Leaving an EA man, need to know if I can change locks

[Giantbonsai]

Hello, never posted before, long time lurker.
I'm trying to escape an emotionally abusive partner, not husband. We have a joint mortgage, to which he initially brought nothing, my parents and I put in £70k between us. That was five years ago and he's paid half the mortgage and done a bit of building work since then. He is massively entitled and furious that I've made the decision to split from him.
We have three young children, aged six, four and two.
After a hellish summer of him treating place like a hotel, while I look after kids and keep house going while enduring emotional assault, plus actually calling police on him. He was released on caution, claims they knew I'd set him up!
Sorry, it's all a bit long. I could go on forever about the details.
He has finally agreed to be bought out of our house for 35k, he believes this is not enough. But, we have to keep his name on the mortgage, as even with my dad as guarantor I can't get another mortgage. He has agreed, but only for two years. He also said that as he will be a trustee, with his name still on the title deeds I won't be allowed to change the locks. I feel sick at the thought of him being able to walk in and out. In fact I don't want the house if I can't keep him out of it.
So is it true? Am I not allowed to change the locks?
I posted this on legal too, but I know relationships gets more traffic.

Thanks
Gb

you can't change the locks if he is on the mortgage -sorry

Ok thanks. That's very bad news.

I know how you feel though

my ex used to come in when I wasn't there, never when I was, and he was moving stuff, going through the laptop history and my bank statements etc

I actually found it more un-nerving that he was going through my knicker drawer, than the possibility of him coming round when I was in

it's bloody hard but the law is the law

£35K seems an awful lot seeing as he contributed no deposit and also considering that you would have bought at the peak of the market so the house would more than likely have lost money.

That aside the direct reduction in capital from him over those 5 years would be minimal (most of it would be interest payments). No way would it be £35K!!!!

Also I'm guessing you'll have residency too.

Don't be bullied by him. If you can buy him out for less would you be alble to remortgage on your own?... or would your dad be able to go in with you, not as guarrantor but actually as a joint tennant (or whatever the term is).

You really do want him off the mortgage one way or another and there will be a way if you look hard enough...
goodluck xx

babyhammock

you don't know how much equity is in the house

as an unmarried co-owner of a house he is legally entitled to a 50% share of the equity of the property -the children are not taken into account if it is not a marriage

if the deposit was protected by the OP at the time of purchase then fair enough but so often if you are loved up when buying a property then you don't think about protecting your investment -sad but true

If this really is the case (not a legal expert) then go for selling the house and dividing the proceeds rather than having an abusive man walking in and out of your home and continuing to abuse you. Though if there has been previous police involvement I am surprised your solicitor has not recommended an exclusion order to keep him away from the house.

I went through this 18months ago, I had a solicitor (actually saw to check it was right) so just passing on the info

not sure where you stand in relation to bank accounts OP but in my case he was entitled to 50% of the equity plus 50% of the contents of the property as they were bought out of a joint account, despite the fact that it was my wages that were paid into the account (he was SAHD)

I was fortunate that I could just afford to buy him out, however I do now wish that we had put it on the market and I bought someone new as I ended up paying over the odds and I still see him everywhere in the house

He was cautioned? In relation to an attack on you/your property? Did the police not put you in touch with a dv counsellor?

There is no way you should be handing over £35k to him without having a watertight legal agreement as to terms and conditions and including a clause stating that he will not enter the property without prior arrangement with, and agreement from, you.

However, if the caution he was given relates to an offence he committed against you/your property, you have ground to apply for an Occupation order which will give the police the right to remove anyone, namely him, you don't want in your home at any time.

It may also be that you have cause to seek an non-molestation order which will prohibit him from coming within a specified distance of your home/your person.

With regard to changing the locks in the interim; accidents happen. Keys get lost and locks get damaged and need to be replaced. It's often the case that spare sets can't be issued to all who may have right to them and when this happens, anyone who believes they've been improperly denied a set is free to make application to a court of law.

That said, he sounds a particularly nasty piece of work who would not scruple to break in if he can't gain access using his keys and an Occupation order is the way to go here.

