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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage is falling apart and I have not got one person I can pick up the phone to

70 replies

icepole · 18/08/2012 20:49

Says a lot about me. It must do. Over the last two years I have realised that people who I thought were good friends did not feel the same way about me. Sometimes this realisation has been quite shocking to me. I have been wondering around like an idiot, believing that people felt the same way about me as I did about them when actually I factor little in their lives. And now I am here today, and I need to talk to someone. And there is no one. Not one person. My Dad is dead, I would have called him. My mother is toxic so no point in calling her and there are no friends. And my husband is horrible to me each weekend when he comes home and I feel exhausted. And I hate my job. And I have had enough of it all.

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PissyDust · 18/08/2012 20:52

Hello icepole I'm sorry you are feeling so low but I'm glad you have MN, we are all your friends here Smile

photoretoucher · 18/08/2012 20:52

Can't offer any advice.
Just wanted to send you a hug while you wait for someone else to help x

uselfullife · 18/08/2012 20:54

Very similar situation icepole

Let it all out on here. X

icepole · 18/08/2012 20:56

Sorry to hear that it is the same for you. I wonder what it is about me that makes me not someone that people want to be close friends with. I also wonder how it is I have been totally misreading friendships for so long. And I also wonder how it is I got myself into a marriage with someone who seems to hate me. Or how I have managed to wind up in a job that is destroying me. My father would call it a cluster fuck.

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CrikeyOHare · 18/08/2012 20:56

I know this won't really be the slightest use to you, since you don't know me from Adam (or Eve, even!) - but I'm a good listener & on the end of a phone line if it would help at all.

:)

MissFaversam · 18/08/2012 20:59

Well you have certainly come to the right place icepole. Sometimes it does feel like no-one cares but we do you know, we care a lot on here.

What's the straw that's broke the camels back?

Why do you feel you have no-one in real life?

icepole · 18/08/2012 21:00

:) Thank you that is kind. It is probably not the best time to talk actually as husband is here but that awful feeling as I looked through my phonebook and realised I didn't have one person I feel I could pick up the phone to and be honest with.

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tallwivglasses · 18/08/2012 21:02

Your dad sounds like he was amazing. I love 'cluster fuck'. I'm in the North East if that's anywhere near you...

puds11 · 18/08/2012 21:03

Were in the world are you op? I'll be your friend Smile

CrikeyOHare · 18/08/2012 21:04

Yep - I can relate to that entirely. And, if it's any consolation, I think most people have felt that way at some time or another - so it's not a problem with "you" really.

One of the things that has always struck me about MN is the degree to which people on here really do care about each other. It's quite startling, actually, and almost unique.

So this is a great place to get compassionate advice :) xx

icepole · 18/08/2012 21:06

It's been a slow process since my Dad died. When he died, it was very sudden, and lots of people who I thought were close to me and also who knew him just didn't bother. I was really shocked. Bit by bit I realised I wasn't really that important to them. As I met one for lunch and they were completely uninterested in me and my life, one who never spoke to me again after the funeral (no clue why), another who offered to help me with something important and then didn't, I just realised that the way I saw the friendship was not the way they saw it. This week I got an email from a friend who lives abroad, makes it hard to maintain the relationship and we only speak a couple of times a year and send cards (she is not a big internet person) but I thought we were still important to each other. Got a generic email announcing the birth of her baby boy. I can't imagine being pregnant and not telling her, not having her at the top of my list of people to tell. I think other people have lives that are full and I am on the edge of theirs. My life is empty so they were in the centre of mine.

Things with DH been bad for a long time now. I have posted about it under a different name - if you are familiar with the board here he is the one who wanted to stop me from doing a course. The course has ended now but things are no better. We are not together during the week as he works away and are trying to relocate. I keep holding out for that because either being under the same roof will make things better or if not I will be closer to my family if it goes wrong.

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icepole · 18/08/2012 21:07

Yes this is a good board. I think I am quite shy and a perhaps a bit socially awkward, I did baby classes and all that stuff when I first moved to where I a but found it all a bit torturous and I don't feel like I am normal compared to people around me! I am in Scotland.

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Trazzletoes · 18/08/2012 21:09

Hello I'd like to be your friend! Sorry you're struggling with this. Maybe it's not you, maybe it's them.

puds11 · 18/08/2012 21:09

Ah, i'm in the midlands unfortunately! But if youever feel like a holiday let me know Smile

DorisIsWaiting · 18/08/2012 21:11

Thing is there are a surprising number of people in the same situation. Whilst (atm) my marriage is ok (I hope!). My friend situation is dire. People looking in from the outside would think oh Doris she's got loads of friends, knows everyone etc etc. But the truth is since the start of the summer holidays I have not met up with one person for a drink and me time, (i've said hello to a couple dropping kids of to play but that's coindince rather than friends iyswim), and tbh I can't think of anyone locally that I have that kind of frinship with.... So sad as it is please do NOT feel it is you alone in this situation.

icepole · 18/08/2012 21:14

Maybe it is just life, I guess once you have kids etc you end up in a different place. Maybe it is a good thing I have seen it for how it is. One friendship in particular has been a painful one to see it for how it is, it's just not a nice thing to not matter to people.

