Can I offload to you guys about my new boyfriend? Head spinning/confusion/lurve ...

[HairyArmPit]

So I met someone on POF about two months ago. Lovely guy, very early 40s, kind, funny, sweet, fun to be around, respectful - ticks all the boxes.

We've seen each other loads over the two months since we met - starting off with once a week at first, then twice a week and recently around 3/4 times a week.

I feel I've had more in depth conversations with this guy in two months than I did with my ex in 2 years.

We text each other daily. Have spent a few nights together and everything is going great.

Well, he's just gone away to a festival and will be away until Sunday. I go away on Sunday before he gets back for a week and then he's away again when I get back so all in all, we will go about 2 weeks without seeing each other.

Just before he left, we went out for a meal and then went back to his house for a smooch and he kept saying how hard he'll find it not seeing me for two weeks, how he'll miss me, keeps going on about our whirlwind romance and how crazy it has been in such a short space of time, kept saying about how he can't wait for us to do all the things we have planned together -

Then he left yesterday. Barely heard from him all day but assumed he'd be busy and he did warn me that he might be without a phone at the festival due to charging issues so it could be possible that he wouldn't be able to text me until Sunday (but of course, I leave the country Sunday).

Well, he text me last night to say he'd got there and sent me a picture of it. That's the last time I heard from him. Not heard from him at all today. My head is saying his phone has obviously ran out of charge but my heart is constantly asking "what IS going on here??"

The long and short of it is, we met 2 months ago. It's been absolutely crazy - a proper whirlwind romance, can't get enough of each other, he talks about our future a lot and we're booking something for next June so he's obviously intending to stick around.

So why the hell can't I stop analysing it/him??

These two weeks apart will be make or break for us as he's telling his kids about me whilst I'm away and when he gets back, we're going to introduce him to my kids.

I get the feeling that if he has any doubts, it will be when I get back that he voices them.

Not sure what I'm asking here, I'm just feeling a little confused and vulnerable and wondered what others would make of this situation?

I think his phone has run out of charge!

Seriously it sounds as if all is well, I know it's hard not to overanalyse but I don't think it is needed here.

This is where you have to leave your teenage self back in the box, keep calm and carry on. Sounds like he's an all or nothing type - which is very flattering, of course - but you don't have to respond in kind. Slow the whole thing down until you're a bit sure about this man. I'm sure he'll bounce back into your life with some plausible explanation but, just to make a point, I'd be unavailable the next few times he calls (if he calls back) and don't leap on text messages but let them simmer a few hours.

he's at a festival, wouldn't expect daily texts

I agree with you Doc, that was my take on it too - in fact I KNOW deep down that it's the phone charge but I just can't stop thinking about him. It all seems a bit too good to be true - good relationship don't happen to me - I'm 31 and never been married, not even come close - it seems so 'unrealistic' that this could actually go all the way but I want it to so much.
I suppose I feel like I'm setting myself up for heartache. I probably need counselling because if anyone was to say to me "what has he done to make you feel like this?" I couldn't give an answer. He's nothing but nice to me. The issues are all mine.

WHY is this 2 weeks going to be "make or break" for you?

Just settle down, I'd put money on him having run out of battery, or saving it for emergencies.

It's only been half a day, really, that you haven't heard from him - perhaps what's really happening here is that there is an inner voice that you've been ignoring that is shouting at you about any doubts you may be suppressing?

Just stay calm; it will either work out fine, or it might not - but fretting yourself to bits over it really isn't going to make any difference.

Cogito, that's what I'm trying to do. I've held off texting him, in a childish way, I want him to switch on his phone on sunday and see no texts from me. Not because I'm into mind games but I don't WANT to be the clingy bunny boiler that I feel I am inside. I want to be cool, mature, confident - and I can "act" that way quite easily but inside, I'm a total mess.

Because, thumbwitch for the past two months we've spoken every day, seen each other 2/3/4 times a week etc and have been pretty much in each other's pockets considering just two months ago I didn't even know he existed.
These next two weeks will give us a forced break from one another. The texting will be few and far between and we obviously won't see each other at all. The breathing space is probably what we need right now but I can't help thinking it could finish it too.

Roughly how old are his children, and roughly how old are your children Hairy?

