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Original poster

Think new man is getting bored of me :-(

72 replies

NikitasSidekick · 04/08/2012 08:21

I've posted about him on here before. Met from POF and have had 4 really lovely dates. We 'click'. Mutual physical attraction. We laugh a lot etc.

So last night was date 5 and he seemed different. He was hesitant to kiss me when we first met when usually it's the first thing he does. Maybe because we met in such a public area this time (busy main road, lots of drinkers around).
We go in to the pub and I go to sit in a cosy corner and he steers us away to a busy area and sits opposite me rather than next to me. Again, unusual.
He then starts going on about what a busy month August will be with work commitments, holiday with his kids, various weddings and "then I'm seeing you every week" - he said this as if it's a problem. He then added "Not that I mind that of course!" but it caused a bit of an awkward silence.

Later in the night we're sat in another pub and he's saying "If I did happen to meet someone ... " - we only said 3 days ago that we were going to give this a proper go, why is he still talking as if I'm 'not the one'? I don't expect marriage proposal but sometimes he talks as though he has no intention of us being an "item". BUT - then he starts telling me he'd told his mate about us which he only did as it was all going so well. He's not told anyone else as it seems too good to be true etc - so there he still sounds interested??

Later we went to see an acoustic show. Quite a long walk though, lots of banter and laughs but no hand holding - again unusual. We got in the venue and only after many more drinks did he grab my hand and start being all touchy/stroky etc. He didn't kiss me once all night except for at the end of the night when he kissed me goodbye.

I sent him a text when I got in to say what a lovely night I'd had and he replied "ok see you tomorow, good night x"

I have really fallen for this guy and I'm so frightened I'm going to get hurt here. We're supposed to be going to a festival today which lasts into the early hours of the morning and I have a feeling he's going to cancel on me.

He's such a headfuck though because we have all this but then he's saying about things he wants to take me to in September and referring to a camping trip we have planned for two weeks time.

What do you reckon is going on here??

OP posts:
piratecat · 04/08/2012 10:32

if you have sensed a change, and he is behaving differently i'd say he has POF'd and met someone op.

Stick with your instinct. You haven't changed your behaviour, you had 4 great dates, and talked about what yu want, now he's gone a bit cold. He shuold have been all over you like before.

I think he's met someone else, and if he hasn't already is planning to meet her.

Original poster
NikitasSidekick · 04/08/2012 10:42

Well still not heard from him today. We're supposed to be meeting at 1pm. If I don't hear from him by 11.30 ill make alternative arrangements. Not sure I'm cut out for this internet dating lark - too much other stuff going on to be getting all stressed out about things like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
NikitasSidekick · 04/08/2012 10:44

I did actually agree to the camping trip too. Got babysitter arranged and everything :-(

OP posts:
Xales · 04/08/2012 10:45

Bottom line is 5 dates in no man should be making you feel like this.

2012OlympicOdyssee · 04/08/2012 10:47

You have had "the talk", he knows he has pulled. So now he can be himself as he does not have to prove anything anymore. And you dont like what you see.

I would consider it my lucky escape!

Original poster
NikitasSidekick · 04/08/2012 10:53

Ok. Do I text him to ask if he's still going or leave him to text me? It is usually him left to make contact and if he isn't going, I'd rather know now. What should I do?

OP posts:
NoMoreWasabi · 04/08/2012 10:53

You could just, y'know just call him and say hi are we still on for today? Otherwise you'll make alternative plans but he will be expecting you.

BelleDameSansMerci · 04/08/2012 10:55

Why don't you just call him and ask him what's going on with the whole thing, mixed signals and all?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2012 10:56

Keep the babysitter but go out and have your hair done, do some shopping, go for lunch with friends if you can find someone to hook up with at short notice - or just go by yourself and do as you please.

I wouldn't give this guy any more opportunities to play around with you. He's definitely doing that and you're making allowances for him - far too many.

So sorry, OP, but he's not the last - or the best - you'll find. Back off completely and be a lot bit ellusive.

futureunknown · 04/08/2012 10:58

You need to contact him, in case he has slept in and is expecting you.

Original poster
NikitasSidekick · 04/08/2012 11:00

Ok I've text him "hi, are we still on for today?". I'll let you know his reply (if i get one)

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 04/08/2012 11:02

Why don't you just talk to him?

Original poster
NikitasSidekick · 04/08/2012 11:02

He replied straight away saying yes we're still on but he doesn't want to rush me so to let him know when I'm free to go. What do you reckon?

OP posts:
Ilovedaintynuts · 04/08/2012 11:04

Oh my love, he isn't interested. If he was he wouldn't risk you getting mixed signals, I can assure you.

Don't contact him again. Onwards and upwards.
Good luck.

maswera · 04/08/2012 11:04

Do what lauriefairycake said at the very beginning. Call him and tell him you have been getting mixed signals and YOU don't want to go unless it's sorted out.

You are letting him make you feel like this. Don't!

Pumpster · 04/08/2012 11:06

Oh I'd go, but with zero expectations?

akaemmafrost · 04/08/2012 11:07

Do you watch Mad Men OP?

I can't remember exactly how she put it but there is a character called Joan on there who said something like "when men are finished with you they disappear, but women always have to go after them looking for rejection". It wasn't exactly that but you get the gist.

Don't seek rejection. If he doesn't text/call you have your answer. I was dumped earlier this year. I knew he was losing interest but I had to HEAR it. Why? I should have just disappeared. I would have felt a lot better about it now rather than cringing when I remember my efforts to keep things going.

Moominsarescary · 04/08/2012 11:10

I'd go and see what happens

AtLeastThatsWhatYouSaid · 04/08/2012 11:11

Go, have fun but treat it like a date not as a day out with your future husband.

You need to calm down. Dating can be Shit at times with all the 'does he/doesn't he like me'.

Don't put all your eggs into one basket this early on.

Keep an open mind and your options open. Just have fun!

futureunknown · 04/08/2012 11:12

Mmmm not sure. That message does sound ambiguous, at the very least it isn't enthusuastic. I would go but with zero expectaions and just be friendly for the day. By the end of the day you should have enough evidence to know what is happening.

2012OlympicOdyssee · 04/08/2012 11:13

He has cooled off, and is not keen on you, but honoring your agreement.

Do you have somebody else you can go with?

2012OlympicOdyssee · 04/08/2012 11:14

I disagree about going.

You dont need a headfuck so early on. Dont you see, 5-6 dates in and you keep second guessing both you and him!

Just stay clear.

iknowwho · 04/08/2012 11:14

Why don't you cancel
Just say something else has cropped up and then leave the ball in his court re contacting you again and see what happens.

MadameOvary · 04/08/2012 11:16

Go, and tell him you don't think it's working out, and wish him well. Then walk away with your head held high. I'm doing the dating thing as well btw. You deserve better.

JennerOSity · 04/08/2012 11:18

Stop agonising and as someone said upthread, just ask him straight! Piecing together hints and clues is pointless. Just ask him, not in a just in a "looks like this a change of direction, let me know so I can see where I'm heading way". Cool in control and cut to the chase. Job done, then you know from the horses mouth