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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Police called at our flat this morning

27 replies

soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 12:15

Name change says it all.

DH and I had a small argument last night but the window was open and one of our neighbours called the police. :(

I am just so embarrassed. It wasn't even a very big argument but now I'm worried that our neighbours and the police think we're bad parents.

DD was asleep in our bedroom during the row but was pretty unsettled last night for the first time in ages as well. She's generally sleeping through now but she woke a few times last night for no reason that I could tell. Seemed like it was a bad dream or something.

I know that DH is under a lot of stress at the mo but I have asked him to keep his voice down when we do have a row. We do not argue in front of DD though so we settle things when she's asleep.

Has anyone else had something like this happen to them? I'm just worried that our neighbours are now watching us or something!

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 12:17

Domestic violence fallout dnd the police routinely pass it on to social services I believe

Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 12:18
  • callout
Original poster
soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 12:18

That's what I'm worried about.

It really was a minor argument! :(

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 08/08/2012 12:19

well they can't have been that concerned or they wouldn't have waited until this morning presumably?

i know you feel crappy about it, but it's actually nice that you have neighbours who are concerned about you

Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 12:20

Did you mean early hours of the morning?

Original poster
soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 12:21

I think it was about half eleven last night?

OP posts:
Original poster
soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 12:21

Oh sorry Olympia, they came round at about 10 this morning.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 12:24

It cant have been that quiet an argument if the neighbours heard it, be honest.

Original poster
soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 12:27

We yelled for a few minutes and that was it. Definitely shouty but not for long as we went to bed.

OP posts:
EightiesOlympicGolds · 08/08/2012 12:48

I would not call police out expected neighbour noise, but I would if worried about someone's safety. So sorry to say that may well have been your neighbours' thoughts.

Was your DH home when the police called? It might be a good wake up call to know what people infer from his shouting. If he does it again, are you prepared to get your DD and leave the house, even if temporarily? Sounds like he knows you are not going anywhere and thus can get away with it atm.

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 12:48

It does sound from your OP as though there is a lot of rowing going on. Are these your nextdoor neighbours? It could be that they hear a lot more than just last nights argument if it is happening all the time, and if they hear it, then your daughter probably hears it too.

Original poster
soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 12:59

No, DH wasn't home when they called but I am as much to blame as he is when it comes to rowing and we are both working hard to tone it down now that we have a LO.

We have some new neighbours and it may well have been them.

The last week, there has been a bit of rowing going on as he's tired and stressed. It's not something that happens all the time.

DD definitely doesn't hear it as she's asleep.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 13:02

eighties lol at you assuming the DH was all at fault and op should take their dc and leave!!

Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 13:03

Op.... Do not assume your DD hears nothing. That's trundled out as an excuse a lot of the time.

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 13:03

The noise may well be disturbing her sleep though. If it was loud enough for your neighbours to be concerned last night, that may also explain why she was so unsettled too.

TimeWasting · 08/08/2012 13:08

What are you both shouting about?

KrisKross · 08/08/2012 13:14

I think you need to be honest with yourself about the amount of arguing, and how loud and aggressive it gets. Because it was clearly loud and aggressive enough to worry your neighbours to the point that they felt they should call the police, and it disturbed your DD's sleep, yet you're kidding yourself that it was only a minor argument, you weren't that loud and because it wasn't directly in front of your DD then it's all ok.

iklboo · 08/08/2012 13:20

Could he have said something in the heat of the moment that the neighbour misinterpreted (eg 'I could bloody kill you' kind of thing?).

Original poster
soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 14:02

Oh lord no, nothing like that was said at all!

I'm not using it as an excuse as she truly does sleep through anything. We took her to the basketball last week and she even slept through that! But yes, I take the hints on board and we are going to ensure that we are better in the future!

I think she's teething again which is why she was unsettled. She's a bit grumpy today and is cramming anything she can into her mouth.

And just to clear it up, this is NOT a case of DH is all at fault and I'm a victim of DV, it's a case of both of us not being as well behaved as we ought to be and me being a bit mortified and will do better in the future!

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 08/08/2012 14:47

Dont worry, it is not against the law to argue, at worst SS may make a visit because its routine but nothing more will happen.

bobbledunk · 08/08/2012 16:33

The neighbours probably called in retaliation for the unwanted noise, flats tend not to have the best soundproofing, doubt very much they were worried about you, if they thought it was violent the police would have been over immediately.

Rowing is not dv, it's healthier to argue and have a 5 minute yelling match to get all the stress out of you rather than letting things build up until you hate and resent each other. Social services deal with bad parents every day, they also deal with people in genuinely abusive relationships and can tell the difference between that and and a normal couple having a row.

Don't worry or be embarrassed, you've done nothing wrong, your neighbours are the ones being ashamed of themselves for wasting police time because of their irritation over a bit of noise.

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2012 16:44

Bobble, but we don't know what the neighbours heard. If I heard someone quarrelling, I wouldn't call the police, but if I thought someone was going to get hurt, I would.

I think the OP perhaps is so used to them both arguing that she doesn't realise how it sounds to other people.

bobbledunk · 08/08/2012 17:01

If they reported that they thought someone was going to be hurt, surely the police would have come immediately? The fact that they didn't makes me think it was more a noise complaint. I could be wrong thoughSmile

Original poster
soveryembarrassed · 08/08/2012 20:41

I am aware and it's something we've both been working on.

From what I can recall from last night, it was mostly DH saying that he was very, very tired and I was asking if it was my fault. Nobody said anything untoward though I don't think.

bobble I hadn't thought of that. The police just seemed happy that I looked ok and smiled and left.

OP posts:
sparklekitty · 08/08/2012 21:06

Its not routine for police to pass info onto SS after 1 visit. They will have to fill in a separate form if they have attending anything for which a child is present but one domestic doesn't equal an automatic referral to SS.

If they are called more than once or are worried for a childs safety they will make a referral.