This week I had an embarrassing incident. My father was best friends with a man who is a well respected actor and after my Dad died my brother and I attended a reading and introduced ourselves. We had some pictures of him that my Dad had taken and he was delighted to meet us and said to stay in touch. He was back in the area doing a show so I emailed and said if he had time would like like to meet for a quick coffee as it had meant a lot to hear him talk about my father and his family who I had never known. He said yes but after the show I spoke to him and he didn't recognise me. I then waited for a bit and had to go and reintroduce myself. He was very nice but couldn't remember anything about me although we had swapped a few emails. He was polite but soon made his excuses to go. I felt so stupid and like I had been a pain. I had totally misread the situation. I really thought that as my Dad's old best friend he would have liked to sit and chat about the old days with me, I don't think he even really remembered who I was! I think I do this, I think that if something has been a big deal to me then it will be the same for the other person. I have been getting it wrong for years!

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icepole · 18/08/2012 21:16

I think you are right Doris, I have seen other posts that are similar, about people being lonely and I am very lonely. I wonder how it is that we have created a society where that can happen? Thank goodness for the internet.

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icepole · 18/08/2012 21:21

Tonight's problem is that I arranged to take DS to see a play and now I don't want to have to leave my DD with DH as he will be so awful to me about it that I can't cope with the stress of dealing with his unpleasantness. I have no one to help me. No one I can ask to watch her for a few hours. I tried to return the tickets but they won't let me. I sent my aunt a text but she has ignored it. And I am not sure what to do. I wish I had never bought them.

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tallwivglasses · 18/08/2012 21:28

icepole I remember you and I'm pretty sure I posted on your previous threads - I was certainly very Angry on your behalf. Fwiw, I'm pretty isolated due to having a severely disabled son.

Actors are known to be notoriously self-centred (I'm sure they aren't all like that though).

I'd email him again and prick his conscience memory.

tallwivglasses · 18/08/2012 21:29

Just seen your last post. That's shitty. He's shitty. Tim to get self-sufficient methinks...

CrikeyOHare · 18/08/2012 21:29

"I have been getting it wrong for years!"

Oh, I doubt that's true. And that kind of thing can happen to anyone...honestly. And, to be honest, I think it was perfectly reasonable of you to expect this man to have remembered the daughter of his oldest friend! That he didn't says vastly more about him than it does about you.

The most difficult thing about loneliness is believing that everyone else is having a happier time than you - and that reinforces the idea that there's something intrinsically wrong with you, that it's all somehow your fault. "If only I were different - funnier/cleverer/wittier, whatever, I'd be out there having fun too".

And it's bollocks, of course. Loneliness is everywhere - in the most unlikely places, and afflicting the most unlikely people. I remember reading an article about the death of Marilyn Monroe, and someone commenting that she had no one to call on the night before she died - the most desirable woman on earth had no one to call (other than people she was paying).

It would be easy to say - right, Ice off you go and join a Salsa club or the local reading group, make yourself some new friends, but that's a near impossibility if you have social anxiety, so pretty useless advice, really.

Baby steps is what's needed. Start small and leave the big leaps until later.

MissFaversam · 18/08/2012 21:31

How old are your kids Icepole? Is DD very young? Why would he have the hump if you did this?

MissFaversam · 18/08/2012 21:34

Yeah Icepole what Crikey has said is so true. When my dad died it was certainly an eye-opener for me too. I've lost touch with everyone that had what i felt was such an important link to him.

CrikeyOHare · 18/08/2012 21:34

How about putting out a call to Mumsnetters for babysitter recommendations in your area?

Does DD or DS go to nursery - because very often the staff there are available for babysitting in the evenings.

Worth a try. Your DH sounds a fucking nightmare. You poor thing.

icepole · 18/08/2012 21:40

He gets pissy with me anytime he has to look after them. He has "things to do". He does have things to do but he was there when I booked the tickets. He will just make it unbearable for me and I would rather not deal with it so I would rather just not ask him for anything. I would rather not need him if you know what I mean.

I think it might be over. I keep holding out for this move. We are buying my Dad's old house. We haven't signed the paperwork yet. If we don't buy it it will fuck my mum up. Also for me I think if I am going to be alone better to be near my brother. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should try and stay here, nearer the cities. I have no idea what is for the best. He doesn't support me in what I do or the things I love. Our ten year anniversary came and went and he got me nothing. He is always telling me just to focus on the home and the kids. I feel so sad actually, I don't feel at all cared for.

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