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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage is falling apart and I have not got one person I can pick up the phone to

70 replies

icepole · 18/08/2012 20:49

Says a lot about me. It must do. Over the last two years I have realised that people who I thought were good friends did not feel the same way about me. Sometimes this realisation has been quite shocking to me. I have been wondering around like an idiot, believing that people felt the same way about me as I did about them when actually I factor little in their lives. And now I am here today, and I need to talk to someone. And there is no one. Not one person. My Dad is dead, I would have called him. My mother is toxic so no point in calling her and there are no friends. And my husband is horrible to me each weekend when he comes home and I feel exhausted. And I hate my job. And I have had enough of it all.

OP posts:
number46 · 20/08/2012 22:50

Just wanted to say hello icepole, I could have almost written your op. My marriage isn't quite falling apart, but dh has two life threatening health problems, one diagnosed recently. I have no real friends and becoming a mother has made me realise just how socially backward I am. I've practically given up trying. These days the only people I can talk to are those I pay to listen. My dad was a chronic alcoholic too.
Anyway, I'm sorry things are so shitty for you atm, but thanks for making the thread (nice to know it's not just me).
Also you've had some lovely responses here. Self esteem is a big deal I think if you've grown up with an alcoholic.

icepole · 21/08/2012 08:31

Thanks not disappeared, first day back at work for me yesterday and first day at school for Ds today so no chance to respond properly. Will be back later tonight.

OP posts:
MissFaversam · 21/08/2012 14:34

Another one just checking in to say hi and offer continued support

tallwivglasses · 21/08/2012 16:15

psst you can make friends here Smile

DoingItForMyself · 21/08/2012 17:23

Hi Icepole, your relationship sounds very much like the one I just ended with my H and I have to say that even during the couple of months since he left I have felt happier and more positive than I have for a very long time. So many people that I barely knew before have texted or taken me aside when they heard about it and offered for me to pop in for a cuppa or said they can help with the DCs, so it may actually be a good way to make some new friends.

I've had some great support from MNers, some of whom I now have as FB friends (with photos and real names and everything!) so it really could be a whole new opportunity for you to find your own way in life and start again, without the baggage of a miserable husband weighing you down.

I have to pop out but will read all the comments later, but just wanted to let you know that there are lots of us who have been through similar things and want to support you. You are not alone, you just don't know us all yet! xxx

AllOverIt · 21/08/2012 17:29

How are you today icepole? Smile

icepole · 22/08/2012 22:00

Hi all, I am mostly tired! Being back at work is a shock to the system.

Things are always calm in the week when he is away, this weekend I am going away for one night to stay with a friend who lives in a different part of the country. It's been planned for ages as we hardly ever see each other, she is a childhood friend. I think he will be in a bad mood about it though. Only thing that might help is that his brother is staying here so that will help.

People have been really kind, I have been carrying that with me this week even if it has been difficult to get on line to post.

OP posts:
DoingItForMyself · 22/08/2012 23:15

We're all here when you need us
x

icepole · 24/08/2012 21:32

Well home for an hour before he started picking a fight and now apparently we are over because I look miserable. I was fine, tired but fine. He just wants to fight. Thank goodness I am away this weekend but he will certainly punish me for it.

OP posts:
DoingItForMyself · 24/08/2012 22:57

It shouldn't be this hard should it, lovely? If he thinks he can end an entire relationship "because you look miserable" it shows what a poor grasp he has of the situation.

Of course you're tired putting up with his crap as well as having a life of your own to deal with. Imagine how much easier it would be not to have to tiptoe around him and his moods. Go on, just picture a world where you could look a bit tired and no-one would make a rude comment - someone may even offer to run you a warm bath or make you a nice cuppa - wouldn't that be a nicer place to be?

That's what made me take the leap, just thinking how differently I would feel about life with a positive presence in it, instead of a big heavy weight on my shoulders. Even if I never meet a lovely man, I won't have to put up with a crap one!

Hope you can keep the light at the end of the tunnel in sight. x

Southwest · 24/08/2012 23:21

There are threads on here about having no friends from time to time you really are not alone at all OP.

Indeed I will join you in your friendless state and we can be Norman no mates together Grin

I like your Dads term for a bad time

icepole · 25/08/2012 08:09

I think he was angry because he is now having to drive an hour and a half each day. He wants to blame me or take it out on me. He pulls the what's wrong with you stuff a lot. 9 times out of 10 there is nothing but he needles me until I am upset. It is like you describe, like dealing with a very negative presence all the time.

