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Relationships

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Original poster

Internet Dating

38 replies

sandy167 · 30/07/2012 15:26

When doing internet dating do you think its a good idea to use a web cam prior to meeting your date? Do you think you can gage any chemistry to know if you will get on in real life? Any thoughts on this?

OP posts:

MSAMummy · 30/07/2012 15:34

Internet dating seems a bit drawn out and crap. Lots of tension brought on needlessly by it.

Do what everyone does these days and meet up with them when your sozzled and see what you think of him in the morning!

Original poster

sandy167 · 30/07/2012 15:42

It seems to work for some though don't you think? Depends what your after i guess. I only date in the purpose to find a life partner not casual sex!

OP posts:

Notalone · 30/07/2012 17:19

I have been internet dating Sandy looking for a life partner. I am currently seeing someone I met online and we have tentatively agreed to give things a go. Before I met him I would not have chatted via webcam. Mainly because I am v unphotogenic (and that includes web cams) but also because I would worry that the person I was talking to would be expecting something sexual or some sort of flashing of body parts. The guy I am seeing I didn't fancy that much when first laying eyes on him. I now fancy the absolute pants off him but if I had chatted via webcam I may have not gone on the inital date as I may have ruled him out. I think sometimes peoples personalities don't come across via webcam very well and face to face is better to suss out chemistry

ImpatientOne · 30/07/2012 17:23

Personally no, I never did voice or video calls before I met DH - we chatted online/texted for 6 months before we met! (lived in different countries hence the very long wait)

We did exchange photos as then I could photoshop choose the best ones!

Original poster

sandy167 · 30/07/2012 18:03

How do you know though that the photo's are genuine and can you get them so you put the date they were taken on so people know they are definetley you? I don't think i would use a web cam with someone i knew never mind a stranger feels weird.

OP posts:

Hormonalhell · 30/07/2012 18:19

notalone i never fancy the guys i go on dates with from internet but am hoping one day i will . Did u just agree to go xon second date even tho no chemistry?

Notalone · 30/07/2012 18:50

I think its just a gamble really Sandy. My friend who is also on POF has met a couple of guys who did not resemble their photos at all. With one she said it wasn't even the same person and with the other the photo was at least a decade out of date

Hormonal - I thought he was just ok, but then he kissed me at the end of the date and completely blew me away. He just does it for me even though he is not strictly my type. Trouble is I am hooked now and am experiencing all the angst that goes with feeling insecure. I need to give myself a stern talking to I think cos I am feeling like a teenager which isn't cool at all

ben82 · 30/07/2012 18:56

What internet dating sites are good if you happen to be gay? I have tried Gaydar but that is more of a hook up site which is definetley NOT what i want. I am non scene and not at all into clubbing and am not stereotypically gay either. Any advice greatly appreciated.

Hormonalhell · 30/07/2012 19:33

Awwww its really sweet. U can usually tell if they like u by if they kiss you. If I'm not into themno way will i kiss them

HazleNutt · 30/07/2012 19:52

Yes, I always insisted that we talk on webcam before meeting. Photos can easily be a) not him, b) heavily photoshopped c) and/or taken 40 years and 50 kilos ago - a few times I didn't even recognize my dates, even though they had sent me their photos.

Oh and I met my absolutely lovely DH online.

ben82 · 30/07/2012 19:57

What site did you use HazleNutt?

ImpatientOne · 30/07/2012 20:13

We exchanged quite a lot of photos, of things that we had been doing etc so knew they were recent iyswim. Obviously there was an element of trust in this but I really didn't want to have even a phone call before we met so it was mostly my insistence. This was before camera phones were common, not sure if I would feel the same way now that we have FaceTime and video skyping is so common?..

IME all of the people that suggested webcams had a particular type of call in mind

We didn't actually meet via a dating site just an old fashioned random chat room. Not even one that is intended for romantic meets just completely random. It was the first time I had been in a chat room for about 8 years so obviously meant to be

I had met people from dating sites before but honestly was 'not looking' when I met DH

LittleSugaPlum · 30/07/2012 21:34

As i've met around 20 people in person on internet dating sites plentyoffish.com and girlsdateforfree. Plentyoffish being the best one for genuine people IME, i thought i would give you some tips.

Never spent months chatting to them before meeting them. (you may not connect when you meet, and then you ve wasted all that time on one person)

Always chat to several people at the same time, therefore if you get disappointed by one person, you then still have others in line and it wont bother you so much.

Never tell someone you plan to meet that youre talking to others. (They think you are only after fun, when in fact youre just not putting all your eggs into one basket)

Spent time talking to them on the phone first, that gives you a good idea of their communication skills and gives you a feel if you ll get on well or not.

Never travel miles to meet anyone, always get them to come to your area (unless u ve met them before)

If he doesnt pay for the first meal or wants to "go halves" then hes a no go-er!! Hes tight basically.

