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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So hurt....

29 replies

Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 21:16

Hi
I have had a friend now for the last 3 years who I consider to be a best friend we've been on holiday together, we work together go on days out do lunch etc etc..

Recently her son has gotten married, so I have went with her to help her pick her outfit, listened to stories of some of the difficulties she has had with her dil even fed her cat on the big day.

We have helped each other through our ups and downs including my separation with my EA exh which I will always be grateful for.

Went to work this morning and was looking forward to seeing my df ds's wedding photo's and there she is posing with 2 of her friends ( now I had assumed it had only been family invited to the wedding ). So now I am gutted I maybe am being really childish here but I feel as if I was ok to help out and be there for her when she needed me (which was a lot tbh) but wasn't good enough to be invited to the wedding as I am/thought I was a close friend.

How would you feel?

OP posts:
Onceortwice · 29/08/2012 21:18

I can understand why you feel hurt... BUT.. were the other friends also friends of her son?

Perhaps they were invited because they also have a relationship with the groom and not just the groom's mother?

Just an idea?

Original poster
Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 21:21

Thanks onceortwice but no they are just her friends and don't know her son at all..

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 29/08/2012 21:24

Older friends? Sad

TittyBojangles · 29/08/2012 21:24

Is it not the choice of the bride and groom who comes to the wedding? Perhaps they know these friends better/for longer? Do you know the ds/ddil at all?

I can sort of see why you might feel a bit put out, but you are right, it sounds a bit childish. Sorry. Not trying to be hurtful, just honest.

I would certainly not expect to be invited to a wedding unless I knew the bride and groom themselves, certainly not only because I was a friend of the dm.

amillionyears · 29/08/2012 21:24

How long has she been friends with the other 2 friends

Gumby · 29/08/2012 21:25

Perhaps they are old friends
Antenatal friends etc

Tbh though we don't know only she does

Onceortwice · 29/08/2012 21:25

Oh, I am sorry. Yes, in that case, I would feel hurt and I'm not sure I would be able to broach the subject. Probably best just leave it now.

Original poster
Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 21:32

Yes they are older friends but ones she doesn't see that often anymore though as we are usually together. Don't get me wrong I wasn't expecting an invitation as I only know the groom to say hello to. But I still feel hurt or overlooked its my problem I guess..

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 29/08/2012 21:36

Nope.
Been there and it does hurt.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 29/08/2012 21:41

Not surprised you feel hurt, bugger all you can do about it, but still not nice, sorry you're upset.

amillionyears · 29/08/2012 21:41

I think it is understandable to be hurt.

It was her sons wedding though,and he may have known the other friends.
Hopefully she may something about it at some stage.

Original poster
Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 21:50

Thanks everyone I just hoped it wasn't me being over sensitive or something.

Although in work this morning when the photo's were being passed around (everyone knows we are good friends) someone asked who the people where in the particular photo and she said oh thats my good friends Sue and Cheryl I felt winded.

OP posts:
amillionyears · 29/08/2012 21:52

Did you not know she had other friends as well?

Original poster
Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 21:54

Oh yes I know she has other friends too glad for her..

OP posts:
Tryharder · 29/08/2012 21:58

Perhaps they are very old family friends who know her DS and other family members and have been through a lot with her over the years. If you dont know anyone else in her family then going to the wedding would have been a bit rubbish for you and she wouldnt have had time to babysit you.

You are over thinking and it would be a shame to spoil a friendship over it. My advice would be to let it go.

nancerama · 29/08/2012 21:59

Perhaps she had been invited to the weddings of 'Sue' and 'Cheryl's ' DCs? DM invited a few of her friends to my wedding that I barely knew, but she had been invited to those DC's weddings, so she felt the need to reciprocate.

Original poster
Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 22:05

No not that either nancerama as both the friends have dc too young to get married yet.....

OP posts:
amillionyears · 29/08/2012 22:24

How well does the son know "Sue" and "Cherly"
did they do stuff at the wedding for the son,like the flowers,or play the organ?

Original poster
Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 22:41

Her son doesn't really know his dm friends and no, no favours were pulled in for flowers etc.

OP posts:
amillionyears · 29/08/2012 22:49

Ive run out of ideas.Do you think you will ask her at some point?
There quite likely is some reasonable explanation.

whethergirl · 29/08/2012 22:50

Had she mentioned anything to you at all about this, during all the times she must have talked about the wedding? I think it's strange she didn't. Something like, "oh you know you are a good friend, but I could only invite two friends and I've known Sue & Cheryl for so long now but don't take it personally".

Original poster
Twiggy71 · 29/08/2012 23:00

Whethergirl they where never mentioned in context of the wedding at all. I had went with my friend to help her pick her outfit discussed hairstyles etc and nothing was mentioned. That's why it was a shock to see them in the photograph as I mentioned before I thought it was only family invited.

a millionyears I don't understand it either although her cat got fed and I went out of my way and drove 20 miles to do so, at least he was happy to see me.

OP posts:
whethergirl · 29/08/2012 23:48

Well I would never expect anyone to drive 20 miles to feed my cat. She could have just put down extra food. Do you do a lot of favours for her? Be honest - does it ever feel a bit one sided?

drcrab · 29/08/2012 23:53

I get where you're coming from and am sorry you feel like that. I hope there's some reasonable explanation soon. But perhaps it's time to reconsider this relationship.

My DS was ill in hospital for 2 weeks and people rallied round us. Except for a couple who I would have previously considered to be v close. Turns out that because we are no longer neighbours we are no longer that close.

Horses for causes. Sad

Hang in there.

needsomeperspective · 30/08/2012 09:57

I think you are being rather precious to be honest. You aren't family an you don't know te bride or groom. The mother of the groom does not get an unlimited number of invites for her mates. He had a couple of slots and chose 2 friends she had known longer over you. You sound quite entitled. At our wedding my parents couldn't invite everyone they wanted because it was a small venue. People had to be cut. That's life. You sound like a primary school child ("but I am supposed to be your BEST BEST friend not Sally!" "how come Sarah got an invite to Lucy's party and i didn't, especially as I shared my cake with Lucy last week!"). You need to get over yourself. It wasn't a deliberate personal insult.