Please give me an acceptable reason for this

[reignoffire]

About 18 months ago, I found about 20 photos of my DH's penis, on the camera, in various states, some erect, some not erect. There were no photos of his face, just his 'bits'.

They were taken when I was 7 months pregnant with our first DC.

When I confronted him about them, he said he'd taken them to send me, while I was in hospital having our baby (although the photos were dated a couple of months before). I never received these photos.

I've never forgotten them, but so much has happened since (and if you recognise me, please don't out me), that the photos have seemed so trivial in the scheme of things.

I was thinking about them again (I've never really accepted his excuse), and went to some sex dating sites. I put his email address in the forgotten form, and no results - so relaxed.

I've just stumbled across XHamster.com (via some photos), and put his email in the forgot password form there - lo and behold he has an account. I checked with mine, and it doesn't recognise it, so he must have an account there.

Looking at it, it seems harmless, just porn. But to look at the porn, you don't need an account - you only need that if you are looking for a sex partner. Looking through some of the profiles, there are a lot of 'penis' shots, exactly the style of his ones.

He is obviously going to know that I'm the one who asked for his password, and I know he will brush it under the carpet. I don't know what to say, and really want to check that there are no reasonable explanations to this?

I dont think theres an "acceptable" reason for this. Im sorry.

It doesnt necessarily mean he has cheated in real life though. Maybe its an online thing. Thats really up to you to decide if online sex etc is cheating.

Im sorry I cant give a more positive suggestion.

Sorry, I agree. No acceptable reason, and I wouldn't waste your time trying to find one.

You need to have a talk to him about this. And don't feel guilty about asking for his password, you've done nothing wrong. So sorry again.

Men are known for sending penis shots to women on online dating/find a fuck buddy sites. Even on the sites like match, ie more geared to relationships, I have a friend who received several of these as an 'introduction' from guys. She'd have preferred to see his face before his dick, but hey ho...

I can't think of an acceptable reason. I'm sorry too. Agree he may not have met anyone in person.

Either he has cheated or is intending to cheat

I don't know anything about that site, but some sites allow you to see when a poster has last logged on to the site.

Is this one such site? If so, why not join it yourself and have a gander? Of course, all long terms ones might be lumped together as a "last active over a month ago" or something, but if you get a result saying, say, yesterday, you'll know.

The only innocent explanation for taking photos of one's own penis - and I really racked my brain - is if one was seeking medical advice for a condition one was too embarrassed to talk about face to face. But that seems unlikely.

I remember your previous threads (but not your old name so don't panic) and seriously you need to stop listening to his bullshit. He's a liar and a cheat and he keeps messing with your head to get himself out of trouble. Please see him for what he is and get shot. You are soooo much better than this and deserve a happy life without all this crap.

Thanks. There are only a few in people in the town we live, and one of them signed up when the photos were taken. I can't see the photos for some reason (says I have to befriend him, and now he knows I'm onto him I doubt he'd accept).

He made me so paranoid about those photos, so damned stupid :(

I'm not sure whether he'd have registered in out town (unlikely), but there are so many places I have no idea how to find him.

I'm a bit stupid, as I did the same to Facebook last night. He deactivated his Facebook account ages ago, for some reason last night I put his email into the search bar, and found another account (not his name). I knew he set up a fake account for the reasons of boosting a game he played on there, but assumed he'd deactivated that account too. It's all private, so I can't see who is friends are even. He knew I'd found it, and was angry, telling me he never logs in, so what does it matter? I just don't get why not delete it then?

Thanks all - I guessed it wasn't great. Thing is if he'd been honest I'd probably have accepted it.

I smell fishiness aplenty.

Why on earth would you want pics of his cock whilst you were in hospital after having given birth?
He sounds like a knobhead. And a cheat.

I am very sorry.

If it feels wrong, it probably is.
My ex had started taking pictures of his penis to send to lucky ladies when he was trying to be unfaithful.

Although I have never understood why men think that a floating penis is somehow sexy (although I may be in a minority in finding such things more comedic than erotic).

OP - you have posted about this quite a few times, haven't you? I seem to remember that he has behaved horribly in many other ways too :(

Oh FFS stop posting threads about this wanker, asking for advice and doing NOTHING about it. You're wasting people's time. No-one in their right mind is going to give you an excuse to stay with this horrible man and if you do find some hand-maiden poster who tells you there might be a valid reason for a man having pictures of his cock ready to send then what about the rest of the stuff you miss out on nearly every new thread?

I don't know your history but i can't think of a harmless explanation at all.

And if it was the other way around i doubt he could too. I'm sorry.

LovesPeace I've never understood the appeal of a willy either, not at all.

Mooncup Yes & yes. This is the first time I've found evidence that the photos may have been used though. Just finding them was not proof that he'd sent them to anyone (even though I thought he must have). Finding out he definitely has/had an account on this site, seems to provide more proof. But (as usual) I'm sure he'll make out I'm a mad, paranoid bitch.

I know that the (odd) times we do have sex, it's never spontaneous, he always has to go outside and look at his laptop first. He says that he fancies me, yet I've thought for ages that he has to 'look' at something else to get horny. And it's so occasional anyway.

I can't access his laptop, as it's fingerprint protected. When I've been suspicious before (after catching him looking at knickers on ebay and then not being able to get back to the page, looking at porn photos by accident etc), he's refused to let me see his history. Maybe I'm in the wrong, but my laptop is open, as I've nothing to hide.

OP, you've posted about this a number of times, haven't you? Each time every single person has said that this man is dodgy. Either he's trying to sleep with women or he is.

Why have you done nothing about it?

Why are you still with him, OP?

You are saying that you don't trust him, you have good reason not to trust him, you can't raise your doubts because he will belittle and dismiss you or worse but you can't find actual proof.

At this point what difference does proof make?

Does it make his behaviour, which on every level is objectionable and demonstrates contempt for you, acceptable?

No.

Massive red flags here op....

Come on, wise up.

OP, you are torturing yourself trying to find a valid reason for his behaviour. Surely you must experience some feelings of relief at the thought of getting this crap out of your life? Why do you believe you are only worth this kind of treatment? I know it's painful, but at least if you kick him out there's an end in sight to all the suffering

You are desperate to find an excuse for this behaviour and there is none. He has cheated or he intends to cheat. Does it matter whether he was successful or not? He fingerprint protects his laptop??? He accuses you of being paranoid but won't open up, he gets angry if you question him? He will wreck your mental health. You do not need this. You will be so much happier if you leave the cheating bastard.

This site isn't just a porn site. It's a fuck, meet up, swinging, anything for site. Disguised as a porn site. Known for being so as well. So no it doesn't look good.

Do you know is username on it? If so, one of us could make an account and add him?

It sounds like you need definitive proof.

Dear Lord, I should not have looked at that site, one of the videos on the main page is a woman expressing milk while using a vibrator.

YUCK! (Why don't we have a pukey emoticon?)

This site is basically like Facebook but for fucks. Literally the serial cheats go here, or the ones that are in open relationships, or after bringing someone else in.

I just happen to know this is one of the more popular sites for those people. They use the porn etc, to basically warm themselves up, before meeting other like minds off the site before fucking.

Don't ask me how I know, it's nothing to do with me or my dh, but I am aware of people who use this site sadly.