I'm pissed off with OH but AIBU? He seems to think so…….

[mswotsit]

This is going to sound silly but I am really angry with OH/BF and I don't know why I'm reacting like this. So last night OH/BF said he might come down (longish distance relationship but it's worked well for a year and we're moving toward living together in my house).
by 9pm I know he's not coming and texted him to see what's happening. No, he's not coming as there's a lot going on at home. I say well you could've let me know. He offers up some excuse about dealing with his grown DC (and this has happened before). I reiterate that it's good manners to let people to know if you've changed arrangements. Nothing came back. Nothing til a cryptic phone message today about being in the area and he'd call in if I was at home but otherwise he'd just go home again.
He tells me that he had a crap day dealing with everyone else's problems and would've been prepared to struggle down to me until he got my text and didn't want me to start rowing with him too. WTF!!!!!
then he apologises for not letting me know, laughs, and asks "so when are you going to stop being pissed off with me then?" WTF!!!!

I'm angry and I can't decide if he's just shifted blame for his choices onto me!

There are more fish in the sea. Don't spend any more time on this one, it's a stickleback.

What exactly will he be bringing to your table once he's got his feet under it?

For a clever woman you sound remarkably naive about the pitfalls of letting a married man move in with you before the ink is dry on his absolute.

So he wants to know what you're up to all the time. This can be taken as either taking a great interest because he's mad on you or extremely controlling.

He feels free to have you wait for him with him giving you an explanation in time for you to go out and have fun with someone else.

He doesn't work. Has he not worked for the year you've known him? You realise that he's unlikely to work if he lives with you, don't you?

He has a bad attitude to money. You do realise you'll be subsidising him a lot when he moves in with you, don't you?

He's had a crap day dealing with his adult children's problems. Do they work?

He wanted to commit from the start, yet he didn't have anything to offer, did he? Did he plan to live with you in your home?

It's odd he hasn't sorted out his house, isn't it? Shame for his poor ex wife who, I presume, is waiting for the money from the house. Is he actually doing anything about selling it?

I have had some wine and talked to a RL close friend.

I'm not naive izzy. What you say is hard to read though. A married man. If he is for me he does need to be divorced (as I am) before I can commit to him. I hate hurting people.

Controlling - yes. i have had a 'poor me' text. It's happened before when I was about to end it. This time I'm reading it differently. I haven't responded.

I don't know what he planned. I don't think I know anything - people hide their motives if they've got another agenda.

At the end of the day when you add it all up see it in black and white he's not a particularly good catch at all is he?

just realised how i've contradicted myself.

I just didn't want to hear 'leave the bastard' as the sole solution. I've been living it and I need to hear different views. He's not an out and out bastard - he wouldn't have got a look in otherwise.

No he's not and he know's it.

But he confuses you and doesn't make you happy though OP does he?

You say you were about to end it once before - what was the reason? I have to say this doesn't sound good.

If he is the type to use 'might' as a pre-justification for mucking you about, keeping you hanging, giving him a get-off when you get annoyed, then I'd ditch him for that alone, let alone all the other stuff.