Would you change how you see someone if they did this?

[LowerYourOpinion]

Going to try and be slightly vague as wouldn't want to be recognised but I want to know if someone you knew did this, would you have a less than favourable opinion of them?

Someone I know of was having an affair, I don't know how long it was going on for but I know that their partner was a decent person. The unknowing partner wasn't ill but had a sudden heart attack, in front of their grown up child. The grown up child tried to revive them and failed. This person watched their parent die. 3 days later the surviving parent choose this time to tell their child that they had been cheating. The parent ended up moving in with person they were having an affair with and got married. Now the person they married has left them and I can't help thinking "karma".

Would you judge a person based on events like this? I do wonder if I am a bit harsh at times but it seems bad to me.

Sounds like my MIL. Heartless cow. Although not sure she was having an affair, but she moved out pretty soon after her hubby died, in front of the (teenage) kids, and left them to it.

Could be Mairy

So if you do know this person and you cannot cut them out of your life, how would you actually deal with them then?

For your own sanity, maintain as much physical and social distance as you can without upsetting the...er....directly involved party.
It's not an easy one to call. I'm suffering currently from knowing I want a LOT of distance from an incomer to the family, without causing hurt to the family member concerned.

....meaning, without causing hurt to the family member who has introduced said incomer.

It must be tough.

Person in my OP has a birthday coming up. I am expected to go and celebrate with them and make a big deal. Rather have my teeth pulled out tbh than have a fake smile plastered on my face and pretend not to mind that money we can't afford is being spent on taking this person out.

It smacks of putting their own needs first (again). 'I want to run to co-cheater immediately and I don't give a stuff about hurting you. I'll try to retain some vestige of appearing to be a good person by saying I want to be honest but I really want to be with * so suck it up - it's more important than your grief'

Chunt.

I wouldn't be surprised at the self centeredness.

I suppose the way I would relate to the 'survivor' would be to be a normal friend and try not to let what happened become the defining event of your relationship with them or of their life. Ask them out to things they might be interested in, send a card and present for birthday and Christmas.

As to the cheater if the survivor can manage to deal with him then I would put on a brave face for his or her sake and attend the minimum of occasion but go to only the most token of expenses wrt presents. I would be tempted to make a charitable donation in their name in lieu of a gift even. As for contact and a shoulder to cry on I would develop a very unreliable phone that kept on cutting out and also a very busy imaginary lifestyle. If the survivor has cut contact then I would be fairly blunt and say something along the lines of 'I'm not very good at/ I'm not really comfortable relating to people in your position' - something not quite accusatory but indicating there is a bit of a gulf.

Overall, you have to take your cue from the survivor -- and try not to be surprised at what they say or how they feel or convey to them the idea that they should feel a certain way. Try not to be too forthright with your feelings or you may scare them off from talking with you about their feelings. How you feel about events is not central here.