his mates rather than have a romantic n night away with you just shows how little respect he has for you. Actually though i'd be a bit more devious than to tell him you're going anywhere. I'd keep the night away arranged, but tell him that it's cancelled, leave him thinking that he's ooing out with his mates on the night of his birthday, and then the day you're meant to go away, I'd tell him that you didn't cancel it, and are going away so he's left with the kids, and ... oops, too late to arrange a babysitter, so he'll have to stay in with the kids instead of going out to the pub, what a shame. Then go away and leave him to do some serious thinking about the way he treats you. And have a good time.

good god, sounds like a bloody teenager. get tough and whip him into shape girl!

don't know was it on this thread or another but saw great comment last night about men being like buying a house, you have to view them as a renovation project with potential, not a finished product!

if he won't grow up and start acting like the man of the house he should be let him know his days are numbered. if mommy does such a bloody good job looking after him, let her have him back!

I would definitly still go away, take a good friend with you and enjoy it, if you're likely to worry about the kids, then why not keep the plans as they were, for whoever was having them to have them, and don't ruin your own weekend. Don't start feeling soft about it and let him go its too late, He'll think he can get away treating you like that and get rewarded. sounds like hes a child, so treat him like one, you woudl if it was one of the kids acting like that.

My Dh will be 29 on his birthday Alexsmum but he is so used to getting his own way and being waited on hand and foot by his mum that he thinks its his god given right to do as he pleases. We will have been married for 4yrs in June-if we make it-and i think he is getting worse.

He thinks that as he goes out to work and i am 'just a stay at home mum' that it means he is entitled to do as he pleases ie go out whenever he wants while i am stuck at home all the time. He wasnt like this when we got married, he seems to be getting worse. If anything goes wrong for him he always seems to blame me or if he isnt blaming me he is making our lives hell by being a miserable sod. In June we will have been married four years but dont know if i can put up with him much longer. I was hoping that the weekend away would help things get back on track and that maybe all we needed was a bit of time alone together away from all the pressures of work and being a mum.

Am definatley not cancelling though even if i have to go on my own and i will probably have to stick with my original babysitter as dh would be useless. He forgets to feed the kids sometimes or just gives them junk for quickness. He does love the boys but i think that maybe he is just so used to being the child that he finds it hard to revert to being an adult.

he really isnt acting like he is interested in sustaining this marriage. have you talked to him about this? maybe suggested counselling?

Dh doesnt believe in talking to strangers about his problems. What happens between us stays in our four walls (unless he is moaning about me to his mates, obviously). Its hard enough to talk to him myself. If ever i try to explain how i am feeling ie at the end of my tether, he just shrugs it off and says if i want him to leave all i have to do is ask. The funny thing is if I do say that he may walk out the door but he always phones within a couple of hours asking if he can come home. I think the longest he has ever left is about a week and even then i had him on the phone all the time telling me he loved me blah blah blah. I think he does love me but finds it hard to show it sometimes, the thing is I am one of these people that needs reassurance now and again. Actions speak louder than words, anyone can say they love you and not mean it, it happens every day on tv,actors get paid to say it. I think showing it now and again through cuddles, gestures etc or just by being there means a lot more. Just wish Dh could manage it sometimes.

Maybe I am being too harsh on him, there are many men out there who cant express their feelings openly. Dh has no problems expressing anger, dissapointment etc but the love thing has got him beat.

Havnt read all this thread but can seriously commiserate with you pebblemum. Have a dp similar who has no interest in sex only cares bout golf and drinking. Why do men behave in such a selfish way ? Sounds like he needs to learn a few manners and say how nice a present is for a change.

Same here pebble need reassurance and affection which my dp cannot give . Wish i had chucked my dp out long ago. But we sometimes hag on in there for the kids.