Think new man is getting bored of me :-(

[NikitasSidekick]

I've posted about him on here before. Met from POF and have had 4 really lovely dates. We 'click'. Mutual physical attraction. We laugh a lot etc.

So last night was date 5 and he seemed different. He was hesitant to kiss me when we first met when usually it's the first thing he does. Maybe because we met in such a public area this time (busy main road, lots of drinkers around).
We go in to the pub and I go to sit in a cosy corner and he steers us away to a busy area and sits opposite me rather than next to me. Again, unusual.
He then starts going on about what a busy month August will be with work commitments, holiday with his kids, various weddings and "then I'm seeing you every week" - he said this as if it's a problem. He then added "Not that I mind that of course!" but it caused a bit of an awkward silence.

Later in the night we're sat in another pub and he's saying "If I did happen to meet someone ... " - we only said 3 days ago that we were going to give this a proper go, why is he still talking as if I'm 'not the one'? I don't expect marriage proposal but sometimes he talks as though he has no intention of us being an "item". BUT - then he starts telling me he'd told his mate about us which he only did as it was all going so well. He's not told anyone else as it seems too good to be true etc - so there he still sounds interested??

Later we went to see an acoustic show. Quite a long walk though, lots of banter and laughs but no hand holding - again unusual. We got in the venue and only after many more drinks did he grab my hand and start being all touchy/stroky etc. He didn't kiss me once all night except for at the end of the night when he kissed me goodbye.

I sent him a text when I got in to say what a lovely night I'd had and he replied "ok see you tomorow, good night x"

I have really fallen for this guy and I'm so frightened I'm going to get hurt here. We're supposed to be going to a festival today which lasts into the early hours of the morning and I have a feeling he's going to cancel on me.

He's such a headfuck though because we have all this but then he's saying about things he wants to take me to in September and referring to a camping trip we have planned for two weeks time.

What do you reckon is going on here??

See this is what I mean, we were supposed to be meeting there, now he wants to pick me up and go together! Bloody mixed signals constantly. I'm going to go and talk to him later. How do i do that in a non bunny boiler way?

Definitely don't go. You think he's a headfuck after 5 dates?! Why put yourself through more guessing games? I'd tell him you dislike the mixed signals and want to enjoy your day so will instead take a friend/sister

What is it about all these flaky men, described on mumsnet, always wanting to go on camping trips?!

I'd be pissed off now OP. I'd tell him I was too busy to make it today, sorry, no arguements, and then not contact him again. Let him run after you a little if he is keen. I remember when I was first dating DH and phoned him up one night. He told me he was eating his dinner and to phone back later. I took a huff, didn't phone back, and refused to take any of his (increasingly frequent) calls for 3 days. No arguements, but he always treated me well after that.

Just have a chat with relaxed body language. Say what you said in your OP more or less (that the pattern of his behaviour was noticeably different, couple of examples, and that it seemed he wasn't as keen as before) and say if things had changed for him, that it is fine you can accept that but you would rather know about it straight up than have to realise it bit by bit. Most (decent) guys I know would appreciate that approach. It frees him up to say, well actually...

If he is wishing he hadn't made so many 'promises' so early on but doesn't know how to backtrack it will be a relief for him not to have to dance about trying to extricate himself.

If he was just in a grump that night, he will be able to reassure and pleased to find he has a girl who isn't into mind games.

All the stuff of doing this or that to see what he does and then... dadidadidaa is a waste of time. If he can't tell you straight, then that in itself tells you he is going to be a pain, as someone who can't just be honest and thinks relationships are all about the front you put on or the story you tell are PITA.

Call me flaky, but if a chap I'd been on 4 dates with sat me down for a 'relaxed' chat about my 'patterns of behaviour', I'd be out of there like a shot and changing my phone number!

I stand by my previous post; if you're having to do this much analysis of his motives after 4 dates, it ain't working. Cut your losses and move on. When it's right, you won't need to think twice.

Yes because dress it up however you like this would be just another version of the "where is this going convo?". After four dates!!!

