fucking cunting bastards. anyone about?

[VicarGoingForGoldInKungFu]

old thread

brother.

just logged on to facebook and there he is again like a bad penny....has messaged me asking for forgiveness and asking for "us to be adults" and saying i would now be proud of him.....

also got a friend request.

i have not yet finished counselling - ive got another session in August but i think then i only have one more after that.

why cant they just fuck off to the far side of fuck and leave me the fuck alone?

Vicar, I haven't read your whole other thread, but I have read other threads at you have started, and been on.

You are such a lovely person. You are so caring in your profession. You have a lot going on in your family, with your son.

This is too much!

Just block him.

Vicar, my love, you can do this! You are such a strong, caring and compassionate person.

You know that this is pretty much harassment. What would you tell one of US to do in this situation?

PLEASE delete your FB account, set up a new one with a name they wouldn't know, set your privacy to maximum and only invite those you trust. Tell them NOT to tag you in any pictures.

Stay strong Vicar!

i realise that i have to take responsibility for this and for unblocking him when i had once blocked and forgotten about them....i had blocked him once when he first ever tried to contact me.
i unblocked him and thats when he we began some contact. its not worked and i know it never will. i know that. i have no illusions on that score.

i know i only hurt myself with this, there are pictures on his timeline of my mother cooking for him, and it hurts, but i cant seem to drag myself totally and utterly away.....and yet i know i cannot complain that it hurts if i just do nothing and carry on letting it hurt when i can stop it.

im waiting for DS to come home and im going to tell him to block both him and my mother. i cant physically seem to do it myself, but i can tell DS to do it for me. Im just waiting for him to come home.

for you Vicar.

Btw, if you fancy a coffee, I am at the hairdressers on Sat, I should be finished by lunchtime.

thanks bella, we are meant to be going to a bbq but thats not until later, though its an hours drive away - i could meet you in Howden for a coffee, still not sure whether or not im up for the bbq or not anyway....i might give it a miss tbh,.....i felt a bit obligated cos its a work thing but i might just make my excuses anyway,
when i have sorted my FB i will msg you on there - avoiding until ive got DS to sort it out for me but then ill go back on.
would be lovely to see you.

I will await to hear from you.

I haven't read all of your old thread, but I have read the last page, and you should read it again too, OP. remind yourself of what you said to yourself, about giving your brother a second chance and you can't afford a third. You gave yourself good advice so heed it now!

It's easy to block someone on FB, wouldn't it be better to see this thing through and finish it yourself?

To block someone:

Click the account menu at the top right of any Facebook page and choose Privacy Settings.
Scroll to the Blocked People and Apps section and click Manage Blocking.
Enter the name or email address of the person you want to block and click Block. People will not be notified when you block them.

If you can?t find someone using this method, try going to the person?s profile (timeline) and selecting Report/Block This Person from the dropdown.

If you still can?t block someone using the methods described above, it?s possible that this person left Facebook or restricted their privacy settings. You can still prevent them from viewing your profile (timeline) by adjusting your privacy settings.

i know, ive no intention of giving him another chance - no intention at all.
i talked to DH about whether or not i should answer his message at all - but ive concluded that i should not.

its not really very coherant anyway - talks about us being "1 all" so he clearly feels that telling me to fuck off was justified in some way - settling a score or something?? ive no idea and i dont want to know - and the horrible feeling that being in contact with him gave me was not worth it - i got nothing out of it and he just kept pressuring me to talk to my mother all the time.....

i just didnt know whether to reply and explain, or what.
i cant epxlain why i feel so odd about blocking him - i dont want contact - but just knowing he is there somehow made me feel better, yet i cant have that because he will clearly try to make contact again......plus it hurts when i see him talking about our mother, she seems to love him.
she doesnt love me.
i spend quite a bit of time in my home town now as my friend, who has always been a bit of a mother figure to me, has moved there, making me desperately home sick, but i miss her more than my town so i go back more often now.....im terrified im going to bump into them one day, or that if they cant reach me on FB they will turn up at my door.....

but i cant do naything about that. i need to deal with what i can actually deal with. i know that.
and that means blocking.
and forgetting.
having them constantly hanging over me, reminders on FB, none of it helps me.

ive done it.
ive blocked them both.