I wish I was more settled where I am, it would feel more straightforward. Now he is living in my Dad's old house and doing a big commute and I am in our other house doing a job I don't like. It's all a bit miserable really.

OP posts:
number46 · 27/08/2012 20:28

can you remind me why you don't leave him? do you ever discuss separation?

icepole · 27/08/2012 22:01

We do but only in arguments and I feel anxious bringing it up when things are calm. I suppose I feel I should try and wait until we are under one roof and things are a bit more normal. Hoping it is the stress.

OP posts:
DoingItForMyself · 28/08/2012 20:21

Do you feel more anxious when he is in the same home with you?

I used to feel excited about XH coming home after he'd been working away for a few weeks at a time. I'd get the DCs to help me have a huge tidy up so there would be nothing to stress him out, I'd have to turn down any invitation to go anywhere as he wouldn't want the hassle of driving anywhere or doing anything on his days off.

Then he'd be home for 4-5 days and I'd expect something good or nice to happen, that we'd spend time together, that he'd seem happy to be with us, but it usually ended up with him catching up on paperwork and 'essential' jobs before buggering off again. A real anti-climax.

I talked about splitting up a few times during that year but thought that maybe we should wait until he was home for a length of time before deciding. He got a job an hour away, the commuting caused him more stress and we were back at square one! It was about another year of hard work before I'd had enough of it. Wish I'd saved myself the heartache and done it earlier though.

Him being away made me realise that I could cope without his physical presence and that his emotional presence was pretty useless too. Once your H is back you'll soon know whether things are going to get better or worse.

Kennyp · 28/08/2012 20:26

I am in a similar position t you. Ex dh moving out this friday. I havent told my dad as he will be cross as he thinks ex dh is marvellous. I have no other family apart from one cousin

I feel like you did one of yr earlier posts ... Why wont he fight for the marriage?/me?? I feel utterly rejected (was rejected by my mother too so its all coming back to me)

If you want to chat then pm me. I hope in 6m time i will be in a different mental place (ie happier) but right now i feel like i m being repeatedly thrown in a hedge

icepole · 28/08/2012 22:51

I often feel anxious if he is in a mood yes, waiting for him to kick off about stuff. We seem to get on ok in the week when he is away.

Kenny I am so sorry, sounds awful. Easy to say but it really isn't about you. I try to remember that too.

OP posts:
number46 · 28/08/2012 22:58

I suppose you don't want to walk away from everything you've ever had with dh if there's any hope. Has it been bad for a long time? What was it like before they arrived?
It's easy to take stress out on nearest and dearest but sometimes if you're on the receiving end you can recognise that's it's got little to do with you and shrug it's less rewarding for whoever is dishing it out. Does your dh ever apologise for behaving like a twat?

icepole · 29/08/2012 00:15

He does yes. The last 2 years have been especially bad. Lots of stress. I think before we had kids we had more fun, now we both work all the time. Today I worked through lunch and break, then home and deal with the kids till bed. He is driving 3 hours a day which makes him miserable. Difference is he takes it out on me, like he is resentful. I hate also the total disregard he has for the things I love, I don't get it. It's hard, we are tired and stressed.

OP posts:
DoingItForMyself · 29/08/2012 10:50

Its inevitable that life won't be all fun and games when you have kids but there are other things that they do bring to your life which make up for the lack of free time and freedom.

If he's not spending much time with them, or he's too stressed to enjoy being with them, I suppose he's not seeing the benefits of being a parent, just the limitations. My stbxh hardly spent any time with the DCs before we split up (one of my main bugbears) but now he takes them out whenever they're with him, to the park, climbing, swimming. He's obviously happier on his own and is a much better dad for it.

My stbxh hated his commute too. I even suggested to him that it was making him so miserable that he would be better getting a less well paid local job, even if it meant downsizing, as the most important thing is being happy, not having money or 'stuff' (not that we had much £ spare).

He didn't want to, as the status of his job is important to his sense of self. As far as I'm concerned if something is affecting your ability to interact appropriately with your loved ones you should sort it out.

Honestly, I know you are in turmoil now, but think long and hard about the future you want for yourself and your DCs, plan how you can make that happen and start to think positively about changes you can make to improve your situation. You don't want to still be feeling like this in 5 years time.

You shouldn't be missing breaks at work, you need a rest to recharge yourself. Have a chat about what can be done to decrease your workload if you're regularly having to miss breaks.

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