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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Flirty man at work has ignored my facebook friendship request.

34 replies

toptramp · 01/08/2012 21:55

Just that really. He has been making eyes and even came up to me in a nightclub plus a lot of chemistry and shy smiles. I have caught him staring at me on more than one occasion.

I thought I would find him on facebook and ask him to be my friend over 2 weeks ago but no luck. Is he

a. In a relationship?
b. Not actually into me at all and I have been reading the signals wrong?
c. Freaked out as he thinks I'm a psycho stalker
d. Away on holiday.
e. All of the above?

He is friends with some of my other colleagues (including female colleagues)so even if he isn't interested in me at all like that he could aceept my request just as a friend. We do get on. Unless he in fact hates my guts. He does dosn't he?

I am looking for other options in the romance department but i can't help feeling a bit hurt.

OP posts:

Ismeyes · 01/08/2012 21:58

Has he been active on Facebook during that time?

Original poster

toptramp · 01/08/2012 22:00

No idea. Can I check it? I am trying to avoid crossing over into serious stalker territory!

OP posts:

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 01/08/2012 22:02

He might barely use it. My dp only checks each few months. I don't think there is a way to check if his profile is private?

Not sure!

emsyj · 01/08/2012 22:04

If he was available and interested in you, he would have asked you out. He doesn't sound shy. And anyway, men aren't really shy when they meet someone they really want to go out with (at least, not in my experience).

I think it was a mistake to add him as a friend. He possibly has flirted with you for fun but with no intentions of it going any further, and doesn't want to encourage you by accepting your friend request - or possibly he's in a relationship and doesn't want to have to explain who you are to his partner.

He may not have been on Facebook - but I think that's fairly unlikely, given that most people get e-mail alerts for friend requests. You can turn off that function I think, but why would you? Unless you get 3,000 requests a day, which I can't imagine applies to many people.

I would forget it for the moment. Either he will approach you and ask you to go out or he won't. If he's not making a move to get a date, there will be a reason.

Original poster

toptramp · 01/08/2012 22:07

I am going to forget him I think. Keep work and pleasure seperate. He is great eye candy though. I don't think it was a mistake adding him. It's fairly normal and at least I know now. I can't sit around all day waiting for them to chase me and now I have got the signal to back off I shall.

OP posts:

Original poster

toptramp · 01/08/2012 22:21

I am a bit gutted because everyone who I fancy is either in a relationship, not interested or hates me! Oh the lure of the unavaidable man!

OP posts:

emsyj · 01/08/2012 22:30

Maybe you need to just meet more men? When I wanted to meet someone, I joined a local sports club. I didn't enjoy the sport much, but it did the trick and I met DH (who got my number from someone else at the club and pursued me for ages til I finally gave in and went out with him - and here we are 10 years later!)

If you meet more men, you're bound to get more offers and then your confidence will grow and even more will want to get to know you - like a virtuous circle. Have a look at some social events or clubs you could join in with. Or maybe even think about internet dating? I know a number of people who've found their husbands this way. It's just another way of meeting people.

geegee888 · 01/08/2012 23:28

Sounds like the species known as the Timewaster.

Pommymumof3 · 02/08/2012 09:02

Uuurrggh , that's awkward! I'd just leave it now and carry on with life as normal. Sounds like he may be a bit of a player to me

Offred · 02/08/2012 09:08

Men aren't shy? silly thing to say!!!

My DH is very shy with women he fancies, he only managed to get over the shyness because I wore him down with months of stalking on fb because he wanted me a lot and had been alone a long time

Who knows why he hasn't added you. He probably will at some stage, plenty of people hardly ever go on fb but have accounts. Just bide your time and try not to interpret it as anything.

CogitoErgOlympics · 02/08/2012 09:19

You work with him which presumably means you see him most days. Why do you need him to be a facebook friend, exactly? If you're interested & want to know if he is interested, here's a thought. Go up to him in person and see if he'd like to go out for a drink. Bit old-fashioned and you might get rejected but it's better than all this futile mooning about like a lovesick moose.

nkf · 02/08/2012 09:20

Why do you need facebook if you see him at work and in night clubs?

Offred · 02/08/2012 09:36

cogito...

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 02/08/2012 09:47

It seems a perfectly reasonable thing to do send him a Facebook request especially as he is friends with other colleagues.

It's hard going op I felt the same was single for donkeys years before Met my dp (through work!)

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 02/08/2012 09:49

I don't know I'd I would outright ask out a work colleague to be honest, I'd be a little more sneaky. It's ok if he says no and you never have to see him again but with a work colleague you do!

No not for me. I'd be doing things on the sneak and mooning like you.

Tool months to get together with my dp through work.

CogitoErgOlympics · 02/08/2012 10:46

"Faint heart never won fair lady gentleman"

Beckamaw · 02/08/2012 10:50

In my experience, men who avoid accepting friend requests are a waste of time.
There are probably things that he doesn't want you to know!

Original poster

toptramp · 02/08/2012 13:00

arf at lovesick moose! Ok I am mooning but he is sex on legs. Sooooo fit! It would be rude not to perv and when he came up to me in the nightclub I was beyond excited. He was on a stag doo with his mates and I was wasted so we didn't snog but had a lovely chat.
There is something there but I suspect he has a girlfriend. Oh well. I met a lovely man yesterday who also has a gf. They all do!

Trouble is when I like someone nit takes me ages to stop stalking likeing them.

OP posts:

Original poster

toptramp · 02/08/2012 13:02

Also I cannot be arsed with dating properly atm as I am going on holiday with dd. I would rather be single than with someone who didn't really make me go weak at the knees.

OP posts:

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 02/08/2012 13:09

Cogito:

"Dont Pork the Payroll"

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 02/08/2012 13:11

Yeah sounds like you will have to move on toptramp. Keep a scrap book about him under the bed and hope that his girlfriend moves to new zealand or something.

CogitoErgOlympics · 02/08/2012 13:13

Who says 'pork'?... ask him out for a coffee or something.

foxinsocks · 02/08/2012 13:19

lololol

this has made me chuckle

is the sort of thing I would have agonised about around 20 years ago (if the internet had existed then lol)

just go to another nightclub with him and err get it over and done with?

Bluesue26 · 02/08/2012 15:05

There's a GF/DP/DW. He won't add you because he wants to keep this flirtation going and he knows you'll back off if you know he's attached.

KatieisScarlettinSpandex · 02/08/2012 15:13

I can go weeks without checking FB.

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