Please OP I have been where you are not more than three months ago. You have already messed up today by texting him so go if you want to, you will probably have your answer by the end of the day. But honestly just leave it. If he's interested he will chase you.

Call me flaky, but if a chap I'd been on 4 dates with sat me down for a 'relaxed' chat about my 'patterns of behaviour', I'd be out of there like a shot and changing my phone number!

true! when you put it like that! Maybe phrase it differently!

Look I'm afraid I don't think this is going to work out and I say this as someone who married her internet date.

However if you really want to find out then pull back a bit and see what happens. I would go out with him today as its already arranged but after that don't text or phone him, let him arrange the next date or not as he sees fit.

As above with geegee888 if he is into you then he will do some chasing and if he is not you have found out without having any embarassing conversations.

Do you want to go to the festival? Not on a date, but to the event itself?
If you're not bothered, cry off. Say you've stubbed your toe or something.
However, if you do want to go and you think it'll be a laugh, go and have fun. Pretend it's not a date. Pretend he's your mate and chat to other people, flirt with some men (or women, if you feel like it), listen to music, drink beer out of a paper cup and dance like a crazy person.
If something comes of the 'date', fine. If not, you've both had a nice day.

Ps. I'm really missing not going to a festival this year. Can you tell.

It's too early IMO to go in for a big 'where do I stand' chat. You're both still trying to figure each other out.

He may be losing interest or he may be holding back a bit, as people often do when dating. Or you could have got him on a bad day.

Try not to read too much into every text or action. Either way, if he has lost interest, you'll find out soon enough.

Good luck OP.

WOMAN'S DIARY:

Thursday 20th Sept

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him - thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.

I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in.

He hesitated but followed.

I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed.

I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.

He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.

He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.

Cried myself to sleep -I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.

MAN'S DIARY:

Thursday, 20th September

Man City Lost. Gutted. Got a shag though

Hey Nikitas, this would be the same guy who has had you posting a few threads in the last few days, re his droning on about his ex, your wondering about the camping trip, vasectomy vs condom, sti check etc.

You've fallen for him, hard, as you say, and sound quite anxious about what you ought to do.

He sounds like someone who doesn't know what he wants yet? and has just woken up to the fact that you are a real person, and have feelings for him.

To take a diversion?have you ever felt a huge desire for a man in your life (not just sex)? When someone hoves into the target zone, he can inadvertently take on a lot of significance. The big one! I've fallen so badly it must be right! (oh, um?just me then? )

A few months down the line, you can find yourself thinking: what.the heck.was I thinking of...!

My suggestion - try your hardest to turn down the heat. Act casually even if you don't feel that way. Give both of yourselves some space. Try, anyway

@ Columbiand

It's just clicked that this is the no-condom man from a previous thread. Seriously, the man is a loser. Dating should be fun, this man has given you nothing but stress.

Ah, no condom man.

Are you that desperate and needy????

Sorry, this is going to sound harsh but is well meant.

I don't think you're cut out for Internet dating atm if you are agonising this much about someone you've met five times.

Take a break for now at least.

I haven't read the other threads but he sounds like a bit of a headfuck.

I think it's ok to feel a bit uncertain & unsure in the early days (there's a line in a Lily Allen song which says something about there being 'just the right amount of awkward' which sums up those first few weeks for me!) thats to be expected, but not to this extent.

This should be the stage where you're having fun, getting to know each other etc, it shouldn't feel like hard work.

OP, you definitely do not sound ready for this. Take some time to think about what you deserve, which is consideration and respect at the very least. It should NOT be this much hard work!
It's rarely possible to meet anyone worthwhile -and make a decent go of it- if you have low self-esteem. So it's worth being on your own for a bit.
Speaking from experience, if you care not happy with your own company, then you're not ready for dating.

Maybe he thinks you're cooling off on him so he is trying to be all casual?

From what the OP has said, why on earth would he think she was cooling off on him? Texted him last night to say she'd had a great time (despite him giving mixed signals); texted him this morning to check they're still on for today because he hadn't contacted her by 11am....

How's the day gone OP?

He's not s manc/n cheshire is he? Sounds incredibly like someone I 'dated'. If so you can PM me