Long term relationships - keeping the "sexy" in your sex life. HOW ???

[OhDearNigel]

DH and I have been together for 7 years. I always really enjoyed sex and when I was younger was quite a player. Over the last 5 or so years it has dwindled to the stage where I didn't want to do it at all and would grudgingly give in every month or so simply to shut him up.

I am not proud of what I am about to admit but in the last month got involved in texting a work colleague based at another site. We never met up, never did anything and have knocked the texts on the head when we realised it was getting out of hand but it was very exciting while it lasted and has "reignited the fire" so to speak, awoken the old me. I feel as if I have been sedated for about 3 years to be honest. DH and I have been getting very busy in the last couple of weeks because I have remembered how much I used to love it.

How can I keep this impetus going ? I don't want to go back to the woman who couldn't stand being touched in case it led further, the woman who feigned sleep and ignored her DH hoping he would eventually lose interest. I can't live the rest of my life like the last 2 years. I would like to try some more adventurous material but DH feels silly doing it. He won't do restraint etc. because he feels as if he will hurt me.

What do you all do to try and keep out of the rut ?

This is a real shame but it's normal to go through highs & lows like this when it comes to sex. I always had an average sex drive. Enjoying sex but if I'm honest most of the time doing it coz I knew DH wanted to.

Then DS was born & as with a lot of mums sex drive & self confidence dropped. When DS was about 18mo I got my confidence back & gradually got my sex drive back. DS is now 4 (been together 7 & married 5 years) & we have sex between 1 - 4 times a week, depending on if hubby is away etc, if I can about 3 is what I 'need'.

I have always dressed up for my husband as this is what we like - I'm not into role playing but do have a 'miss massage outfit'. This gave me the chance to massage him 'all over' which he loved. We also enjoy watching a little bit of light porn together -men r very visually stimulated & they know it's naughty. Other than that - the odd nights away together - trying to pleasure him in different ways - surprising him by initiating it at an unusual moment - when ur about to go out & only have 5 minutes but a quick passionate 'shag' so to speak can be just as satisfying & naughty - sometimes we don't even make it up the stairs!

hope this helps.

Porn sounds like a good idea :)

what do you like, OP ?

your partner has just as much responsibility in keeping your sex life interesting

well i quite like the idea of role playing, stuff where we might get caught, most of the fantasies involve punishment in some way but DH finds all these things a complete no-no.

True anyfucker.

I was posting about things we both enjoy.

My husband is very good at what he does

But I would like to try a few things & have hinted etc. fingers crossed. Nothing too kinky! More 10 shades of grey than 50.

A few months back after reading said book I blindfolded DH on the bed, put headphones on him with a special chill out music playlist & I tied his hands above his head.

I then messed around in various ways - ice in mouth blow jobs etc.

That was quite nice

"punishment" doesn't have to mean actually hurting someone

erm, you haven't been reading that 50 shades shit have you ? If that's your thing, I shall have to leave your thread

if you have a "might get caught" thing, perhaps a bit of walking in the woods ? < ahem >

I cross posted with bubalou

I shall leave you to it

the thing is that DH would be quite happy for the repetoire to consist of 5 nights a week rotation of missionary-handjob-me on top-blowjob-doggystyle-repeat. He's a fairly simple soul and likes his sex quite "regular". He's definitely a quantity man. He'd rather have a quick shag every night than something more adveturous less often.

No, AF. the exerpts i read of 50 shades were dire. I've seen more erotic things on the disney channel

"walking in the woods" could become a new euphemism

bubalou, with respect love, your solutions appear to be rather one-sided

OP, take your partner for a walk in the quiet countryside, child free, wearing a skirt

take your knickers off

I guarantee a result

and one that will keep on giving...

so I'm told

we have a lovely country park near us lol !

not too many families walking around, I hope ?

maybe. would add to the excitement

am not leaving thread but need to go to bed ! will revisit in the morning

I said quiet countryside

not the local boating lake

ffs, what have I done ?

Op from what you've described he never gives you any stimulation. How about him giving you oral? And hand stimulation? You could use toys, they can be very good :) .

Anyfucker - I didn't mean for mine to sound 1 sided.

I wasn't suggesting she give him all the pleasure etc, just suggesting a few things that may help to get the less adventurous dp out of his shell.

Of course it's about both of them, I'm sure if you tried a few things that once he saw how much it turned u on he would be more willing?

From what has been posted on these boards lately, my sex life is rather boring. I'm not in to all the bondage stuff that seems to be all the rage lately, nor do I dress up a nurse, airhostess, fireman etc... I like pretty stuff like nice lacy underwear sets. It makes me more confident about my body, (something I never had a problem with before the DCs). So when our sex life gets a bit stuck in a rut I tend to hit the shops. For me confidence works wonders to feel more sexy.

romance each other. Make each other feel special and both put the other one first. Make your relationship and intimacy your priority and wonderful sex cannot fail to follow

I bet you are not boring, jinx. Personally, I find it is all the pretendy-edgy "I wish I had a Christian Grey (whom it seems is an abusive fuckwit with issues) to take to bed" that is boring and sheep-like

Thanks for your message AnyFucker... I'm almost feeling normal now.

Kayano - he is very good at all that sort of stuff and is very considerate.

It's basically the "quick I must have you here on the car bonnet even though all the neighbours are looking" thrills I want to recreate - I've had my fill of romantic dinners etc . The thrill of the new, the chase, the "what will the next text message say ?". I suppose a lot of the excitement re the texting was the thrill of the unknown

Element of surprise eh?

Stick a cheeky finger up his bum next time.