Brilliant, vicar
Well done. It will hurt, but remember you are not mourning a REAL thing, just what 'should have been'.

Stay strong and now it is time for something indulgent

Well done, Vic. You've struck off the last shackle that chained you to the past.

All you need to do now is put them and all of those childhood memories that caused you such pain into the trunk marked 'not wanted on voyage' and get on with your journey through life.

You're now free to reinvent your past, honey. Make it a good one.

Bloody good for you Vicar

cheers all, your words of encouragement mean a lot, i know ive done the right thing, and in the end, i did it, not DS, and it also didnt take weeks of agonising over it which i think is progress.....got the msg last night (or early hours of this morning) and within 24 hours i have not only resisted any urge to respond, but ive lost them for good on the internet anyway....

what happens next i will deal with as and when i come to it.

everyone.
and im sorry for the sweary title....i felt quite sweary last night.

feeling a little sad tongiht - not helped by the fact i am watching ER and the nurse with mother issues reconsiliates with her mother.....stupid i know.... i know! its fiction.

but im still feeling sad, i cant help my feelings with all of this.

i know what ive done is the right thing. i know that. but im still mourning what i feel like i should have i think....

Vicar I didn't need to read your old thread because, as soon as you mentioned 'brother' I remembered it... That's pretty telling. A random stranger is so affected by how horrible it all was that I can bloody remember it! You know you've done the right thing. I hope you are ok. You don't deserve any of that old crap.

And, you may be mourning what should have/could have been. I think that's quite a healthy thing?

Sit with it a while vicar, you need to mourn, that's totally normal... AND necessary!

You don't need to "help" your feelings Vicar don't be so hard on yourself.

You're perfectly entitled to mourn what you should have had, you were dealt a shitty shitty hand through no fault of your own.

Give yourself time, let yourself feel how you feel. Just because you made the right choice doesn't mean it was the easy choice.

Cutting them off again took a lot of inner strength, in time you'll see how proud of yourself you should feel.

it may be healthy, it just feels hard.

i went for a meal with friends last weekend, and they were talking about their parents, and their kids, and how their parents are with their kids.....

and i feel like an alien. a complete outsider. i will never know that. i will never have that relationship and nor will my children and it makes me sad....

i have a wonderful friend whom i think of as a mother figure and who thinks of me as a daughter figure - but its not the same - she has a son and she is different with her son (and rightly so.....as much as i want to be her DD im not!)

i feel so on the fringes of what is normal - when i go to social funtions, when i talk to friends, they all have parents.....their kids are spoilt by their grandparents.....
that is all totally alien to me.
im being self indulgent and whiney i know..... i know. i need to get a bit of a grip.

You don't need to get a grip you need to carry right on whining!

Get it out, rant, rave, cry whatever you feel like.

And stop bloody apologising for it

that is all totally alien to me You're not alone. It's totally alien to a lot of people and, given your job, you're going to meet more of them than most.

Look at it this way; you weren't destined to stay at their level and you weren't destined to accept second best. She was just the vehicle that got you to this planet and you have no need of it now.

As it happens, someone else hitched a ride after you but he was less equipped to deal with the onward journey.

You have come so very far, Vic, and you're almost there. Almost at the place where you feel validated for what you were always intended to be - purely and wholly yourself and owing nothing to anyone.

Celebrate your freedom. Don't waste time grieving over what might have been. It is what is and your life will be what you make it.

it feels really odd because ive not had any contact with my mother for 12 years now - but this feels very final.

my brother - i had no contact for 12 years until last year - but its wasnt right and he wasnt the person i thought he was or wanted him to be.....and it went wrong....but now i know that its hopeless. and ive blocked them both from facebook, but thats it. its final - my mother will die and i will have nothing to do with her ever again.

and thats hard. i will find out from a friend on FB when she dies. i will have no.thing to do with any funeral and i will not go.....this is the death knell right here right now....its weird. it feels so odd. i dont want anything to do with them. but it still hurts.

They've been dead to you for years. Bury 'em now, honey.

izzy - i know you are right. i know. i respect you so very much and you are a guru on this stuff......

i wish i could feel differently. and i know i will - within days i will be ok. i know i will.

izzy you really help me and i thank you for that.