I always followed these rules, and im now married to someone i met on plentyoffish so i believe they work!

ben82 · 30/07/2012 22:06

That apply to men dating men too LittleSugaPlum :-) I have just signed up to Plenty of Fish so will see if it works. Is Plenty of Fish better than Match.com???

ImpatientOne · 30/07/2012 22:28

LittleSugaPlum looks like I broke all of your rules then

Maybe it just goes to prove that there really is no formula for getting it right

LittleSugaPlum · 31/07/2012 18:09

ben i ve never been on match.com, i think you have to pay on there, and i ve never paid for a dating site. However i think you might have abit of luck with a dating website that you have to pay for, as if people arent genuine, or not serious about meeting someone then they are hardly willing to shell out any money!

Notalone · 31/07/2012 18:42

Hormonal

I think Littlesugaplum "rules" are spot on actually. The guy I am seeing is only the 2nd internet date I ever had but I was talking to other people when we first met. I knocked the others on the head when I started having feelings for this man but if it hadn't worked out I would have had others to meet. Also people can be different face to face than over email. If they never wash and stink for example you would never know. Talking to someone for months seems like such a waste of time. I think meet and either move on or meet again. At least you know then. I didn't talk to this man over the phone first though so one rule broken, but we did text loads.

Ben - I am not sure but I think on POF you can search for same sex relationships. Worth checking out possibly?

LittleSugaPlum · 31/07/2012 22:29

I went on a date the day b4 i met my now husband, but was chatting to both men at the same time.

And obviously when you think it could go somewhere, they you knock all contact with the others on the head and delete your profile, but i would only do this when youre sure you really like them and the feeling is mutal.

Oh and one more rule ... never go to their house on the 2nd date, many men will ask you to go to theres or they come to yours instead of meeting somewhere on the 2nd date. This is a sign that they are thinking that they might get lucky, and although men want a woman to sleep with them very early on... they certainatly wont see you as "long term " or wife material etc and may think that youre easy.

I would only go to their house after 5 dates or so, as you can get agood feel if you would feel safe with them or not - thats if youre a good judge of character!

If you are chatting to serveral people at the same time, its handy to write things down in a notebook little things that they tell you, like their occupation, area they live, age, children and there , their profile name and phone number etc. As when you are talking to serveral people, you can get mixed up with who tells you what! And if you get mixed up, they know then that you are talking to others and will stop talking to you altogether.

Hormonalhell · 01/08/2012 21:15

The first date i went on from pof had a B.O problem n met me after work. He didnt even change his shirt and he stank !! He even mentioned his 'problem' too. Had to sit next to him in busy bar too

needless to say i didnt see him again - thing was he didnt know what he'd done wrong!!!

LittleSugaPlum · 03/08/2012 11:01

hormonal I would of just told him the problem, (im far too blunt for my own good sometimes) and would of suggested a good deodorant?

My DH has a BO smell to him under his arms, and after two dates, i told him (in a text) [embarrassed]. He had no idea of the problem, and nobody had ever mentioned it to him before. But he did say he had never worn deodorant (he was brought up that you shouldnt put chemicals on the body, it destroys your natural oils etc!)

However he sorted the problem straightaway and hasnt smelt since!

Numberlock · 03/08/2012 11:06

Is Plenty of Fish better than Match.com???

Yes definitely. I felt totally ripped off on Match.com. Hardly anone replies to messages and it turns out that this is because a lot of the profiles aren't active, eg people have just created a free profile to get a feel for the place and therefore can't respond to messages; or their membership has expired but the profile still appears in searches.

On POF at least there is lots of activity. However, as to how genuine any of the people are on there is a different matter. But I'm 44 and I find dating men in this age group a problem in general anyway, not limited to the internet.

As for web cam before meeting, I have never done this but think it's a good idea. Just a couple of minutes chat for you to see he is who he he says is he. Apart from that, you really have to meet in the real world to see if there's any 'spark'.

HazleNutt · 03/08/2012 12:41

ben, I used meetic.com, but it was some years ago now, not sure how good it is nowadays.

moomoo1967 · 03/08/2012 13:28

I have used POF, Girlsdateforfree, Lookitsme and several other free dating sites.
After one guy I met up with was definately not the person in the photo he sent me I preferred to see them on cam just so that I knew that they were genuine. But be careful asking them if they have a webcam they may think you have ulterior motives
I met my DP on GDFF

Numberlock · 03/08/2012 14:04

I would like to try Guardian Soul Mates but feel that £32 a month is taking the piss!

HazleNutt · 03/08/2012 14:09

oh yes moomoo, good tip. I was quite shocked when one guy turned the cam on, but it was definitely not his face he was showing me there. Unless he really had a funny mushroom-shaped head..

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