My partner has chosen a video game over me and our son

[chipsandmushypeas]

i posted the other day about how lonely i am feeling as my partner is addicted to vg.

i stayed at my mums for two nights and I'm still here. he had been texting me asking when I'm coming back but i really don't want to. i told him he needs to choose his game or me and his son (I'm 23 weeks pg) and he said he's not changing his lifestyle. so thats it i guess. told him I'm getting my stuff and cancelling our holiday next week. he just replied saying maybe its for the best as he's been feeling down

I'm absolutely gutted and feel like jumping out the windows right now. I'm worthless. someone please talk to me

someone please

You are not worthless. He is.

All you want is to have a decent partner and a good father for your son. Those are things a good person wants.

You have done the right thing. Stay strong.

Oh and don't fall for the "feeling down" shit either.

You're not worthless

You're mourning the end of your relationship

Are you close to your mum? Can you talk to her?

You are not worthless. He sounds immature. Does he discuss anything with you?

Not worthless at all. Can you take your mum on holiday with dc instead.

How are you worthless? You gave him a fairly easy choice to make and he opted for a bunch of pixels over living, breathing family. He is a weak, thoughtless person who has a serious problem with his priorities whereas you've been strong and mature.

I'd say that, without him, your life will come on in leaps and bounds. Without you he'll end up in the gutter.

my mum wants to talk to him and said she will call him but he's so stubborn i don't see him changing. he never used to be like this. I'm so mixed up, I've called his sister as I've got no one else

how could he do this to me, we had such a great relationship before, this baby was planned and this whole pregnancy has been so lonely

What he's doing goes beyond stubborn, quite frankly, and into 'obsession'. When you're in a staring match like this, don't blink. Stay strong.

Oh mate, feel so bad for you. You are not worthless - quite the opposite. So sure are you of your worth that you won't stand for this selfish, destructive behaviour.

What's the point of your mum speaking to him? Honestly?

If you - his wife, the mother of his children - can't get through to him that he needs to either grow up or get help for an addiction then why would she?

At best he will pay her lip service and promise to change, but have no real intention of doing so. At worst he will tell her where to go and cause more upset.

How much does he play the video game? What is it?

Are you sure it's a just a video game at the root of this or is it a case of cherchez la femme? I've heard of people who get swept away with online chatting via some games and end up detaching emotionally from partners.

Poor you, that's horrible.

If he's told you he's not prepared to change his lifestyle then you have at least been given a clear choice, better than him stringing you along promising to change then not doing it.

You seem to have a choice of accepting how your life will be if you go back to him or taking a deep breath and doing it on your own. That's very tough.

Just wondering one thing. Is this new since you got pg, or has he always done it. My DH goes a bit weird when I am pregnant - hugely withdrawn, going into the study on the computer all the time, not wanting to make baby plans, and yes playing vg. I was really upset when I was pregnant with DD as despite us trying for 10 years to have a baby, he didnt seem happy about it. As soon as she was born he switched back to his normal self and has been super involved and great as a father.

He said that he was just so worried about it the whole time and scared something would go wrong he couldnt bear it (hence the escapism).

I am now 27 week pg again and he is doing it again (although this time, he is also doing lots of stuff with DD as well), wont talk about the baby, wont make plans or discuss buying anything. I know that this is how he deals with it all now.

it started since the game came out in may, its called Diablo, very much like world of warcraft and people have died playing it for too long.

im not going to move back yet as he obviously has no intention of changing or stopping.

You're all right, me and my son are worth much more.

Lamb - the game came out in may, i got pregnant in april so maybe that is the reason. he did say he needs that alone time, but honestly its everyday and all the time that i don't see the point in living together

I feel like my mental health is suffering, without my cats i would've had no one. i have friends i see sometimes but they live quite far, as do my family so i cannot pop out and see them.

i don't know what to do, i feel so fucking angry yet so sad

and arf at "his lifestyle" which implies international jet-setting, drinking champagne with Prince Harry etc, instead of sitting alone and hollow-eyed in front of a screen surrounded by pizza boxes while your wife and child play and love each other somewhere else.

He can keep his lifestyle.

i don't know what my mum or his sister speaking to him will do, you're right. I'm just so desperate i have no other ideas. i guess ill just stay strong and not back down

You are not worthless!

His behaviour does sound odd though. Did he just start playing it all the time when it came out in MAy, and before that he never played any games? Or has he always been a gamer but only got obsessed with this game? Do you want him to never play it ever, or ujst play it in moderation? How long were you together before this all started in May?

You're allowed to feel angry and sad too, you're allowed to mourn the loss of the relationship you thought you had, but you will be al right, you will get through this, you do not need this sad looser and his pathetic selfish choices .

Was going to post that maybe he was struggling with the idea of new baby and using the games as a way to get his mind off worries but found your other thread and realise it's a lot more serious than that.

I know it must feel as though he's choosing a game over you but it seems as though there is much more than that going on. It's almost as though he's scared of the impending responsibilities and is trying to force you to accept that he won't be supportive or involved when baby arrives.

How soon after you moved in did this all start? Did it coincide with the pregnancy or was it a prob before that?

I think getting your mother, his sister and any mutual friends to talk to him would be a good thing, as long as this behaviour is out of character for him.

Some people, on the other hand, do need an awful lot of personal space . If this applies to him you'll have to decide whether you can live with it or not.

Hope everything works out well for you OP. Glad you've got your mum to look after you.

Sorry xpost with lambzig and others!

What a complete tosser. Better off without him x

He's always like video games but would only play on them a couple of times a week. Usually we would watch movies together, go out, have lots of laughs. but now he's always in there, doesn't seem interested in anything i have to say.
We haven't been intimate for nearly 3 weeks now as he comes to bed so late so we're both tired, which has led to even more distance.

Arseface- i think you're right about it not just being about a game because he did say that when we were talking about it once. He also said 'you're always around and i can never have to living room to myself because you're always in there' :( Well I'm 6 months pg so I'm not really going out to town every night. I go swimming and classes and work so I'm not always home.

Can't read this and run. You are not worthless, and gaming is a very hard to shrug off addiction. People here might underestimate it, and think it's some girl. I've played both diablo and world of warcraft, so I know how it is like. The problem with team games is that you have to keep logging on or you'll let your team down. But the camaraderie is what makes them so addictive. I stopped playing after I have my DD. Because I know you can't be a good mum and a gamer at the same time. So it's the right time now that you ask him to choose. Many I've met in game also quit when they have a child. He hasn't committed to playing less, or quitting, so he'll not be much of a father if you stayed togther.

Yes, he plays with his friends online so i can see why its even harder to stop.

I just can't understand how he can play it for hours knowing I'm in the other room feeling really upset and lonely.

i don't want him to stop completely

It's perfectly possible to be a good mother and a gamer, I have three children and my love of gaming has never interfered with my mothering skills. Same as any other hobby, you just have to fit it around the more important things in life. If it does affect your ability as a mother then you're taking it way too seriously.

OP, if he can't drag himself away from a game to do normal every day things like interact with his partner, then you're better off without him. My partner and I both love gaming but would never let it interfere with spending time with each other or our children. I certainly wouldn't consider it a lifestyle choice!