DP left me tonight.

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You ok?

Regular poster - NC.

DP and I have been together for three years. He took on my DD from a previous relationship at 18 months old as I was a single mum and the biological father didn't want to know. We had a DD together who is now just over one and a half. DP is the only dad they know and they love him so much.

We had an argument about money. I asked him to go to the Co Op for conditioner and little bits for a picnic tomorrow when we go out on a planned organised trip with the girls. He comes back £30 down. He's spent £30 on picnic crap not including sandwiches etc and we've only got £20 for the whole week left. I started getting annoyed because he knew money was tight and now it's tighter. I told him I was pissed off. He didn't read the girls a story and while I was putting them to bed he stormed out. He'd returned everything, threw the money down on the coffee table and called me a poisonous bitch.

About twenty minutes later I went upstairs to say I went a bit overboard with the money argument and I was just a bit upset. He ignored me and told me to fuck off. I tried to talk to him and ended up standing in the doorway he was trying to leave from so he threw me on the bed. I tried to explain through tears in the hall but he told me he wasn't happy, he didn't care about me or our DD's and he wanted to fuck off on his own forever. I went into the other room and he'd taken the £20 he got back from the stuff off hte table and walked away.

He has no mobile. He has no job. He has nowhere he needs to be. His mum doesn't live far and neither does his best friend so he could be there but I would bet he's pissing that money up the wall in the pub. Before he left he said he'd come and get his things when we are on the trip tomorrow. No explanation, just gone. I am confused. I am angry. I am emotional. I love him so much and I just don't understand how he can do this when I've done everything for him. I've been monogamous despite the sex being shit (he comes in 20 seconds every time - he is 26 but says he doesn't have a problem), I've supported him through unemployment, I'm currently unemployed thanks to a redundancy and nobody taking me on and he does this.

How am I going to cope? It's difficult to type this but I am too ashamed to tell anyone. The only close family I have is my sister as everyone else is dead or elderly. I have two little girls upstairs relying on me and I don't know what I'm going to tell them when they wake up excited to go to the beach and their daddy isn't there.

Anyone, please. I need to get through tonight.

He has a history of being verbally abusive and throwing me around when I'm in his way during an argument. I have stayed despite my reservations as I have bipolar and anxiety is part and parcel of that so I'm afraid of being on my own with the girls. I was planning on getting us stable financially and then getting married. He was planning on leaving. I know there is nobody else as since he's unemployed he's home pretty much all the time. He has no social life and he has no mobile as he doesn't want one. I have to face up to the fact that I failed my own relationship. He is not here because he doesn't want to be with me. My children have lost their father because of who I am.

Just joining the thread to make sure you know you are not alone. I'm sure someone with more practical and helpful things to say will be along soon.

When my ex DW left the first couple of days was the hardest. Have you got RL support?

How to cope? Read what you've written again and imagine it's your best friend telling you this. What would you tell her to do?

He hasn't left because you are a failure. He's left because he's got some serious personality defects..... violent, abusive, lazy, immature, irresponsible, work-shy, antisocial..... and he wants to hurt you as badly as he possibly can by walking out and destroying your hopes.

So, even though you are very upset at the moment, please see this man for the pathetic creature he is. Talk to your sister - I'm sure she'll want to support you. Tell the children that Daddy has gone away and then plan a nice day together. You and your children deserve better.

OP - sorry, but stay strong! You and the children are probably better off without him! Sending best wishes.

No RL support. My sister lives two bus rides away and we could see each other but buses there and back cost £4.20 a day and it gets expensive for us both. I'm taking cut price driving lessons from my SIL who's an instructor but now there's nobody to look after my children I'll have to cancel them.

We're supposed to be going on a charity run day out to the beach tomorrow. DD1 is so excited that I can't say we're not going because mummy just wants to curl up and have life go away for a little bit. It's all paid for except we have no packed lunch now.

DP was getting paid his jobseekers on Thursday which he was going to give to me to pay the £100 excess rent. I don't know if I'll still be getting it but I can only hope. I've paid for everything for three years while he had odd jobs helping out with some things but when I got made redundant we got screwed and since our rent is above the local housing allowance we had to pay the extra. This house is so great and in a great location etc I can't give it up, especially now DD is in a very hard to get into infant school from September thats just down the road. It's owned by his uncle but his uncle is driven by money so I don't think we'll be kicked out or anything.

You will be ok, it's not your fault

Build a life for you and your children without him, easier said than done I know.

Talk to your sister.

Look, there are far worse things than being single. There's living with a useless, lazy, workshy violent drunk, for one. You will be amazed how quickly you start feeling better now this tiresome man has gone.

Being on your own is not a bad thing. Don't be ashamed.