As for the police 'knowing' that you set him up; if that were the case it's more probable that you'd have been cautioned and, in coming out with such a load of old cod, he must think you were born yesterday. Twunt!!!

you maybe cant change the locks, but could you be sneaky and swap front door lock for back door lock then if it comes back on you say he must have had keys mixed up? thats what my ex did to me an kudos to him cos i had the keys in my hand to both locks, but couldn't open the door!!

Actually OP could issue children's act proceedings for his share of the equity to remain in the house until the youngest child leaves full time education.

Also he would have a hard time getting more out than he put in if it goes to court esp if the house value has actually fallen ....but yes of course we don't know if that's the case.

I can take it OP can prove she and her family paid all the deposit

sorry babyhammock you are right about the children leaving education

I chose not to go down that route because I didn't want to be tied financially for that period of time -there would have been no obligation for him to contribute to the mortgage or upkeep of the property in that time -I wasn't happy with that arrangement

Although there may be simiarity in general circumstance, workshy, each case that goes before a Court is considered on its merits.

If the OP can prove that she funded what was presumably a deposit of £70,000 and he has contributed only insofar as monthly repayments of 50% of the mortgage since they moved into the property, he would be entitled to 50% of the equity minus £70,000 at the time the property is sold.

With regard to the work he's undertaken, unless it can be demonstrated that such work has considerably increased the value of the property, a Court may take the view that any such work comes under the heading of general maintenance that any householder would reasonably be expected to undertake.

Depending on the figures involved, a good lawyer should be able to have a field day ensure that the twunt feels lucky to be able to walk away from the property with the shirt on his back

Don't get discouraged, bonsai. As babyhammock has said, there's always a way to ensure an abusive twunt gets what's due to him

Goodness, it's overwhelming to get so many helpful responses at this time in the morning. Thank you all. The house is valued, by estate agents, at 40k more than we bought it for. The remaining mortgage is 180k, the equity 120k. At the time of purchase my dad gave me 50k and I asked him to say to my partner that 40k of that was a loan, and he would expect it back if house was sold. We got nothing in writing, but partner accepts this.
Three years ago partner claimed to feel like he had no stake in our house, despite all the work he'd put in. He has built our front and back gardens, sheds, raised beds etc and put in our kitchen himself( but I paid for half of it). I felt sorry for him and gave him a verbal agreement that half the equity in the house, not including my fathers 40k, was his.
I could prove he contributed nothing initially with bank statements, transfer records etc, but I gave my word.
He accepted 35k instead of 40k, grudgingly, because my dad is writing off a car loan of 5k that partner has to him. Partner also has a debt of 10k to my dad that my dad lent him to keep his business afloat. Dad asked for this to be taken off the equity payment, but partner refused.
He is very manipulative and will say absolutely anything to get what he wants. I am afraid of him

Verbal promises are not worth the paper they're not written on.

Courts are used to hearing from liars those who'll distort the truth to suit their own ends.

There's no reason why you should be scared of this twunt; the police caution should have put the brake on any thoughts he may have to use violence to get his own way, but if he steps over the line again don't hesitate to dial 999.

So the initial sum you put in is £50k not £70k?

Is the £10k that he owes your df subject to written agreement as to the terms of repayment?

What was he cautioned for?

If he will say anything he wants to get his own way & is also prepared to rip your dad off re: car payments etc I fail to see why you should stick to what you said to him re the deposit.

I strongly believe that you need some proper legal advice. I can see how battered you feel but knowing exactly what your position is legally should give you a lot more confidence.

He sounds manipulative and a bit scary. It really seems to me that the best course of action would be to sell the property. Yes it would be a massive upheaval for you but you need a clean break - no messing about with deeds, joint mortgages & especially the keys issue.

