I have finally told my DP he is a racist pig

[missymoss]

I just told him, after months/years of little digs.

He should fucking know better.

My dad is Half Jamaican, so are his nephews. He constantly goes on about the Polish in this country. The Irish, the suicide bombers, the fuckers that sit at home on the dole, while he works a 12 hour day.

I fucking flipped tonight, I told him, hes a racist pig & Im not happy with him spouting his shit in front of me.

He laughed and looked embarrassed, said, I've never meant it like that.

Im fuming.

Cheeky twunt, why say it?

You only just told him after years of this?

YABU for listening to it for years without saying anything.

Challenge, challenge, challenge.

Never meant it like what? . He never meant his racist comments to be racist?

Why are you with him? I am genuinely confused. My DH was of Jamaican descent, my children are mixed race. Regardless of this (and especially because of this) I could never be with someone who was so obviously bigoted.

Oh - and is he my MIL?

Its little tiny digs, every few weeks in general, I have started adding it all up.

Im such a twat, If my family knew, they would hate him. I am starting to tell people at work what he is like,

Its taken a long time. On the outside Im so strong.

Cutteduppear ?

What Rinders said. Why are you with some that basically hates what you are?

Well done you for fronting up to him - that took courage. :)

Funnily enough, he has not mentioned Mixed heritage people, such as our family? But every other race. Im sorry, Im delicate at the moment. I could cry. Im feeling so shit,

Thanks Lizzie, I honestly owe it to you all.
I told him 2 weeks ago, that I never realised what shit I have to go through.
I told him I feel so lonely in life. I am starting to say so much,
Im actually nearly finished with all my thoughts
. It feels so good to get it out.

He is actually

It is good to get it out
I don't know how you have tolerated this
What will you do now?

Does he read the Daily Mail by any chance?

Do you have children ? Does he hate their heritage too

and yours ?

I am glad you have spoken up, even if it has taken you a while. A true lightbulb/camels back moment

Why did you stay quiet for so long though ? To keep the peace ? Does he intimidate you in other ways ?

A full on interrogation !!!! Any. I love your posts!

I dont know, its a stream of emotional abuse, i fear.

Been mumsnetting for a year, such a strong person on the outside.

Had a bottle of wine tonight, so the words/strength come easy.

Can honestly say at the age of 38, I have..

Had my mum physically/emotionally/neglect/ abuse us. drugs, guns,she tried to stab someone in front of me ect.

Had 3 sisters put into care, then adopted. because police came every night to our home.

Lost a baby

3 abusive partners

lost 2 pets (cant get over it)

sister got burgled/lost pet/ lost baby /wrote car off in horrific accident

I got divorced, met this dp

The list goes on.

I am actually a lovely person,

Definately a lightbulb moment, albeit a long one

. I work on a stroke rehab unit for very sick people, so I give them 100% of my time, wouldnt have It any other way. They are more important than my prick of a dp,

Thanks everyone, for being so kind, I can honestly say you have allowed me to 'open a can of worms'with dignity x

It is clear why you have lived by his rules so far

His rules are worth shit, you know that and you always have

I agree he is a pig, in many ways

What would you like to happen ? Would you like him to turn into a non-pig ? That isn't going to happen, despite his shock at you finding your voice.

the fact he feels entitled to act in this way says waaaaaay more about him than he realises

expect him to tone it down for a while, be a bit nicer than usual etc until you go back into compliant role, then it will start all over again

rinse, and repeat

AF- thanks for your reply.

What rules do you think? Me being passive? Have I? God, Im such a twat. He has definately toned it down, in the last 3 weeks, I told him I was lonely and I didnt move 300 miles away to be sitting on my own all the time.

Im so scared to move somewhere with a dog & cat, that is not an excuse. I feel 38 and sometimes I feel 14 and cry for my dad x

"his rules" to mean that his opinion is the only one

that he has the right to diss your family, your heritage

he doesn't

Oh I see, well I clearly didn't. FFS that makes me feel 1000 times worse, that the comments were allowed.

AF please join the goverment x

god that was ment in a nice way x

YOu didn't agree with him though, did you ? You don't think he has the right to say those things. Because you haven't felt able to stand up to him before now is not a reflection on you, it is an indictment of him.

What sort of man would want a partner that felt unable to speak up ? What sort of person would carry on saying things that hurt his partner and disrespected her family ?

we know what sort of man that is.

You are not responsible for his racism. You didn't make him say those things. It's not your fault he is a pig. Those qualities are of his own making.

He always knew how I felt, about racism.
He always knew how Id been abused.
He always knew I had suffered low self asteem.
He always knew I Had had a breakdown due to emotional abuse.

He knows I am the most vulnerable person.
He abused this.
He is an abuse.
He knows I have got a backbone.
He knows, that I know....
He is a CUNT

Yanbu.

My OH comes out with racist crap. Its getting less frequent since he has been with me though. The town we're from is quite racist and its fairly normal to hear words like "paki" and "half cast" and racial slurs in general really. He had been quite shocked at things he previously thought acceptable are actually very offensive.

I have the benefit of having parents who were not born there though, and the difference in us, as his parents are from there and are exactly like the rest of the morons people you find there, is quite significant.

I tell him he is being racist and explain why. I have rarely lost when arguing my point.

Thanks, Queen feel so gutted, x