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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

help me stay strong, i think hes going to ask to come back!!

35 replies

loganberry12 · 14/08/2012 18:16

Exh left five months ago i was devasted at the time but now am much happier with my life and don't want him back. when he left he was so cold and uncaring told me he didn't love me and was never coming back.
He's been given till the end of the month to move out where he's staying and says he has no where to live can't afford anything and will have to live in his car.
for months I've been asking him to clear the cap he left in the garden an old shed wood etc he's shown no interest . tonight when he collected dd he said he'd been signed of work for three weeks cos of his back. he said he'd come and clear it for me and also wouldn't stop talking mostly uninteresting cap about him but he's certainly arse licking i couldn't get away usually he hardly speaks. i think he's going to ask to come back but i don't want him too under those circumstanses it would never work id resent gimmick for hurting me so much then coming back cos he has no other choice. how do i react if he asks ?

OP posts:
Babyrabbits · 14/08/2012 18:20

Say no. Its the wrong reason.

NatashaBee · 14/08/2012 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dozer · 14/08/2012 18:53

"No" is a complete sentence!

So he'd be coming back after his "break" to have a roof over his head, someone to wait on him while he's in pain and doesn't have to face the consequences of his actions? You're worth more than that.

akaemmafrost · 14/08/2012 18:54

You first pretend you think he's joking and laugh loud and long, then you say firmly "No" then you do not continue with the conversation because it's over and there is no further discussion required. He'll find somewhere to go, they always do.

loganberry12 · 14/08/2012 18:56

My 22 year old dd ( not my ex's dd my dd from my first marriage) just told me she saw him today and asked what he was doing about his living situation . god only knows but she said why don't you ask mum if you can come home to which he replied cos she'll moan at me!!

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SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 14/08/2012 18:58

Just say No!

MyLittleMiracles · 14/08/2012 19:05

You simply say No, when he asks why you say "because i am no one fall back, you are an adult and will have to find your own place"

Simple and NO is a complete sentence

HauntedLittleLunatic · 14/08/2012 19:07

I would love fo xp to ask to come back...just so I can say "thats nice dear shame I don't feel the same" and close the door on him.

loganberry12 · 14/08/2012 19:08

If he asks I'd like to say no im not going back to that miserable existance cos looking back that's what it was.

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MyLittleMiracles · 14/08/2012 19:11

You simply say No, when he asks why you say "because i am no one fall back, you are an adult and will have to find your own place"

Simple and NO is a complete sentence

NotYouNaanBread · 14/08/2012 19:14

Please don't say "I'd LIKE to say no" because that implies that you think in your heart you'll say yes. Just say a straight out no. He's angling for free bed & board with a bit of nursing (and the rest) thrown in. He thinks you'll MOAN at him? Who the f does he think he is that he can treat you like shit & then have to put up with you "moaning" about it?

Please just tell him to piss off - I 100% guarantee he has a perfectly serviceable plan B.

loganberry12 · 14/08/2012 19:20

I feel a bit selfish and guilty not wanting him back because of the kids but he didn't give a shit about me when i was a complete mess crying over him passing out cos i couldn't eat for two weeks he was a nasty tosser so why should i feel sorry for h now?

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solidgoldbrass · 14/08/2012 19:23

No reason at all why you should feel sorry for him or guilty, he's an arsehole who treated you badly. If the kids try to persuade you, say that he was horrible to you before and that's why you will not have him back in the house.

However, what's the legal position? Is he named on the tenancy/mortgage and moved out willingly when you split up? You may need to make sure that he can't just march back in and start living with you again.

Doha · 14/08/2012 19:23

Just say NO

loganberry12 · 14/08/2012 19:28

No solid i live in a housing association house which is in my name only so no problem there

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akaemmafrost · 14/08/2012 19:41

Perfect then. He's a cheeky twat for even thinking it's an option.

skyebluesapphire · 14/08/2012 21:28

No no no no no!! Lol

filthycute · 14/08/2012 21:31

You are happier now, focus on that

coppertop · 14/08/2012 21:38

His back can't be that bad if he's planning to come and clear his rubbish out of your garden.

"Signed off work for three weeks? So you'll have plenty of time to look for a new place to live."

Stick to your guns.

loganberry12 · 14/08/2012 21:52

Yes can't go back couldn't go through all that hurt again sadly its too late to save the marriage

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maras2 · 14/08/2012 23:30

I seldom swear Logan but this miserable pig broke your heart so tell him to do one and go and rot in his bastard car.All the best, Mx.

loganberry12 · 15/08/2012 09:43

He wants to see DD tonight as well as his usual Thursday luckily she's at nursery both afternoons so he can pick her up from there so don't have to see him till he brings her back.

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skyebluesapphire · 15/08/2012 11:28

thats good isnt it. I like it when twunt picks DD up from school as it means I only have to think about him coming her once.

loganberry12 · 15/08/2012 11:38

Yes sky i want to try and avoid him as much as possible at the moment because i know he's building up to asking to come back. He keeps trying to be chatty and testing crap which important ignoring Luke suddenly he wants to be all pals again as if nothing has happened the idiot!!

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loganberry12 · 15/08/2012 11:39

Ment texting and im sorry my mobile

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