Friend always tells me to remind her of our meet ups

[toomuchcaffeineisbest]

I don't know how is best to handle it.

She has quite an active social life and has a diary as she is always going on about her diary and says she couldn't manage without it.

however, every single time we make arrangements she says 'Remind me, or I'll forget'. We have planned to go out later today and when she phoned to make the plans she said 'remind me, or I'll forget'. This time I'm not going to remind her. Why should I? She clearly doesn't think I'm worth noting about in her diary.

What do I do if she doesn't turn up today? What can I say to her next time she says it to me? I find it a bit insulting tbh

Or when she says remind me
say
"ok but remind me to remind you or I will forget too and we'll never see each other again!!"

Love that response from Hip Hop - that is exactly right.

LOL @ Kaluki

I think I'll just turn up later and take it from there. And then next time she suggests meeting I'll use HipHop's suggestion.

Just to add, when we talk on the phone and she expects me to wait whilst she chats to others, I put the phone down.

How annoying!

Does she always turn up on the occasions when you've had to remind her on the day, toomuchcaffeine, or does she sometimes use it as an excuse to flake out?

She always turns up, Mooncup.

She is one of those people that seems to really need a full social calender.

I had a 'friend' like this. I finally got bored of it, and thought..no..i won't remind her. 18 months later we haven't met back up. So clearly, she wasn't that into our friendship! It's supposed to be two way - why should you be the one making all the bloody effort?! Sack her off!

She sounds insecure and desperate for acknowledgement/validation from others. All this diary waving and leaving people hanging on the phone etc (look at me aren't I busy, aren't I popular - I am you know I really am).

So, clearly she does write it in her diary, or she'd book herself up with something else! Very odd and I think insecurity (wanting you to chase her on they day to prove you still want to see her) may be the best explanation here.

She is very much the type of person who thinks the world revolves around her and what she wants. She is also the type that will take the piss if people let her. In the past I've probably let her get away with more but these days I am more firm with her. She makes demands on people and then gets stroppy if they say no.

For example a few weeks ago she offered to pick up my DD from school and take her round to her house so our DDs could play. I said yes, that would be great, and on that afternoon I went into town just before school pick up time, only to get a call from her saying she had "forgotten" another friend was coming round too so could I go to the school, collect both girls, then nip to the local Asda and get some bits she needed for their tea, then drop them back at hers and pick DD up again after a couple of hours. I said no, I'm in town at the moment so I can't, and she got very stroppy. I said that I would phone the school and request that DD got put in the after school club and then collect her and take her home after I got back from town, and I suggested she did the same with her DD and collected her later.

She didn't like the fact that I wouldn't do as she said.

Also another time I turned up to collect her DD to take her to a birthday party and she said they were running late and expected me to wrap the present for her, and again got stroppy when I refused. She thinks that anyone that doesn't go along with her demands is awkward

Also another time I turned up to collect her DD to take her to a birthday party and she said they were running late and expected me to wrap the present for her, and again got stroppy when I refused. She thinks that anyone that doesn't go along with her demands is awkward

I'm sorry, but she's clearly getting on your nerves & for some time by the sounds of it & either its bringing out the worst in you & making you just as bad a friend as she is, or you are that way inclined anyway & in your own way, just as bad as she is - I wouldn't think twice about jumping in & helping out a friend who was struggling & running late - especially if it meant getting away a bit quicker, to refuse to help because she's not kept to your standards & been ready as you dictate, makes you sound stroppy & just as demanding as you say she is.

I'm sorry, but the more you write about the situation, the more it sounds like a clash of egos & you'll BOTH be better off without each other

good luck

She wasn't struggling, she had been sitting in the sun in her garden hence she was running late. I didn't dictate a time to get ready by, the party started at a certain time. I will help out a friend in need, but I won't help out a friend who take the piss and expects me to run around after them.

I notice you didn't mention the part I wrote about her expecting to get her child from school and go to the shops for her, it looks like you are finding fault and only picking out the bits from my posts that you want to pick at, and you are adding 1+1 and getting 12.

I can only guess from your posts that you are the kind of friend like the friend I have described, who takes the pee and makes demands on others, and thinks the world revolves around you. I can't imagine any other type of person justifying her behaviour in the way you have tbh. Most adults don't condone spoilt child behaviour.

Oh and to add, no, she wouldn't do the things for me that she is demanding that I do for her.

Asking you to wrap her present for a birthday child and run to the shops for you is treating you like a PA. Definitely a time for firm boundaries.

thank you MooncupGoddess (Great name btw), I am glad I'm not alone in thinking my friend takes the pee.

You're right, I need to instill firm boundaries. I do say 'no' to her demands a lot, but she doesn't seem to be the type to respond to boundaries or learn from them, she just keeps pushing and pushing. Then she has a temper tantrum when I won't do as she says. If I put the phone down when she expects me to wait whilst she has a 10 minute conversation on her mobile, she phones me back and is very stroppy about it and thinks I should have waited for her.

Did she turn up today?

She did! And no birthday present wrapping or trips to Asda required

oh good :)

I notice you didn't mention the part I wrote about her expecting to get her child from school and go to the shops for her, it looks like you are finding fault and only picking out the bits from my posts that you want to pick at, and you are adding 1+1 and getting 12

Actually you are right, my connection to here is being very weird today & for some strange reason I didn't see that post from you, only the shorter one below was showing up at the time I read it - both are there now though & from reading THAT post from you, then it does put a different slant on it all together & she does sound more like a pee taker, especially having read you further update.

I can only guess from your posts that you are the kind of friend like the friend I have described, who takes the pee and makes demands on others, and thinks the world revolves around you. I can't imagine any other type of person justifying her behaviour in the way you have tbh. Most adults don't condone spoilt child behaviour

No not at all, couldn't be further from the truth & I don't allow myself to be a victim of those sorts either

I WAS trying to play devils advocate, purely based on some of the things you said earlier, making you sound stroppy too & therefore gave the impression you were being over sensitive & perhaps are both as bad as each other & that was where your answer to how to deal with the situation lay, not in blaming your friend 100%, but in also taking some responsibility for the situation yourself & if you recognise the friendship IS still of value to you, then meeting her half way was the best way of sorting the issue out

I happily hold my hands up to being wrong if thats not the case.

That said though, I know its not easy for everyone to be upfront & speak out, but if you feel you are being used, then you do have to acknowledge your part in that too - to be a victim, you have to ALLOW yourself to be a victim - the minute you stand up & say - thats it, no more, not playing - the balance of the relationship is reset & you either remain friends & it works for BOTH of you, or you go your separate ways.

Sounds like you've made a good start today though :) - heres hoping the new tougher, no pee taking allowed you keeps at it & it works out for you

I haven't said I allowed myself to be a victim though. I have said I refuse to do things for her, such as wrap the present, and you then said it made me stroppy. I would disagree that I am stroppy and certainly don't have a childish tantrum when I refuse to do these things, unlike my friend, who gets very cross and arsey. I state that I won't do them in a calm, but assertive way. Because I won't be walked over. Not because I'm not a good friend.

Thanks for your input though

I've been following your thread OP and I'm dying to know,did your friend turn up today ( you did say you'd made an arrangement for later today )

She did indeed headintheclouds

How on earth do you have the time or energy for this woman? I would have kicked her into touch a long time ago. I suggest you do the same. No big announcement needed - just quiet withdrawal.

PAs actually get treated better than that!