New relationship - ALWAYS wear a condom?

[NikitasSidekick]

First time with a new guy - say if you'd known him about two months and you knew he'd had a vasectomy - married previously for 17 years - would you still insist on a condom?

Not a real situation for me yet - I'm just curious.

Yes - I don't want to sleep in the wet patch thankyou very much!

Yes. STIs. The most unlikely of men can be riddled.

Yes, until you both get a clear sti test.

So when would you move from condoms to just relying on the vasectomy? what would change?

Crossed post.

Has anyone actually asked a man to get himself tested? I can't imagine doing that lol

When there had been a clear STI test. No glove, no love etc!

I made my husband when we first met. I was just honest - I got tested regularly and confidently told him how it was!

Absolutely use a condom. Sex without once sti check on you both has come back clear and also a sa to check his count is zero.

yes. Pregnancy is the least of your worries!

Gonorrhea
Chlamydia
Syphilis is apparently on the up too!
and HIV, astonishingly!

I think people are forgetting about STDs again.

move on once you've both been tested!

There are some things it is not worth taking a chance over.

And, tbh, if you can't have a frank sexual health discussion with someone - you have to ask yourself if you should be sleeping with them!

ok so when would you bring this conversation up?

I've not slept with this guy at all yet - not even come close. However there is talk of us going further afield to watch a band in a month or so and staying over the night. Made me realise I'd not even thought about all this. My sexual experience is rather limited

So would I just take condoms and tell him it has to be done until we're both checked or bring it up before the situation even arises?

Take the condoms. If he says anything, then you just say until he's been tested, this is how it is. Will also be the measure of if he's a tosspot or not.

tbh, it really is better to do it beforehand. Although that's going to be a bloody hard conversation to have!

I suppose an alternative would be to use condoms in the early days and then, if the relationship is getting serious, then have the STD talk.

but there are things you can catch even with a condom. Crabs. Herpes...

and then there's do you use a condom for oral sex?

If he's a decent type he will be happy to use one with no explanation if things just develop.

Then if he suggests not using one when you're both fully dressed you can suggest both going for sti tests.

oh god, not even thought about oral.

It's so difficult, we're both quite shy and I can't imagine either of us wanting to initiate this conversation. Ridiculous I know!

I think you should bring it up before you get into a situation where you have to get them out when you are both good to go.

Definitely until you have both had an STI test.

O hell yes. Pregnancy is far down the list of worries- the STIs are what you want to watch out for. i cannot tell you the number of men I've heard of who claim to be infertile or to have had the snip, when the reality is they just don't like condoms. No glove, no love

Yes.
If I had known him for a year, he hadn't had sex with anyone else in that period and he had a clean std screening I would maybe go without.
Take the condoms, insist on using them. Don't go without until you are sure the relationship is monogamous (or as sure as you can be).

Yes condom.

Like someone else said, it's a good test to find out I he's a tosspot.

Just have one on you and get it out when you are ready. IME he'll be so thrilled that sex is imminent he'll put it on without complaint.

Condom.

Don't die of ignorance.

if he has any sense he'll feel the same, STD's aren't a one way thing, men can catch std's from women too

Yes! Always a condom until you know you are both clean.

Take them just in case but if he is a decent bloke then he should have some anyway.

I have had unprotected sex with three men - DH and two exes who were long-term boyfriends (I was on the pill). I made all three of them get full STI screens before the gloves came off, and I did too. Wouldn't dream of sleeping with a man who refused to do so, either.

After six months or so I would expect to be in a place where the conversation about the checks would be easy enough to have.

Another yes for the condoms.
It's fab you don't have to worry about pregnancy later on but for now the little rubber raincoat is a definite yes until STI's are checked and ruled out.

Sorry but even if I'd known a guy for a long time and knew he hadn't had a relationship with anyone for a while and he showed me results from a previous test, I still wouldn't take for granted that he'd never had a fling/1 night stand.
If he's visiting my lady garden then it's condom's until a new test is done, If he doesn't like it then access is denied, simple :)