I have posted about my ex h before, under name of blinkey blonk. It has been a hard 6 yr relationship, with two lovely ds to show for it, and an annihilation of my own sense of self.I have given a lot to this man, supported him around immigration issues and begrudgingly put up with his substance use and excuses for not working properly or legitimately. Of course he has had his good sides and qualities but also has some very worrying attitudes as well as victim mentality and either loves or hates me.out relationship has been so on and of for last two years, with him threatening divorce ten minutes before my waters broke with second ds, and leaving, albeit for a few days when he was just 2 Weeks old..then 4 months old, so on and on.a couple of months ago I filed for divorce.he has messed around with contact with the boys and makes it all on his terms, given me hardly any money to support in last few months...but still wants us back as a family.as he is on benefits, he gets legal aid and has a jugular focused solicitor writing me essays about ex having boys at his for whole weekends...really, in the cannabis bedsits he lives in.he has again painted self as victim and says if I try and involve any other external services, especially social services, he will claim I am unfit to have boys..have been suffering with depression.there is a lot more I could say about him but said too much in previous thread and panicked and had it deleted.but knowing all I do,I am mainly the one who initiates contact and basically wants him tochange, understand..reform I guess.and each time I let him in I lose a bit more of my ability to cope as single mum.why do I keep doing this, any ideas?