Go to the charity run day with whatever kind of packed lunch you can scrape together, even if it's only packets of crisps. You can't let this man ruin your plans. Carry on as normal, act like you're coping and you'll cope. Curl up and you'll stay there.

Enjoy your day out and use the time in the fresh air to do some real thinking about what happens next for you and your children. Don't rush to cancel your driving lessons or anything else. Take your time, get some advice from places like CAB and take advantage of any extra help or benefits that are available.

We all make mistakes when it comes to boyfriends and it's nothing to be ashamed of. He's a nasty piece of work and you'll be far less anxious without him around.

just recently going it alone as well, I can't offer much advice but I can offer best wishes :-)

sending love

"My children have lost their father because of who I am."

No. Because of who he is choosing to be.

Go to the beach. Have a fun day out.

People get really upset and defensive when they have money problems. Try get some sleep.

Your 'D'P has a history of throwing you around and being verbally abusive? You haven't failed your relationship your 'D'P did that when he treated you so badly. Are you sure he's gone for good, is it more likely that he'll turn up again in a day or so?

Do you want him back? You sound so down as if you don't deserve him despite the fact that he's abusive. Tomorrow I think you should make a doctors appointment and call your sister and chat to her and maybe contact women's aid. If you have no one to talk to now and think that hearing someone would help phone the samaritans. Remember you have done nothing to be ashamed of.

If you can try and get to the beach. I think the sense of achievement will be worth it.

"People get really upset and defensive when they have money problems"

Upset and defensive in no way excuses or explains that level of violence and aggression. This has gone on for a lot longer than any money issues.

True Cogito. I had not cottoned on to the level of abuse, and the back story.

You poor thing. I don't really have much by way of practical advice but I am sitting here feeling awful for you... you don't seem to have much self-esteem but please please don't start believing this is all your fault; he's behaved like an arse of the highest order and needs to come crawling back apologising...you're the one who's kept your family afloat for three years and you're the strong one even without him.

He came back. He had been for a few drinks. He's finally cottoned on that he has s problem. He says he keeps having these intrusive thoughts of killing me and the children then his mum and dad etc but couldn't figure out why he doesn't think it would be easier to kill himself. I studied psychology send he sounds like a psychopath with a lot of the traits. He's staying elsewhere tonight with no keys here and I've said after the beach tomorrow I'll call someone about CBT. He's mentioned calling the police on him so he can get sectioned..it breaks my heart but I might have to do it.

I gave him two options. He could walk away but never see his kids or me again or he could get professional help and he can see themwhen the doctor's say so. It's the end for us though. I can't have him living here and as much as I love him and will help him I will get nothing from this relationship being ill myself.

Beach day in a few hours. Going to put on a brave face and tell the kids daddy got a new job :(

bloody hell. you need some support around you and to not have this man around you after what he has said- that is seriously scary :( i am so sorry this has happened to you. please look out for your own safety :(

ps maybe call womens aid for some support and advice

www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010008&sectionTitle=If+you+or+a+friend+need+help

You need to get him to see dr ASAP. If he is having these thoughts he may be having a psychotic episode or breakdown. Doesn't mean he is a psychopath as they are sane! But sounds like paranoia of some kind or attention seeking but this is for a professional medic to work out. There are often crisis teams that operate 24hrs a day in most big cities...if you are rural possible waiting list so I suggest he presents at A&E..failing that police call them they can place him under mental health act and be assessed fairly quickly.

As I recall, you've posted many times about your not very 'd' p. Isn't he the twat one who wanted to be a rock star professional drummer despite the fact that he can't read music and wannabes are 2 a penny?

If you are who I think you are, you don't get on with any of his family members and you're not accepted by them. His dm in particular loathes you and he has a ds who was conceived by another woman while you were on a 'break' or some such temporary cessation of your relationship with him.

You've posted before about his violence, the derogatory way in which he treats you, his uselessness with money etc, and it's been apparent that, as far as he's concerned, you have been living in a world of your own fond imaginings rather than facing up to reality.

Whatever way you look at it, he's no good to you and it isn't good for your dc to have to witness violent arguments in what should be safety of their home.

Regardless of whether or not he's suffering any mental dysfunction or impairment, your relationship is hell for both of you as well as for your dc and, once again, you're best advised to get him out of your home once and for all.

This sorry state of affairs has been going on far too long; please act now to create the life that you and your dc deserve.

He's out of our house with no keys to get back in. Our relationship is over after this. I can't trust him around our children or me. I think I deserve more but I don't feel it iyswim.

I'm going to get him all the support he needs whether it's CBT or sectioning. He's seeing his .GP today while we are out and by tonight we should know the next step. I just want my loving partner back. The one who has been amazing until the last year.

No, he's never wanted to be a rock star. Not out loud to me anyway.