"I can "act" that way quite easily but inside, I'm a total mess"

It's the outside that counts. Calm is as calm does. Fake cool, mature and confident and that's how people will respond. Works for me anyway :) Keep resisting those texts. Never hurts to make them a little nervous

Oh.
Well I still can't see it but then that's probably because my DH went back to Australia about 2w after we got together and I didn't see him again for 7m. We chatted most days online, but not every day. We'd been living together for about 5m (he was my lodger prior to us getting together) but it was only intense for the last 2w.

Anyway, each to their own. I'd still stop fretting about it if I were you.

phone out of charge or in a ditch
or he was up all night doing drugs
Or drinking

My child is at reading festival this weekend. Text last night then nothing. The signal is poor and battery charging facilities crap so don't worry.

In reality, you have met this guy what? about 25 times, and you are thinking about bringing him into your kids lives already when you are having doubts after not hearing from this guy for 24 hours? Relationships are always intense to start with, but in all honesty I've dated guys for 2 months and I can't even remember their names now. 2 months is nothing at all.

I think 2 weeks of limited contact is exactly what you need to gain some perspective on this, but please rethink introducing him into your kids lives just yet.

Or screwing other women.

At this early stage of the game, notwithstanding the whirlwind of living in each other's pockets for 2 whole months , you're best advised to take the view that it's either to be, or not to be.

Put it in the lap of the gods and know that if it's not to be, it's better to find out sooner rather than later.

Plenty of fish means what it says - there's no shortage so no need to fret if this one needs to be thrown back.

Plenty of fish means what it says - there's no shortage so no need to fret if this one needs to be thrown back

I think I might start using that line!

Another thing - why can't he contact you while you're abroad? Can't you use your phone abroad?

He can contact me whilst I'm abroad, just not as often as it's a bit pricey (he has said he isn't bothered about that, I don't want to run up a massive phonebill for either of us though really).

It's just me, I know it is. I'm the kind of person that puts barriers up with everyone I meet. I have small number of friends for this reason and only one or two of them I would actually trust to tell anything too.

I tried to keep the barrier up with this guy and I just couldn't. I've fallen for him well and truly. I suppose at the end of the day, the only way you can find out if a relationship is right is to make yourself vulnerable to it, take the barriers down. If I get hurt, I get hurt. I won't be the first to have been an idiot in this way.

I want to relax about him, I really do. I keep telling myself to just enjoy the time we spend together for now and if it progresses - great. If not, I've had a great time anyway. Why will myself not LISTEN to myself??!

Feel free, Crispy, and please note you're the exception that proves the rule as there's no way you should be thrown back

While you're abroad take a look at some of the other species that are availabe, Hairy. You might be pleasantly reassured surprised by the wide variety on offer.

it sounds like you haven't had a moment to yourself for 2 months - and now you have, all your insecurities are crashing back in. you know what you have to do. grin and bear it. keep it to yourself. learn that you CAN get through this and try to trust him. you know this is all your stuff so it's your responsibility to try and deal with it yourself.

I think you're right Ginger, in the past two months whenever I've felt insecure I've not had to wait long for a text that reassured me again. It was never too long until the next time I'd see him where he'd put my mind at rest again - I've not had the chance to be insecure because he's always been around.

Now I kinda feel that we've gone our separate ways again and I have to trust that he'll still come back at the end of it.

I think, deep down I know it's all moved a bit too fast too - my head is telling it's all gone too fast and when the brakes are suddenly shoved on like this it's a bit of a shock to the system.

What you're saying reminds me of a child when they go through the separation anxiety stage. you rationally know he'll come back but inside you're shit scared that he won't and the subsequent pain of that is terrifying.

you say yourself you put barriers up. you'll start pushing him away to protect yourself if you're not careful. are you able to stop yourself doing this? there's nothing wrong with taking it easy and being careful with a new relationship, but when you start doing that only as a reaction to something he's doing, or not doing, then that's not so good.

Take a deep breath and calm down.

Sounds like it will do you good to have a couple of weeks apart, get some perspective on it.

I've never been to a festival & actually had a signal!

Take this opportunity to show this bloke that is obviously into you how relaxed, confident & care free u r by not over thinking this & questioning him on 'y didn't you text me today' etc.

He obviously likes you.

Good heavens. When my kids were on the other side of the world it wouldn't have occured to me to worry for a couple of weeks.

If a gf started banging on about FFS texting every day from a festival, I'd be looking for the pet rabbit...

I'm sure you'll be fine! Look forward to seeing him when you are back together.

You cannot charge a phone at a festival. The battery is dead. Stop worrying.