Friend always tells me to remind her of our meet ups

[toomuchcaffeineisbest]

I don't know how is best to handle it.

She has quite an active social life and has a diary as she is always going on about her diary and says she couldn't manage without it.

however, every single time we make arrangements she says 'Remind me, or I'll forget'. We have planned to go out later today and when she phoned to make the plans she said 'remind me, or I'll forget'. This time I'm not going to remind her. Why should I? She clearly doesn't think I'm worth noting about in her diary.

What do I do if she doesn't turn up today? What can I say to her next time she says it to me? I find it a bit insulting tbh

If you have done it uP to now, I would do it today, then when you actually meet, tell her you aren't going to do it again and she needs to put a reminder in her phone.

Or make your next meet up arrangement today and ask her to remind you - get in first!

Pah! I would have less than no time for this. I will not remind a friend that she's supposed to be meeting me. She's my friend and she's supposed to want to.

Can't be bothered remembering? Neither can I!

I think next time she suggests a meet up I'll decline or make excuses. Perhaps if I fob her off for a bit she might be a bit more appreciative when I do agree to meet up next.

Sorry but YABU & very oversensitive - maybe she has asked you to remind her for good reason - IE - she genuinely has a bad memory & her "hectic life" isn't going to help her to remember - nothing to do with you not meaning enough to her - just that she genuinely needs your help to remind her & is close enough to you to be honest about that - if anything its a compliment - & I say that as a person with a now medically crap memory who needs a reminder, but in the past had the sort of manic life your friend has, so I speak from experience

She hasn't got a crap memory though; as I said, she has a diary. She remembers meet ups with others easily enough. She is the kind of person who thinks the world revolves around her

Oh and I didn't ask if I was being unreasonable, I asked for advice on how to deal with her.

Just don't. That's my advice. Make the date and stick to it, unless plans have to change.
If she can't live without her diary, she should use it.

If she doesn't show, text and ask ?
If she says 'you didn't remind me!' reply 'I thought you couldn't live without your diary?'

What can she say to that? 'I didn't put you in my diary'

Gee. Thanks.

Then you'll know not to go to any effort in the future.

Never make someone a priority, if they'll only ever make you an option.

I would "forget" to remind her :)

but on second thoughts it depends how far in advance you make plans. I always text friends before an arranged meeting to say "still on for tonight?" or whatever.

IME people who say this probably find it very difficult to say 'no'

asking you (or anyone else, it's not a personal insult) to remind them puts the onus back onto you to make the decision to meet up

it can be a sign of low self esteem too, like they want YOU to make the move to want to see them, it validates their friendship and makes them feel wanted so they can deny their own needs.

I would be insulted to be honest, if a friend of mine forgot to meet up with me I'd be a bit gutted!

The casual arrangement that we all have of checking plans just before the event is normal and fine. I do that - and also those same people check with me too...it's all reciprocal.

If however, my friend makes a point of having a hectic life, swears worship to her diary, and then tells me she needs me to remind her of arrangements we have made, as a matter of course, then I'm going to assume she's not too arsed.

OP - as a consolation, she is probably like this with a lot of people. I know you say she doesn't seem to be - but I bet she is. This is not personal most likely...but it still isn't very nice.

You either have to strike her off the friends list - or (what I would do) put the same amount of no effort back in, and let it be a casual pleasantry that you hold no weight by. Don't go out of your way for her, that's all.

Oh and I didn't ask if I was being unreasonable, I asked for advice on how to deal with her

Unless you have more reasons than your OP to be annoyed with her & you are really not interested in continuing the friendship with her - you deal with her by being less oversensitive

Pictish, she is the kind of person who thinks the world revolves around her. She is often late, everything has to be on her terms, when I've phoned her in the past she has expected me to wait on her landline whilst she answers a call on her mobile phone and chats for 10 minutes or so.

If she was genuinely a scatter brain then I wouldn't mind reminding her, it's the way she has this diary out all the time, for example she always takes it to the school gates each day in case anyone wants to arrange for her DD to go round to their house, yet she doesn't deem me important enough to note in it.

Well there's your answer then. It's like I say - never make someone a priority, if they'll only ever make you an option.

If you like her and she's good company (when you are graced with her presence) then all well and good. Enjoy her for that alone - don't read any great shakes into it.

She's not fussed, why should you be?

Wise words :-)

Thank you everyone. I'm not going to remind her about today. There is another friend coming too, who definitely won't forget, so we will just meet, have a nice afternoon and if the other friend doesn't come it'll be her loss

okay, so there is more to it

If she was genuinely a scatter brain then I wouldn't mind reminding her, it's the way she has this diary out all the time, for example she always takes it to the school gates each day in case anyone wants to arrange for her DD to go round to their house

To me that makes her sound pretty insecure & making a "show" of how important she is - which though sad really, can be a first class PITA - it may also be because she feels inferior to YOU & therefore makes more of a show to you IYSWIM

yet she doesn't deem me important enough to note in it

I wouldn't take it personally, but it DOES sound as if she is getting on your nerves big time & that you need to sit down & think about what you DO actually gain from this friendship - if the answer is not much, then maybe its time to let it die a natural death & yes I agree with not reminding her - though she may well not genuinely NEED the reminder, its just something she says to look/feel important & will turn up anyway, so you might need to make yourself "unavailable"

good luck with deciding

Sorry X post - MN went down here

Just text her and say "still ok for today?"
Takes 2 minutes.
I do this with all my friends - just in case I have written it down wrong or they have.
How do you know she doesn't say this to everyone?

Don't you think she says "remind me or I'll forget" to everyone though? Bit OOT and PITA but not a personal slur towards you.

Or do you genuinely this that you are the only person she says that to????

OTT (not OOT)

I hate it when people ask me to remind them of things, like it is 1950 and I am their secretary! DH used to do this, till the worm turned...
However, I do text people (as do they me) if the arrangement has been made a long way ahead.

She's not like it with everyone. She writes other things in her diary. Why should she be reminded of everything when the rest of us have to remember things ourselves? I find it quite an insult that she assumes she'll forget she's arranged to meet with me.

In that case next time she says it I'd simply reply "Put it in your diary, like you do everything else. I'll see you there".

Haha I like that response HipHop