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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex says I have given him an STI

30 replies

isitmeorhim · 03/09/2012 09:52

We finished about 3 weeks ago. He has form for being hurtful and manipulative.
I got a text this morning asking if I had any problems down below. I replied NO, why? He texted to say that since his return from holiday (week before last, he went with his kids) he has a bad rash on his penis.
We were together over year. In that time I have not had any sexual relationships with anyone else.
If I have given him an STI I will be so upset. I have no symptoms and I have no history.
Im not sure why I am posting this, Im upset already.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 03/09/2012 09:55

Don't be upset! If you've not shagged anyone then:

he has.
he has another type of rash like eczema.
He's doing it to wind you up.

NONE of those are your fault so just delete and block him! He's a fucking wanker!

JustFabulous · 03/09/2012 09:56

Before unfair accusations start getting thrown around there are STI's that take a while to come out and/or have no symptoms so unless you were a virgin when you met him you are just as likely to have given him something as he has shagged someone else.

lubeybooby · 03/09/2012 09:57

My ex said this too. Turned out to be nothing.

Get tested just so you can ease your mind though.

altinkum · 03/09/2012 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErikNorseman · 03/09/2012 10:02

It makes sense for you to be tested anyway, so do it for your peace of mind, especially if he says he has symptoms.
Were you both tested when you started sleeping together? It is possible that either of you had one when you got together.

EdithWeston · 03/09/2012 10:06

The possibility might exist that he has passed one on to you. Has he told you a specific diagnosis?

I suggest you go and get checked at an STI clinic (a sensible health measure anyhow). If it comes back all clear, you'll be able to tell him that you are all clear and he will need to notify any of his other partners. If it doesn't, then just get it dealt with.

Offred · 03/09/2012 10:11

Yes, go and get tested anyway. However a rash on his penis could be a number of things leaping to the conclusion it is an STI and your fault is nasty.

Tell him to jog on.

PooPooOnMars · 03/09/2012 10:12

Either of you could have had something from ages ago.

Get checked.

FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra · 03/09/2012 10:15

It really is sad that's there's such a stigma with STIs. It's really no different from catching/transmitting any other sort of contagious illness - you wouldn't be upset if he'd caught a cold from you!

Just get to the GU clinic and have a test, it really isn't as awful as people think it is, and once the results come back you can deal with any infections. Don't waste another second thinking about him though - he can get himself sorted, as he has symptoms he has no excuse for getting checked and treated. He is being a dick (pardon the pun) here by blaming you for a rash, rather than saying "I noticed a rash, got checked and have X". Thank goodness he's a pn ex!

BabyBorn · 03/09/2012 10:31

Did you finish the relationship by any chance? An old boyfriend from years ago did this to me.

I dumped him and he got angry and posted a letter through my door, calling me a slag and saying I had given him a STI. I was obviously mortified and went to get checked. Turned out I was ok and didn't have anything.

He was obviously very upset and angry I had dumped him. X

Original poster

isitmeorhim · 03/09/2012 10:42

Ive booked into the GU clinic for a screen.
A doctor friend has said that it would be unusual for him to have acute symptoms one year after exposure if I was his only partner. She said its not impossible, just unusual.
I did have an STI check but 2 partners ago. Ill get another today.
He dumped me. He dumped me because he could see no future for our relationship. I didnt want to settle down with him and made it clear.
The way he has text me today would be typical of the kind of thing he would do. He isnt a person who would think about someone elses feelings or reactions. If it was me I would have got a diagnosis first.

OP posts:

BabyBorn · 03/09/2012 10:53

Looks like HE might have been the one that's cheated then! Unless he got bitten on the genitals by an insects and developed a rash too while he was on holiday! Lol x

PooPooOnMars · 03/09/2012 10:56

I've known of exs who've claimed to have cancer! Id bet money that he's just being a cunt. What is wrong with these people!

Technoviking · 03/09/2012 11:45

My reply would be "fuck off you cheating bastard".

Hope that helps, OP.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 03/09/2012 11:58

Did he say what you are supposed to have passed on to him? If not, it sounds more like he's got a nasty heat rash and is using it as an excuse to be spiteful.

Anyhow, you're doing the right thing by going for a check-up!

tinkertitonk · 03/09/2012 12:21

Excuse me, but in his two texts to you he did not say that you had given him an STI; he asked you if you had one, and then explained that he had a rash. Nowhere in that is there the statement that you claim in the title of your post.

JustFabulous · 03/09/2012 17:40

Good point tinkertitonk.

Catsmamma · 03/09/2012 17:44

I hardly think he is making polite chitchat though, the accusation is very much implied.

izzyizin · 03/09/2012 17:45

That's as maybe, tinkertonk, but if the guy's a tosser which may have given him a rash it's easy to see where this may be going.

I suggest you simply ask him to let you know the diagnosis after he's been to a clinic, OP.

janelikesjam · 03/09/2012 18:57

I would just ignore him and his texts and accusations. Silence speaks volumes.

Meanwhile, get yourself tested, as someone said, you have nothing to lose and maybe the idiot has given you something! Technoviking, yes thats funny

Beckamaw · 03/09/2012 21:32

Tell him sorry, but you only just got diagnosed with syphilis. Then watch the bastard panic!!!!
I reckon he's just being an arse.

pchip · 03/09/2012 21:57

I would have read that as "Did you get a rash? Because I did.... And I wanted to warn you in case you develop it too.." and since you're now both dating other people, it makes sense he alerts you, as his last partner, so you go get tested as well.

But then again, only you know him.

Lora1982 · 03/09/2012 22:58

my ex tried this on me... turns out it was his new age naturist girlfriend...i was all clear.

Original poster

isitmeorhim · 04/09/2012 11:40

Thanks all.
So, he text me to say he had got back from the clinic. I phoned him. He said the STI screen was clear. He said that he has other problems which need to be followed up and he said he wasnt prepared to divulge them to me and I dont need to know about them. He has to go back next week.

He said he had contacted me about his rash because I spent time going "away" (working away overnight, odd weekend away with friend, working weekends - I always kept in touch and I was never unfaithful), he believed I probably was "up to something".

He asked me if I had been screened. I said i had and I was waiting for results

So, there we have it.

OP posts:

BerylStreep · 04/09/2012 11:43

There we have it indeed. He still feels the need to make accusations.

He sounds insecure. Hope his rash clears up soon.

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