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Relationships

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Original poster

Is it juvenile to tell someone I love them after 2 months?

30 replies

HairyArmPit · 21/08/2012 10:06

Been seeing a guy for two months and he's great, he kind, generous, respectful, funny, loving - no red flags at all. In these past two months I've seen him around twice a week in the first few weeks and recently about 4 times a week. I hate being away from him and he feels the same - making up excuses to drop by my house etc.

Now we have a bit of a test coming up. He goes away on Thursday and I go away on Sunday before he gets back for 1 week. He then goes away again before I get back for 5 days meaning we won't see each other or have much contact at all for around 2 weeks. Doesn't sound a lot but we're still in our "whirlwind romance" phase and after so much contact lately, it will be a bit of a shock to the system.

In a way, the distance might do us some good, give us a bit of a breather?

I want to tell him I love him though- or is that really juvenile? I wouldn't have the balls to say it to his face incase he reacted with horror so was thinking of sending a daft text whilst away saying something like "wish you were here, love ya :-) x just to test the water a bit (incase he doesn't say it back! lol).

Or should I just ... not?

OP posts:

cherrypieplum · 21/08/2012 10:09

It's not juvenile. I was in a similar situation with someone. We actually agreed after six weeks that we'd get engaged of we were still getting on so well.

I can't remember when we said 'I love you' but it was web I went away that really cemented our relationship.

Good luck!

MissFaversam · 21/08/2012 10:11

Personally I'd wait a bit, if in doubt don't do.

ShowOfHands · 21/08/2012 10:13

I don't think saying I love you is juvenile. The angst about whether or not to, now to do it, how to word a text etc, maybe.

I think you say I love you because you feel it. It shouldn't be the point of such introspection.

FWIW dh said it after a couple of days. 13yrs later he's still saying it.

Original poster

HairyArmPit · 21/08/2012 10:17

I just kind of wish he'd say it first he sort of has - I made him something silly and he said "aww love you even more now that you've done that" but its not the same as "I love you" is it?

I think these next few weeks will be sink or swim for us - whilst we're apart he's going to tell his children (teens) about me so when I get back, I think I'll know whether we're going anywhere or not.

OP posts:

Mumsyblouse · 21/08/2012 10:22

I don't think saying 'love ya' on a text will be understood by him in the way you mean it. This is because in the main, men don't spend hours agonising over the exact placement of a kiss or phrase in a text.

I would not bother, he won't see the significance of it. Just let him/you go on holiday, and then when you get back, see how it goes and if you really miss each other, the declarations of love will come naturally.

He's not a mind-reader, and if he fails to see the significance of this you will be upset. And, in my view, texting 'love ya' is simply not romantic.

Original poster

HairyArmPit · 21/08/2012 10:25

mumsy you're right. I think as you said, we should just get on with these next two weeks and see what happens when we reunite.

Either way, these two weeks will be pretty significant in telling me what I need to know I think.

OP posts:

BeeBee12 · 21/08/2012 10:25

Cause its not.2 months isnt fast imo.

SlightlySquiffy · 21/08/2012 10:27

As Show said!

I said it first to DP after 3 (or 4/5 ha! Don't really remember) but it didn't feel like the first time as I'd felt it for so long & he has always made me feel so loved by his actions. He turned to me with a huge shit eater grin and told me he loved me too [grim]

SlightlySquiffy · 21/08/2012 10:28

That was meant to be a not [grim]!

JustFabulous · 21/08/2012 10:29

I knew after 2 months of being with my new man I loved him. A friend was horrified as I hadn't even shagged him. 16 years later we are married and I am still mad about him.

Original poster

HairyArmPit · 21/08/2012 10:33

See it's going to sound a bit soppy but I've never felt like this about anyone.

I'm not a fan of sex and never have been - yet with him I can't keep my hands off him.
I'm not a touchy feely person - yet with him I just want to touch him constantly, not sexually but his belly, his hands, his face -
He brings something out in me that I never knew existed. I'm quite a reserved person and always have a barrier up protecting me from getting too close to people - well he has well and truly knocked that down and I'm feeling a little vulnerable.

