Its inevitable that life won't be all fun and games when you have kids but there are other things that they do bring to your life which make up for the lack of free time and freedom.
If he's not spending much time with them, or he's too stressed to enjoy being with them, I suppose he's not seeing the benefits of being a parent, just the limitations. My stbxh hardly spent any time with the DCs before we split up (one of my main bugbears) but now he takes them out whenever they're with him, to the park, climbing, swimming. He's obviously happier on his own and is a much better dad for it.
My stbxh hated his commute too. I even suggested to him that it was making him so miserable that he would be better getting a less well paid local job, even if it meant downsizing, as the most important thing is being happy, not having money or 'stuff' (not that we had much £ spare).
He didn't want to, as the status of his job is important to his sense of self. As far as I'm concerned if something is affecting your ability to interact appropriately with your loved ones you should sort it out.
Honestly, I know you are in turmoil now, but think long and hard about the future you want for yourself and your DCs, plan how you can make that happen and start to think positively about changes you can make to improve your situation. You don't want to still be feeling like this in 5 years time.
You shouldn't be missing breaks at work, you need a rest to recharge yourself. Have a chat about what can be done to decrease your workload if you're regularly having to miss breaks.