I have finally told my DP he is a racist pig

[missymoss]

I just told him, after months/years of little digs.

He should fucking know better.

My dad is Half Jamaican, so are his nephews. He constantly goes on about the Polish in this country. The Irish, the suicide bombers, the fuckers that sit at home on the dole, while he works a 12 hour day.

I fucking flipped tonight, I told him, hes a racist pig & Im not happy with him spouting his shit in front of me.

He laughed and looked embarrassed, said, I've never meant it like that.

Im fuming.

Cheeky twunt, why say it?

I could not be With an racist. I can't be friends with them much less in a relationship. It shows the kind of person they are.

Krumbum I think, more often than not, it shows the kind of upbringing they've had, rather than their own personal thoughts. A true racist believes they are superior to other races. There is a difference between a true racist and someone who is ignorant because they've never had the benefit of growing up around people who are willing to, or capable of educating them.

We have a lot of friends in the building trade. A lot of their work has been cut over the years because of the influx of East Europeans, under cutting prices. Our friends can't get on a building site in London because they couldnt afford to work for the pittance East Europeans are willing to accept. So I often hear rants about The Polish. I know what they really mean is The Builders not the nation in its entirety. I also know their dislike stems from worry at being able to keep a roof over their own families heads. If there were sufficient work available for everyone, then these problems wouldn't arise.

Some people just don't have the verbal dexterity to communicate their feelings fully or appropriately.

As someone whose mother is Polish, I don't hear 'builders' I hear 'Polish'. Thanks for standing up for my Mum OP. I hope you are OK.

missy is there a friend you could move in with, with your pets? At least temporarily, to gather your strength?

good for you!

You know, there are people who think that someone can't be racist if they have a partner who is a different ethnicity to them.

Well, in the words of someone whose name escapes me just now - that's like saying a man can't be a misogynist because he's married!

Missy, you are wonderful. Your P, on the other hand, is an arse. Well done for calling him on his disgusting world view.

Lots of thinking going on at the moment. Im seeing him for what he really is. A very spiteful individual.

"I know what they really mean is The Builders not the nation in its entirety. I also know their dislike stems from worry at being able to keep a roof over their own families heads. If there were sufficient work available for everyone, then these problems wouldn't arise."

I hope you pull them up on their xenophobia. Fact is those people from eastern europe also have the same issues of supporting their family, and are doing whatever it takes to provide for their families. I've got a lot of respect for someone who has the guts to make their way in a foreign country. Lots of british builders did similar in the last recession I believe. I know my stepdad did.

I'm a bit concerned that this thread might slip into a discussion about racism/xenophobia in general

Might it be a good idea to have it moved to the Relationship section?

You sound like the scales have fallen from your eyes!!

Brilliant news!! don't put yourself down for what has happened, only act on what you will do next..

I get particularly angry about the Polish builders comments that I've heard because I've had work done by some Polish guys and they have been brilliant.Hard working and tidy, nothing was too much trouble. They have stayed friends.

If a person wants to talk about having finally found the strength to stand up to their abusive husband who has been racially abusive; and goes on to reveal a history of abuse from their mother and partners......do you not think it hugely insensitive and rude to start chatting about the situation with Polish Builders in the UK??

No, I don't.

I have asked for it to be moved.

But that was ages ago.

Well someone came on to effectively validate her DPs position. I don't see a problem in pointing that out. OP might well use similar viewpoints to challenge her DP.

@missymoss

I have asked for it to be moved.

But that was ages ago.

Hi, sorry for the delay. We've moved this into Relationships for you now. Thanks.

Thank you Kat.

I have spent the morning looking at holiday cottages, I think a few days away to get some space will be good. Long walks with just me & the dog.

Hope you are still feeling strong, missy.

Keep moving forward, keep examining his behaviour very, very closely now the scales are falling from your eyes

This is a nasty person. You wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with a nasty person.