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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If a man chats to me and then puts his number through my door

30 replies

serengetty · 31/07/2012 15:30

And then I send him a text to say Hi, nice chatting to you, pop in for a cuppa and he turns up and says how much he likes me, but is living with a woman older than him in a relationship that has no sharing, sleeping together, going out together, and constantly arguing, what would be the sensible answer for me to give him when he declares he has fallen for me..........

OP posts:
Melindaaa · 31/07/2012 15:32

Tell him he's a nutter? How can he have fallen for you after two conversations and one cuppa?

fuzzysnout · 31/07/2012 15:33

"get lost you creep"

wfhmumoftwo · 31/07/2012 15:34

er, how about 'bog off you 2 timing git?'

Seriously, walk away as fast as you can. If he is really in that situation you do not want to get involved. Either tell him to come back when he's sorted that out or leave well alone.

BTW this sounds similar to a friend of mine whose story is pretty much the same - he did go away and leave his girlfriend (no kids), sorted it all out and 6 months later tracked down my friend, so it can happen!

If he is as miserable as he makes out why is he still in the relationship??

Auxey · 31/07/2012 15:34

tell him "bog off "
he hasn't fallen for you he's trying it on..where/how did you meet?

Original poster
serengetty · 31/07/2012 15:34

haha, the falling for me bit was about a week after the cuppa. I have no intention of becoming a mistress, just wondering if this situation is ever genuine, or if it's just a classic man after an affair.

OP posts:
BonnieBumble · 31/07/2012 15:35

He sounds odd. Run a mile. Tell him you are not interested.

HipHopSkipJumpomous · 31/07/2012 15:35

don't waste a further nano second on him - he's a chancer.

Auxey · 31/07/2012 15:36

Grin cross post wfhmumoftwo

Also want to add, that I asked about how you met because I had two relationships where we met in a kind of unusual way I felt swept off my feet by both of 'em and they were both lying cheating gits who were already with other women..

Original poster
serengetty · 31/07/2012 15:37

We met at a gig in my small town, he says he wants to be with me and finish relationship with her, but I'm too old in the tooth/cynical to believe that. I think it's right to tell him if he's unhappy, sort that out, and then get in touch.

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 31/07/2012 15:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Auxey · 31/07/2012 15:37

classic man after an affair see my previous post...don't fall for his flattery.(although I'm sure you're very fallable for, he hasn't yet and he's lying)

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 31/07/2012 15:37

Tell him to get lost!

bringbacksideburns · 31/07/2012 15:38

Shut the door on your way out?

Auxey · 31/07/2012 15:38

so I wonder why he didn't ask for your number when you were at the gig, instead of going all stealthy on you?

IvanaNap · 31/07/2012 15:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

crazygracieuk · 31/07/2012 15:40

Sounds like 50 shades of grey.
Run!!

HipHopSkipJumpomous · 31/07/2012 15:42

I think it's right to tell him if he's unhappy, sort that out, and then get in touch.

Exactly. What do these chaps think they are doing - if you are unhappy sort your shit out man! Then you'll make some room in your life to meet someone else!!

Original poster
serengetty · 31/07/2012 15:43

Oh, god, I hadn't thought of that terrible book!!

OP posts:
NotLikeThatYouWont · 31/07/2012 15:44

I'm assuming you showed him or told him where your house was, before he dropped round the note? Because if he didn't, that is creepy, possibly scary.

But even if he did have a good reason for knowing where you live, I'd still tell him to get lost. 1) far too much baggage 2) laying it on much too thick far too soon. Both are red flags for me. It doesn't really matter whether he's after an affair or would properly finish with this woman - bad signals all round.

Original poster
serengetty · 31/07/2012 15:44

And thankyou for sensible advice. I seem to attract this sort of man and I want it to STOP.

OP posts:
Original poster
serengetty · 31/07/2012 15:46

He knew where I lived because he knows my neighbours. It is all a bit kerrazy.

OP posts:
TeiTetua · 31/07/2012 15:52

If you want to be polite, you can say "I appreciate the compliment to my charms, but you're in no position to be looking for new relationships."

If you don't care to be polite, there are lots of ways to get your point across.

madoldbird · 31/07/2012 15:54

Can i just say I am slightly disappointed, as all I saw of the thread title in most active was "if a man chats to me and then puts his..." Grin

On a serious note, tell him to get lost!

CogitoErgOlympics · 31/07/2012 15:55

"is living with a woman older than him in a relationship that has no sharing, sleeping together, going out together, and constantly arguing"

According to whom? Him?.... The 'my wife doesn't understand me' chestnut is as old as the hills. I'd have to kick him in the nuts just for being unoriginal...

dlady · 31/07/2012 15:55

I met my dh when he was still in a relationship. He told me the relationship was on the way out and my gut instinct was to believe him. I kind of knew him from work and his reputation was a nice guy. The relationship did end and we have been happy together for nearly 20 years, married for 15. My gut instinct proved me right. although he does drive me mad, 15 years of marriage does that LOL

OP, I think you have already answered your question, and you want to wait until he sorts his home life out. They're not all cheating, lying bas*ds, some blokes are genuine. :)