This is why I'm placing so much emphasis on these two weeks apart. As hard as it will be, I think we need it and it's coming at the perfect time.

OP posts:

Mumsyblouse · 21/08/2012 10:50

Aww, hairy, you've really fallen for him. This time apart will be fine, and when you get back together, hopefully it will be a real reunion and I think all these things will happen naturally (if they are meant to be). Also, don't say the most important thing you can say to a person by text:)

Lueji · 21/08/2012 11:05

I agree that it's not juvenile at all. Only if you don't really mean it.
But make sure that it is love and that you are not simply "in love".
Or say it like that.

But I wouldn't text love ya either. I'd do that to a friend or relative.

In relationships we do have to be vulnerable. It's the only way for the relationship to work, IMO. If you are feeling like that, then maybe say it when you feel it is the right time, and you will know it. And it will feel natural.

showtunesgirl · 21/08/2012 11:15

Say it if you feel it.

DH and I said it six days after being together. We will have been together 13 years in November.

Inadeeptrance · 21/08/2012 11:36

Aw how lovely, you sound like you've fallen head over heels!

DH said it to me after about a month, I bet he says it to you when you are reunited. Say it face to face though, not in a text.

peppapigpants · 21/08/2012 11:41

We said it four weeks after we met, it was new year and we were in Dubai watching the fireworks on the Burj Khalifa. The four days we spent together on that trip helped us to find out a lot about each other and gave us a good foundation to build a relationship on. Tomorrow we move into our first home together

It's not too soon if it's how you feel, but I wouldn't do it by text. Will you speak or skype while you're apart?

OneMoreChap · 21/08/2012 11:49

Say it when you feel it but please don't then do the stare and meaningful pause bit...

And no, most blokes wouldn't realise a bit of "love ya" in a text had meaning...
Enjoy the break and look forward to seeing each other.

DW and I said it after about a month, and we've been together 15 years or so...

Annunziata · 21/08/2012 11:51

You know when you know! Good luck.

Netheregions · 21/08/2012 11:55

Hairy - lovely that you feel this way about someone! and I agree with all those who say it's ok to say 'I Love You' as long as it feels right for you!

One bit of advice though - keep in touch whilst you are not seeing eachother for two weeks, the contact when you wake and just before you sleep are hugely reassuring in such a young relationship.

FWIW - my partner and I knew we loved eachother after DAYS - and said so within that time, we say it every day, we have moved mountains to be together and will be getting married on 17th October (just 11 months after meeting)

Love is precious and for sharing - and if you feel it - say it!

nickelcognito · 21/08/2012 11:59

aww, i love this part of a relationship!

making grown women act like teenagers

when DH sent a text to me, saying "love ya!" i spent hours talking about it with my friends (one only 19 at the time, but the other nearly 50!) and all of us were doing the teenage girly thing

it's fab

nickelcognito · 21/08/2012 12:00

oh, yes, agree with Nether - you've got do the Good morning gorgeous morning text and the nan-night bedtime text :)

1stbabyat30 · 21/08/2012 12:01

I have always said I love you whenever I have felt it - whether that be after months - or sometimes a week. I have never regretted it and no one has ever fled the scene after it! Don't stress so much - just say it!! Shout it from the roof tops. It's wonderful and he prob wants to say it too. Don't text it though - so unromantic.

BeeBee12 · 21/08/2012 12:03

We were seperated for a few weeks one month after meeting and we ran up a £561 phone bill in one month!

I still dont think that was too full on if you love each other its hard being apart even for a few days.

1stbabyat30 · 21/08/2012 12:03

My bf said it after 3 days of 'being together' after 7 years of friendship! lol

Empusa · 21/08/2012 12:03

I told DH I loved him on the second date!

I said it just as a I drove off, and didn't stick around to hear his reply! Then spent the 2 hour drive home telling myself off for scaring him off! Luckily I was wrong and we are now happily married with a baby :)

He does still laugh at me for saying it and running though

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