Internet dating - getting second/third date

[OhWesternWind]

I have just started on this malarkey so I am reading all the dating threads with a lot of interest. I have had two dates, neither of which I wanted to take forward (nor for that matter did the men). So, I have what i think may be a promising date lined up for after my hols. Does anyone have any tips for what I can do to help things move on to a second date and beyond if I ever do meet anyone I think has potential? The first date thing does feel a bit like a job interview so I suppose there must be techniques to "pass" a first date just like there are with an interview!

Any advice much appreciated.

I met DP online after 18 months and maybe 15 first dates.

There was no one else I really desperately wanted to see again, but a couple I would have considered. If not for, after having discussed meeting up again, in one instance a sudden zero chemistry kiss, and in another a series of impatient texts that made it clear he was not taking it in the relaxed spirit I was.

DP said on date 3, 3 weeks in, that he'd been on other dates he'd arranged or been in the process of arranging before we met, that he rather felt he'd been wasting their time, and that he didn't want to go on other dates anymore. I agreed.

I did online dating alongside a male friend, so we bounced a lot of ideas around about what made things seem right, what was off-putting etc. Being relaxed about things was universally good. We both found that it is generally best to assume that people are going on lots of dates, maybe a few a week; maybe, as I did on occasion, more than one a day. Thus today someone might want to meet up again, and tomorrow they may have met someone else and be unsure. Let things be for another week and they may feel differently again. A demanding message in the intervening period may just switch them off altogether. A temporary silence may just be uncertainty, but by not taking it too seriously in the very early stages, things may have a chance to get going. He too is now in a great relationship with someone he met online, someone who at first seemed not to be his 'type' at all.

Well, better news. Mr Monday Night has now been in touch so maybe I wasn't all that awful! Will see what happens now, I'll let you know.

Off out with a different man tomorrow ha ha!

OP, I highly recommend the book "have him at hello" by Rachel Greenwald. She had this idea of Interviewing blokes who did not want a second date, to get their honest opinions about why that was. It has some really interesting observations in it, and a lot of the women when it was conveyed back to them were totally unaware of how they had been perceived. It's American but the lessons are universal. Of course it's no help if you aren't meeting guys that YOU want to see again, but at least it helps maximize the chances with the ones you do. And she doesn't advocate that you act like someone you are not, or play games, it's all about remembering this person doesn't know you so making sure that you actually do portray yourself as you truly are, but much more subtle/ practical advice than just "be yourself". Can't recommend highly enough.

Also try "it's just a date" by Greg behrendt, the guy who wrote "he's just not that into you".

thanks for sharing the book tips and positive stories! relaxed def sounds good.

are you going on another date with Mr Monday Night westernwind? Hope the other date goes well tomorrow. I'm on a break but will give it another go when I'm less busy.

I sympathise with this thread.

I had 4 dates last year with guys I met online.

Of the 4, 1 asked at the end of the date if I'd like to meet up but I wasn't sure and was quite vague - then I went on holiday anyway and didn't contact him again. There was no spark with the other 3.

After a break, I met a gorgeous guy at the beginning of this year. At the end of the first date he arranged the second and he texted me to say what a lovely evening he'd had. We went out for 3 months and he was very full on in the beginning - much more so than I was but then he started going hot and cold on me. He was the coke addict I posted about a few months ago and it didn't end well! I was on the verge of falling for him bigtime and was very, very upset when it finished.

I did start talking to a guy online recently and we arranged to meet up but he cancelled just before because he'd met someone and didn't feel it was right to meet up with me.

And I'm seeing someone tonight who on paper sounds great for me but I don't think I'm going to fancy him. I'm already working out how to let him down gently (assuming, of course, that he is interested in me).

I'm very picky with who I meet up with and am getting even pickier now. I don't want to waste my time or theirs.

I'm getting fed up with it all too. What I don't like is having to deal with working out whether to see them again. I don't want to get hurt (though it's fine if I didn't fancy them anyway) and I don't want to hurt someone else by basically saying that I didn't fancy them!