Would you change how you see someone if they did this?

[LowerYourOpinion]

Going to try and be slightly vague as wouldn't want to be recognised but I want to know if someone you knew did this, would you have a less than favourable opinion of them?

Someone I know of was having an affair, I don't know how long it was going on for but I know that their partner was a decent person. The unknowing partner wasn't ill but had a sudden heart attack, in front of their grown up child. The grown up child tried to revive them and failed. This person watched their parent die. 3 days later the surviving parent choose this time to tell their child that they had been cheating. The parent ended up moving in with person they were having an affair with and got married. Now the person they married has left them and I can't help thinking "karma".

Would you judge a person based on events like this? I do wonder if I am a bit harsh at times but it seems bad to me.

i doubt I would have a good opinion of anyone who behaved like this.

I already have a poor opinion of them. Based only on what you've just said.

Absolutely. This person was selfish in the extreme.

Maybe they thought 'ok no more secrets' but it was hurtful to the bereaved to make this revelation at that difficult time.

The grown up child said to me once that there was never going to be a good time to tell them. I said they couldn't have picked a worse time if they had tried and in this case, lying a good few months down the line would have been better. And I hate lying normally.

I'm not judgemental but I would think a person that would do this to their children at such a vulnerable and upsetting time would have different levels of humility and integrity - certainly different to mine. I do know that some of those that have affairs are so focussed on their own selfish aims, they don't have anyone's elses interests in their line of vision. Actually, thinking about your post, this is very distasteful behaviour.

Horrible behaviour. Mind you, I have a fairly low opinion of cheaters anyway, whenever they decide to share the news.

Well grown up child is the one that matters here...and has a point. Maybe cheating partner of the deceased didn't want to have on his/her conscience everyone feeling sorry for them when they were grieving only to later find out they'd been cheating.

Person who was cheating is pretty selfish anyway, I would honestly think they were trying to lesson their guilt. 15 years later they are still happily pocketing the pension from their dead spouse.

I thin you're right OP, it would have been preferable for the surviving partner to have lied to the adult child for a few months and then introduced the OW/M as a 'new' partner. Extremely insensitive and selfish to have told this to someone who had just lost a beloved parent.

Ok the affair alone would have changed how I thought. However the disclosure was deeply disrespectful, selfish and entitled, personally I would have no time at all for someone who is so shallow and thoughtless who treats loved ones so badly. There is no justification.

Sorry, OP, but can they be getting the pension from their dead spouse if they've remarried? I thought the widow/er's pension ended then.

I don't know Imperial but they told me only a little while ago whilst grown up child was helping with their finances that they still got this pension.

How do you know this person? I wouldn't want to be friends with them, though I'm so sorry for their child.

It isn't a friend and its someone I can't cut off unfortunately.

I would judge them.

And I would be disgusted.

I'm glad to know I'm not overreacting.

Now the person has been dumped, they are expecting much sympathy, help and lots of running around after them. My sympathy is rather limited.

That is appalling behaviour. I feel so sorry for their (adult) child. I can't even imagine how traumatic that must have been for them.

The adult child doesn't talk much about the deceased parent. I do wonder if its because it is too traumatic.

Sympathy in this case would come between sh1t and syphilis as per the dictionary

People reap what they sew

But then if it had been my parent.... Mmmm well they would know how I felt and all relatives and friends would be aware that no assistance in this situation should be expected

Blimey, that is harsh. What can you do to support the grown-up child?

That's awful! Im guessing this is a relative? How old was the child at the time?

The grown up child knows what I think. Its a tough one though given our relationships to each other. It was a while ago but when I found it out, it just shaped my opinion of this person and I have never been able to shift it. Other events have done nothing to change my mind either.

The grown up child never talks about it and I know not to push the issue.

No blood relative of mine. Trying to keep it vague in case the thread is ever found. I imagine its quite a unique situation. But then would the person have the nerve to tackle me on it? Probably not.

Grown up child was early twenties.