ffs. not done this.before. help me, i feel sick

[monkeyfacegrace]

Just wrote a huge essay and lost it.
Havent got the emotional.energy to relive it again in one go.

Long story short is I was emotioanlly bullied.by exh 5 years agi, and cannot get over it. Him and his father keep doing it to this day, thinking they are fumny.

But of course, they are oh so nice, they couldnt ever be nasty to the outside world.

I cant keep.crying myself to sleep every night.

I have a new dh and ds who I love dearly, but my scars are too deep.

I want exh to die. Or me. I cant do this, I need to be free.

I dont want to.be fat any more.

Op what does your weight have to do with this wanker anyway?
Whos gives a shit if they have come into money or not?
Stop investing emotionally in this arsehole and his sad bastard father!
If they were happy in themselves they wouldn't need to pick on you. And pity his girlfriend, how she can be happy with a nasty piece of work baffles me but still it's irrelevant.
Get someone else to do the handover, get yourself down to the GP, you sound a bit depressed to me and obviously have very low self esteem.
What these people you used to be related to think about anything, what cars they drive, what their house is like, is fuck all to do with you!
The next time they say anything nasty to you just laugh at them and walk away. In fact don't even come into contact with them.
Size 12 is NOT fat. You will not get fat from one Millies cookie. Be happy with the man you have and thank your lucky stars you're not still shackled to that prick any more!

My parents dont know the half of it.
They think he is a bona fide arsehole.

They're bloody right. I guess if they knew he was still trying to make your life unpleasant, and that your head was still full of it, they'd be furious on your behalf and trying to help you towards mending it, yes?

He is jealous of you, of what you have and the fact that he no longer has you.

Dont laugh with him, laugh AT him.

And whether you are a size 6 or a size 26 he will still be a nasty bully regardless of anything else. Keep well away from him and if you do need to see him keep your lovely new DH by your side.

have you got any spare money? Please please please go to counselling.

If you don't have any money, go to al anon however crazy that sounds. What al anon does is teach you to let go of what you can't control, give it up, and develop boundaries.

This gets to you because it confirms a secret ashamed part deep inside of you which believes it is true. You also are making the mistake of thinking that it will only go away when THEY are nice to you - only THEY can make you happy.

Do not give them that much power. Get your power back for yourself! He is a horrible twat, but do you know what? It isn't your problem any more thank god! You cannot control or cure other people, only yourself. You sound so unhappy, and that is a state of MIND (you have a beautiful D, a lovely H and you are NOT fat) that only you can change.

They are sad human beings who don't know true love, he is a complete narcissist and read up about this stuff! (Why I said al anon because narcissists and addiction are very closely tied to eachother).

Good luck, and here is a big hug.

Very wise words from the other posters here, and I can only reinforce what they say.

Two things are pretty certain:

1-he is or soon will be equally vile to the new girlfriend.
2-he is arrogant and entitled, and so is his father.

They bully people because it is fun for them, sickeningly enough. If you became suddenly slim overnight they would simply find another reason to be cruel, because they get their kicks out of being cruel.

Some people are just like that. There aren't reasons, and they aren't driven to it, they just like it!

This is, in simple terms, a verbal abuse situation, and it's time for you to cut these two damaged and revolting men out of your life. Access to your dd must now be arranged with as little involvement from you as is possible. Don't engage with them. Don't accept gifts or talk. If you can use a contact centre, use it.

You can't prove a thing to bullies, because they are only ever impressed by themselves. So please take your power back as wobbly suggests.... Starting today!

This man put you down when you were together. he is still doing it now. your looks and weight had nothing to do with him at all it really doesnt. i would advice counselling You are never going to get approval from your ex and you dont need it at all. also have little contact as possible with these people. you dont need them in your life you dont benifit from it.

you currant partner and children think the world of you thats what you need to concentrate on. life is to short to make people except us.live with what you have but dont let your ex ruin this relationship for you. and thats what will happen eventally if it doesnt stop soon.i wish you all the best. xx

Ah, right.
It seems to me that they have a serious inferiority complex. While looking at things to pick holes in they find only one thing - your weight!! WTAF?
Size 12 is healthy. Size 6 is not!

Your H sounds lovely.

Just had an awful thought. Your dd hears his comments. What affect will it have on her?

Great news about GP. Have you made an appointment yet?

As Beckamaw says - he/they have a massive inferiority complex. They really do. That's why they are spend, spend, spend with their new money. That's why they bully you - they are jealous of you, of your background, your upbringing, probably your education (?).

You said as well that you're "the strong loud one in your family". More reason for maggot to be jealous, not only have you all the above going for you, you are also apparently confident, outgoing, happy, tough (the fact that you don't feel like that inside at the moment is not the point, you started out like that, and probably still give the outward appearance of that). Add to all that, your lovely figure, being a genuinely nice person (ie not a bully like them), great family, fabulous husband etc, etc.........well, you can see why they might feel threatened by you, can't you?

Just remember that as much as you appear "strong and loud", and you feel that you're not, his self-confident exterior is almost definitely not real either. He just simply wouldn't act like he does if he really was as his persona suggests.

I so agree with the posters who have said that you are too involved with them. Go minimal contact, just as you would with any other toxic person in your life. Hi/bye is perfectly adequate for conversation at handovers. Or maybe ask someone else to hand over your daughter for you. Don't accept their "gifts" (poison chalices, more like), and likewise don't buy anything for them, ever. Don't have them on FB, if you have it. Don't reply to texts unless absolutely essential. In other words, don't give them the means to get to you.

I think in the long term this approach would be better for your daughter too, because as she gets older she will be hurt by their treatment of you (she will see through your false laughter) and they may well start on her too - that's just the way this type of people are. She needs to see by example that it is ok to back away a little if she needs to.