Partner violent. Dont know what to do

[Ijustdontknowwhattodo]

I have name changed for this.
My partner of 13 years has been vioent to me four times, the last time was yesterday evening but this was the first time in over ten years. We were out with friends, having a lovely lunch with some wine. Our 7 yr old daughter was there and our friends' children. My partner got extremely drunk and became aggressive when I suggested he didn't drink any more. We have had problems before when he has drunk heavily and he had agreed not to drink so much when out with me, an agreement he didn't stick to yesterday. Anyway it ended up with him shouting "Cunt!" at me over and over on our way home. I tried to film him on my phone because he always denies his behaviour the next morning (I think he genuinely can't remember). I can now see that filming him would wind him up more. Anyway he grabbed the phone and has smashed it to bits and he kicked me. All this in front of our daughter. I flagged down a passer by and they called the police and he has spent the night in custody.

The big problem I have now is what to do. I want to leave him but my daughter really doesn't want us to split up. I am frightened and don't know how to go about it. I have no one to talk to because I knon't want anyone to know.

[Orkward]

Well done on being resolved and strong, you sound like you've come a long way and are doing really well.

Swallowedafly those last two posts of yours are so spot on and not meaningless waffle at all - it's put into words my last few weeks exactly.

[HighJumpingHissy]

My darling, I PROMISE you that you are doing the right thing, even your DD will understand as she grows up that violence is NEVER acceptable.

You are giving her one of the most valuable tools a mother can give a child.

It IS hard right now, but can you see that if you had let him back, there is NO way he'd have signed up for that course.

I don't hold much hope for the course, but here is a sliver of a chance that something someone says makes him think.

By dealing decisively and arbitrarily you have set your boundaries in STONE. That's a hard thing to do at any time, most of all in times like these. You are one brave woman, I'm so proud of you and happy for you.

Keep posting, keep chatting with us, we'll hold your hand on your journey back to you.

[HighJumpingHissy]

You will feel up and down, but what you feel is not pity. You're sad for the fact that he let you down so catastrophically.

You are entitled to, and indeed NEED to mourn the relationship.

Think about it though, you would NEVER feel pity toward someone who repeatedly introduced your DD to the C-word while hurling it at her mother.... No, we don't pity people like that, we discard them.

Never forget what he did. he'll want you to, but you can't unring that bell. You take him back and you are showing your DD that it's OK to be hit, kicked, sworn at. It's not. EVER.

Well done chuck!