I really hope everything works out for you x

It was 60k thinking harder about it, I paid the stamp duty of 7.5k or so.
Any way could work it all out and prove it if necessary.
He was cautioned after a day in a cell. We were all at a friends house, the man was a childhood friend of my partner. They have kids the same age and we often go there as a family. The last two months he'd been going round there moaning about how awful I was and how miserable he was.
We had been trying to reconcile, but it wasn't going well, basically I couldn't do it.
That morning he kissed me and I drew back, he was angry and began sulking. We had an arrangement to visit these friends for the afternoon, so we went. He began drinking immediately, by four or so he was glowering at me and embarrassing our hosts. He suddenly said "you're driving home by the way". We had a brief exchange about this and then his friend took him to the pub.
I had already had two small glasses of wine. I felt defiant and chatting to the woman of the house, we decided that we could stay over, the kids would enjoy a sleepover, and I would be able to have another glass of wine.

After an hour we got a bit nervous and she called her partner to tell him of the plan. 5 minutes later my partner stormed in a said we're going. I said no, we're invited to stay here, and neither of us can drive anyway. He kicked off, looming of my me hissing you fucking cunt in my face. The woman saw him push, so I fell back against a door. Then he got a taxi and dragged my eldest, weeping to it and strapped him in. Came back and came back for the baby, tore her from me. I had to let her go or he'd have dislocated her arm. My middle girl was hiding with the woman of house, saying I don't want to go with daddy. Meanwhile I called 999 and begged for help. Then I went out to the taxi and told he must not take the children. That my partner was very drunk and angry and should not be in charge of children. He eventually agreed and turned his engine off. The man if house came out and began shouting at my partner, telling him he was a year for behaving like that to me and the kids. This provided a distraction and I got kids back inside a locked him out.
Soon after my partner got into our car and drove away. Police arrived 5 mins later and I gave car number plate and a statement. They didn't get him until next morning, didn't do him for drunk driving.
I was too scared to go home and stayed away for two days.

Have to go, kids need attention

I changed the locks.

I know you shouldn't but I did

You have a very good chance of being able to get the courts to put this knob in his place: he has a police caution for drunken aggression against you and DC so you won't have much trouble setting firm rules about contact, either. Have a chat with WA or RIghts Of Women re getting a recommendation for good solicitor, and if this man does anything else aggressive, don't be afraid to call the police again.

Even if you can't change locks, whats to stop you adding additional locks?

He's been messing with my head for the last few weeks. Seeming normal (ish) and hardly ever here anyway. You're right, I have to speak to womens aid.
He did get a fright from the caution, that's why he agreed to take the money and go. But his confidence is back, he's been talking to 'people' and everyone thinks I'm being a complete bitch to him apparently.
I hate seeing him playing good dad, it's so artificial and he promises things to kids he doesn't deliver on. He loves them, but in a proprietorial rather than caring way.
His greatest dread has always been having his kids taken from him. He has always gone on, with anger, about the unfairness of the law to dads. Stupid me, I interpreted this as a strong desire to be an equal in parenting duties. He has been awful.

He's a raging arsehole, love. Don't be taken in by his bullshit, it's text book abuser crap and people will not automatically take his side. OK maybe a few stupid woman-hating friends of his might, but who cares what they think?
Is he out of the house and living elsewhere at present? I do hope so for your sake.

No he's still living here, has been advised not to leave as might damage his financial entitlement. But only pops in and out to get stuff, sometimes to sleep. Does bath and story with kids about once a week, and has been Looking after them on Mondays, when I have work and he doesn't.
I try not to speak to him. Every time I do he starts on about how we've both done bad things to each other. He bears the scars of this relationship too!
Sigh, it's so hard to keep a clear head when he's standing with a quivering lip feeling sorry for himself and going on and on and on.
He is indeed a raging arsehole, but he's also ruthless and for someone not immensely bright he's incredibly devious.
I have an awful secret that he knows about and that could cause me problems if I took him to court. When I mentioned, in anger, taking him to court, he immediately said he would tell them all about it.

Do not hand over anything. See a Solicitor. To reduce your Solicitor costs work out what actually happened in terms of the money, who put in what, what is owed etc. and what you want. Do this before you go so you can get a straight answer to what your options are and what you have to do to secure your future.

Do not tell him you are seeing a Solicitor, he will only try and manipulate you further. Just keep it to yourself until you know what you have to do.

Does it need to be a family lawyer? The last one just did conveyancing I think.

You cant change the locks but you can add bolts etc to the front door and an extra lock at the back [for extra security being a sp of course].