Would you get engaged if you were still married, but in the process of divorcing?

[AnuvvaMuvva]

Well, would you? Do you know anyone who did?

I did. I hadn't sorted the divorce despite having split up with Ex about 8 years previously and having had 2 DCs with (now) DH. Like others, only got my arse in gear to sort the divorce so the new marriage could happen. Sounds a bit pathetic now but at the time felt completely reasonable :o.

Yep I did.

In fact, Id aleady bought a house and had a baby with him, so engagement was inevitable.

Ex-H was a fucking maggoty cunt and I was lucky to escape. We did 2 years seperation.

In fact, I got my decree abs 5 days before we got married!!

I split up with first husband in 2000. Met second husband in 2003, moved in together in 2005 and married in 2006. Not quite engaged while divorce coming through but only got divorced once things were pretty serious with second husband. There was no 'secrecy' or 'poor taste'. It was a legal technicality only.

There's nothing to stop you saying you'll marry him when you're able. There's nothing to stop him buying you a ring. Mind you, I don't really get the point of official engagements. Seems an oddly formal anachronism based on one person asking a question and the other answering it.

I am, haven't seen or heard from him or anyone he knows for 8 years which is weird as my family live in town they all lived and I live up the road but its lile they vanished.
Had no assets or kids, he was a nasty piece of work and I didn't want him rearing his ugly head again. But now im settled with someone else and newly engaged I have finally plucked up the courage and I started proceedings last week.

Depends on your circumstances I think.
In my case, I had separation agreement carved out and was living independently before DP and I got together.
Ex had hidden money - lots of it - when we separated. I didn't want it, but kept copies of bank statements in case he became an arse over money.
Now divorce is in progress, the first thing ex did was apply for a 'clean break agreement'.

DP proposed because I fell pregnant, which was a shock. I had been advised that I was infertile after numerous tests (including MRI), relating to a hormone imbalance. GP believed me to be infertile. And I was on the pill.

There's nothing underhand or vile about it. I can't wait to marry him. Just takes bloody ages to divorce when you have children from previous, and current relationship.

How lovely Flora

Me too Cog. I mean I'm always happy when friends get engaged or rather say they are getting married - but there's often a ridiculous farce about when the proposal - usually surrounding an expensive holiday and 30 million friends and family sworn to secret beforehand!

I wouldn't cast judgement on those that did but I personally wouldn't. It's probably my character as I tend to like things neat, tidy, completed and put away in their box.

I can't say if I would or I wouldn't - there are so many different factors that would make a difference.

I think I would avoid it if a wait if it was only a few months to wait but not if it would be a couple of years but who knows, matters of the heart often take us by surprise.

it was lovely Proudnscary, why would i care what some horibble old cow thinks?
was actually hoping that the shock would bump her off, but no such luck!

It's confusing and upsetting enough for children when they're parents are going through a divorce - then asking them to be happy and congratulatory or at least accept a new man in their lives permanently at that stage...No. Or even worse asking them to keep it a secret or keeping it a secret from them? No, no, no.
The separation (break-up) and the divorce (paperwork, legal process) are two entirely different concepts and can happen years and years apart. My (ex) husband and I are separated, have been for about 18 months. We have no plans to do the paperwork any time soon, but am sure we'll get round to it at some point. My son had to go through us breaking up - he has no idea about the legal aspects. The divorce is absolutely irrelevant to him. If either my ex or I wanted to get remarried, sorting out the decrees would have zero bearing on my son. He wouldn't even know.

A friend of mine is and has been engaged for a number of years to a man who is still married.

Yes I did. I got engaged before I was divorced. The woman XH left me for threw him out as the forms were sent by the court and then refused to give them to him. So it took a little while longer than it should have.

I would do it if several years had elapsed between the first break up and the subsequent engagement. i.e. the divorce just being a technicality.

I would not get engaged in the direct aftermath of a marriage break up though. i.e. if the divorce was happening at the same time as the separation process. Think that's a bad idea for all sorts of reasons although nothing to do with taste - good heavens!

Two totally different situations. They say you shouldn't be introducing your children to a new partner for a year after their parents split anyway.

I had to wait 7 years for my divorce (gets very complicated if you manage to have lawyers in two countries, in different continents, neither of which are English speaking) aiming for a divorce in a third.

I didn't get engaged as such, (no real equivalent in Italy), but I did move in with and have a baby with my now DH during the long wait. We married a while after my divorce came through because early motherhood left me fit for nothing more than lying on the sofa whimpering weakly, when not chasing after a mini insomniac.

It is not something I would have chosen, I did feel somewhat uncomfortable about how "messy" it looked to others (not that we broadcasted it, but MIL knew and did "oh the horror" all over the place to a suitably judgemental audience) . But I didn't want my life on hold for so long for the sake of not shocking the neighbourhood into full on chunter mode.

Yep I did. Why wouldn't you? Being engaged isn't legally binding in any way... There's no reason not to!

I'm now married to husband number 2 :)

Yep, my auntie did this. She had separated from her husband a couple of years before but divorces seem to take ages to go through. She's now remarried and so, so much happier.

Ahhh flora. He's in the army, or was. He's one of the uneducated army dregs. Do ignore.

"If either my ex or I wanted to get remarried, sorting out the decrees would have zero bearing on my son. He wouldn't even know."

I was soo traumatised by the separation of assets process that it took me a few months to gather the courage to apply for the decree absolute (afraid of reopening the tin of worms with nutter ex).... so I completed the application, took it to court and on filling it, I was told I was already divorced (I never got the notification).

What I found more surprising was that I didn't feel... anything. So I agree that after a long separation and nastiness out of the way, it doesn't really matter.

if I wanted to do it, I would I suppose. Why not?

My soon to be ex wife became engaged to this toothless fk in mid December 2015. Less than a month ago. I filed for divorce at the beginning of December 2015. A little over a month ago. The divorce decree is supposed to be granted at some point between April & July of this year (2016).

Not. A. Chance

I have no intention of even thinking about a serious relationship until the decree absolut is through and I've taken all the time I need to deal with that final part emotionally.

Engagement??? Nope.

Wow! This is an old thread!

We are engaged. Have been for three years. Divorce still not finalised as the ex is refusing to get the absolute despite her leaving him and filing for divorce in the first place. She sent an email telling g him until she got her money then no divorce. She's got the money. Still no divorce.

But she's a twisted bitch anyway. Guess dp will have to sort it out now.

Zombie thread.

But I think it's up to individuals what they do, as long as they are not hurting anyone (especially dc) then I don't see what the problem is.